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| Topic: I KNOW WHAT THE | |
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Greeneyes< what is your problem with men.You lastly wished upon jr what seems to bug you most ...being a widower.Now that's just rude.. PLEASE DO NOT GENERALIZE AND PUT ALL MEN IN YOUR CATAGORIY OF SCARED TO TALK ABOUT YOUR PAST.I FOR ONE HAVE NO PROBLEM TALKING TO ANYONE ABOUT ANYTHING. Being a widow is something that defines who you are and should not be taken lightly.When you find someone who can be open enough to listen or share thoughts on this subject, then more power to the two of you. Till then , be kind to the rest of us.We have done nothing to you. . ah, we do it too mike. threads abound with men blaming women for their lack of success in finding a relationship that works. we all get hung up on such things as our misfortunes being the cause of our plight in life. instead of changing things that we have control over, we often attempt to "wish" a change of things we cannot control like men/women with whom we are having little success. that's my point here. if you're having trouble in the dating game, look within. you can only change your behavior or demeanor. you cannot change the behavior of others. i just have to wonder why people describe themselves as widowed or divorced. why not just say that you're single? does your past really matter? sure, what happened to your spouse will eventually come up but by then a relationship might already have happened. just a short conversation before such details are mentioned can often make a positive impression. but making a big deal of being a widow or a divorcee is just a form of baggage when it affects your view of the oposite sex and anybody with any intelligence at all will pick up on that baggage. we all say that we carry no baggage but in fact we all do whether it be from our previous relationship or, as is the case here, we carry it from a few unfortunate dates or online chats. as you suggest, generalizing about men/women is the very definition of baggage and nobody is interested in somebody with baggage. Nobody is interested in baggage??? Wait, what if it is a matching set and unscratched? 
If we have any age on us at all, then yes we have baggage. I will repeat here what I said when I first came onto Mingles. We need to change and compress until our baggage is only a carryon, and easily left behing if the trip destination is well worth it! I am just waiting to book the ticket! 
We spend our lives collecting life experiences, otherwise all those years are wasted. 
The tricky part is learning from those experiences, and modifying our behavior accordingly, so as not to repeat old mistakes...then moving forward a smarter person..... I for one, wouldn't trade my past experiences for anything. I just make different choices today than I did in the past. And I carry my own baggage...no one can do it for me..  
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Greeneyes< what is your problem with men.You lastly wished upon jr what seems to bug you most ...being a widower.Now that's just rude.. PLEASE DO NOT GENERALIZE AND PUT ALL MEN IN YOUR CATAGORIY OF SCARED TO TALK ABOUT YOUR PAST.I FOR ONE HAVE NO PROBLEM TALKING TO ANYONE ABOUT ANYTHING. Being a widow is something that defines who you are and should not be taken lightly.When you find someone who can be open enough to listen or share thoughts on this subject, then more power to the two of you. Till then , be kind to the rest of us.We have done nothing to you. . I wasn't talking to u... I was dislike smart *** me I know all men are not a like... |
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Nobody is interested in baggage??? Wait, what if it is a matching set and unscratched?
If we have any age on us at all, then yes we have baggage. I will repeat here what I said when I first came onto Mingles. We need to change and compress until our baggage is only a carryon, and easily left behing if the trip destination is well worth it! 
So true. The past is the past, and should be left there, minus the knowledge we have obtained from it. Really, am not interested in all the woes, focusing on the negative of s/hes past, we all have it. And I used to be guilty of it too, until realized there was nothing could do about it but change what thinking and then learn from it- hopefully.  .
Was wondering the same thing about the widow/divorced thing... I say divorced...but we still are very good friends and will always love each other- after being through so much. Am divorced from that lifestyle, not the person- although they have found a new love and am very happy for him. Then again, have never been a widow- thankfully! yet have had several immediate family memebers die, boom, boom, boom, one year after the other- so understand the greif and loss somewhat. When I meet/read widow- I feel such sympathy/sadness for that person but also feel like could I ever compete? Will I always be their second, trying to compete with a being that is no longer here? I know these are my insecurities- but get those vibes sometimes even if they aren't spoken. Maybe a new word could be used that says- widowed but finally ready- I have healed and ready now? just random thoughts. |
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