as a member of the gay community i got a question


i don't know if this is what anyone from that side of the community would consider to be normal

but as far back as my first year in junior high there have been times in my life that i have felt so lonely at times , that it has actually caused my person such emotional pain , such greif , and suffering that at times it has actually caused me to seriously consider commiting suicide on a number of occasions



for me it has always been a difficult thing to fight my way back from that terrible state of being , and it has alwys been even more difficult for me to find a reason to go on living each time i find myself in that life or death struggle


about the only thing i can think of to acurately compare it to would be the extreme personal grief a person experiences whe that person has lost to death that one peerson that they knew and loved in life as their personel soul mate

the kind of grief that causes that person to see their remaining life time as being one in which they are trapped in a sort of living death in which the person finds their self dying little by little each day due to that person having lost their will to live




right now for me it has gotten to the point that i feel with utter certainty that if i do not find myself someone to know as my freind, companion, life partner , lover and mate

i really don't know why or how i know this fact but right now it's gotten to the point that i just somehow know for a fact that if i do not find that one person in my life to share my life with in a long term intimate relationship i will most certainly die from this loneliness