I have a serious (SO NOT) dilemma and was wondering if you all could provide some help to make a decision.......

I have received an email from some numnut where it is painfully obvious that the little cherub has a pre prepared script to send to unsuspecting victims….

The email is full of all sorts of wonderful nonsense and has specified areas where I am positive he just does a 'find and replace' to insert his victims names…only problem is he hasnt found and replaced in all the right areas and there are one or two references to other names...

The problem is in deciding how to respond to this luddite….and I thought that perhaps you might help me choose something suitable out of what i have come up with so far…alternatively you may come up with a better one of which I will be all ears…

Response Options are (my favourites are 3, 4 and 8):

1. Kindness and compassion:

My dear friend….whilst I appreciate how difficult it must be having to look up the spelling and/or meaning of every word you need to type before you type it…a pre-prepared response does not show you to be the spontaneous, impulsive and free thinking individual I am sure you are…might I suggest you stick to just sending nudges only….that way you only have to tick a box and spare yourself the agony of trying to figure out how to copy and paste...

ps - I've added a link to websters online dictionary to assist you with any words you do not understand in my email. You will also note that there is an additional link on this website - 'originality for dummies'….I am sure it will provide a wealth of wisdom for you if you ever manage to get over the terrifying thought of having to do something new...

2. Sarcasm:

Thanks so much for your prefabricated email….i just luuuvvvv the fact that you plan ahead and are prepared in life for any eventuality! You must have won 'Scout of the Year' award ten times over!

3. Nastiness:

Rack off moron - if I wanted something pre-written I would have waited for your obituary...

4. Vindictiveness

Dear Moron - thank you for the pre-written script. Since you love sharing the same information to all and sundry I thought I would post your email on a noticeboard and ask the whole world to give their opinion as to what level of idiot you are…should make for a far more interesting read than anything I would ever get from you…

5. Sympathy:

….gosh it must be so hard trying to think of something new to write when you only have three active neurons…you poor thing…life must be such a struggle…no wonder you are on mingle…

6. Empathy

I have been trying so hard to put myself in your shoes - and I have found it really really difficult - all these new words and thoughts and feelings just kept flying into my brain and no matter how hard I tried I just couldn’t get myself to master the art of regurgitating the same stuff over and over and over again - but don’t worry - I think I have found a way!....I figure if I get paralytic drunk every day for the next fifty years eventually I will be able to kill enough brain cells that I will get alcohol related brain damage and perseveration will be a way of life!....if you are prepared to hang around until 2059 I think you and I could have a great life together!

7. Wounded:

You have soooo broken my heart…if you knew the thrill of excitement that tingled it's way up and down my body when I saw your name come up on an email…from the tips of my toes to my soft supple thighs to my heaving breasts and parted soft, moist, cherry red lips….only to find that I am not your 'one and only' and you are sharing yourself with everybody <sob>….how will I ever recover from such torment….???? I think I will just have to go kill myself….

8. Indifference

Thank you for your pre-prepared/automated email.

Please note that this is an automated response. A pre-prepared message will be forwarded to you shortly.

If in 24 hours you do not receive this message please hit the 'reply to' button and select one of the following options:

Option 1. - Select 'I want some attention please'

An automated nudge will be sent to you with the message "Hey baby...if you could just move that ego of yours over an inch or two there might be room for me".

Option 2. - Select 'I would like to speak to a customer service officer'.

An automated chat request will be sent to you. You will be provided three minutes of chat time to air your grievances with a chat room autobot. Please note that the autobots available responses are currently limited at this time but do include such timeless classics as 'I love you', 'you make me horny'. 'I cant live without you' and 'I have never felt this way about anyone before'

Option 3. - Select 'I want a proper response god dammit'.

A copy of this email will be forwarded to you within 24 hours of this message being sent.

If in 24 hours you do not receive a pre-prepared message, kiss response, chat request, or copy of this email please contact your mingle account manager and advise that you have received the following error message:

"Hi Loser…you have just wasted ten minutes of your time by sending an email to someone who just doesn’t give a damn".

9. Childishness

Awww…that’s NO FAIR….you gave the same information to everyone else before me….I want MY OWN email….I want one JUST FOR ME…and if you don’t give me one I will scream and scream and scream until I am sick….im going to tell on you…..MUUUUUUUMMMMMMMMMM….HE'S BEING MEAN TO ME…HE'S TREATING ME JUST LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE…I WANT TO BE SPECIAL..WAAAHHHHHHH.

And last…..but not least….

10. Encouragement:

Thank you so much for all the pre-prepared information that you have shared with me….you are such an interesting fellow….BUT IT JUST ISNT ENOUGH…all of those thoughtful insightful and interesting things you talked about….and you didn’t explain ANY of them….I would really appreciate it if you would go through your pre-prepared email and add an additional 100 words per paragraph explaining what each pre-prepared statement means - don’t forget to use lots of pre-prepared colourful adjectives and verbs - and throw in a few overused clichés for good measure as well…oh and I really don’t mind if these additional words are pre-prepared as well…originality does absolutely nothing for me you know…

Ps - one more thing…don’t worry about doing the find/replace for the name fields…I will answer to just about anything….really I will….


What am i to do????.....So many delicious choices and i only get to pick one of them...

got any suggestions?

i would have to see the info sent to know how to respond...sowwi

send 20 different mails....




and I don't know if the locals know what numbnut is...

(we can't speak Orstraylyan here... they dont understand us)

oooohhhhh you are SO NASTY....lmao...20 different emails!

and i thought I was MEAN....

NUMNUT = MORON = IDIOT = WOFTAM

I would!

But then I am a bit of a meanie...ask anybody.

a real B i t c h ....

Slow...painful... and polite....an email every ten minutes....

ohhhhhh, i'm for that....oh yeah!!

you kill me girl....didnt know Machiavelli had a sister!

LMFAO

Like your style....

OMG those are all great.. I don't know if I can pick just one.. If you make me I will force myself...

ok....you are making me.......PICK ONE NOW GODDAMMIT!

that was to much to read so i`m just going to post this......

I like 3,4 and 8 but I think 10 is the best...

You missed a good read (((Cotton))) she's a witty woman..

awww....thank you thank you thank you.....

one vote for three
one vote for four
one vote for eight
BIG vote for ten

THE TALLY HAS STARTED....WOOHOOO

Hey maybe i could run a book as well and make some money out of this!

well then I'm thinking it may take some to get all the numbers in... or 10 wins..

well dammit girl....do one for the cause...pick one... go on - pick one....

or give me a nastier one of your own.....

I don't have a nastier one.. I pick 10!!!!!

oh and I forgot to say "I do know what numnut is"

Hey now. I speak Orstraylyan. lol

OK

TALLY IS

one vote for three
one vote for four
one vote for eight
TWO votes for ten...

and princess isnt as mean as i thought she was.....

I can be but more often than not I'm nice... Of course when the start the woman hating or poor me threads "watch out!"

dont worry - i have FAITH in you...you are my new hero! lol