I've been frequenting a bar in town pretty much every friday night for a few months. I go mostly for the live bands that play there, and I'll admit it, to get hammered. Hey, it's the only me night I get. Not really there for dating cause for me, it's the wrong scene.

There is this one girl there I've taken a liking to though. Not the type you would normally find in a bar. She writes books, is a teacher, is intelligent, my age, and good looking. We talk quite a bit & she seems to enjoy my company as much as I do hers. I've seen her there maybe three or four times.

Well tonight we hit it off well again & she invites me over to her place under the premise of playing Trivial Pursuit (don't ask cause I don't exactly remember how that came up in the first place). Anyways, I hang out at her place pretty late (or early, depending on how you look at it), talking and actually playing trivial pursuit. We both filled up half the pie & called it quits.

It was a fun & flirty atmosphere the whole night but neither of us really made any moves. Well, I did when I left by giving her a long hug & kiss but that was all. I know there could have been more but I didn't go there. Why?

I mean, we met at a bar, the gal invites me over to her place after, we both like each other; any other guy my age would have pounced on the opportunity. Most men my age have probably have had ten to twenty sexual partners by now or more. Me; and I feel like such a prude to say it; I've only had two.

Was with my ex-wife for nine years then after we split, was in another relationship for almost a year that ended not too long ago. So basically I've never been in anything other than a committed relationship & don't know, and not sure I want to know the dating scene. Plenty nymphos out there this day & age that would probably be best for me to stay away from.


I really have no idea on how fast or slow to take things. I guess it all depends on the people involved & what kind of relationship they're after. I just don't know what people expect dating nowadays.

Does a gal at a bar inviting a guy back to her place = sex?
Does not having sex in this situation = prude, disappointment, friend zone

I know it sounds strange coming from a guy in his twenties but I would rather build a relationship before sex. Sometimes I feel this concept is so alien to people now, that I may not have hope in the dating scene the way it is.

Take your time and build the relationship, if thats not what she wants, she will let you know.

I guess ,you did the right think.How you said she's not like everybody else out there . Take it slow ,she may think that you are not like any other man out there also. Get to know each other better , build a friendship , fall in love and then have sex.That would be beautiful .

I agree with michigan man...hes on the right track

Well bro, I think you should take things as fast as she allows. Women know what they want these days. You might be mr. right or mr. right now, only they know. If she invited you to her home she was definately interested. Sex was/is/ and always will be the womans option. I find that if you ask they will let you know. May I kiss you? That's usually a good start. If things progress just ask and she will let you know. Doesn't matter if you are 20 or 80 women want what they want. Having few partners doesn't matter, every women has their own wants and needs, it's up to you to interact with them and find out. Good luck bro.

This is fantastic!! So nice to hear that two ppl can meet, get to know each other and spend time together without jumping into bed right away. Especially since you met in a bar. Sounds to me like you both like each other, have self-repect, and enjoy each other's company. Keep doing what you're doing and just let it all unfold without forcing anything or sabotaging it. Please, please don't overthink it. Sit back and be happy that you have found this lady and don't worry about what's going to happen tomorrow.

Sounds like you had a great night and got just a little bit closer...taking it slow is good...get to know her and allow her to get to know you....sounds to me like everything is just as it should be...good luck

You are a gentleman,not a prude. There are a few of us left and a few woman who appreciate us. Go with the flow and let whatever happens happen. BTW,The Trivial Pursuit,very cool. I would love to find a woman who could keep up with me in a game of TP. be seeing you

That is what I want, to take time to build a relationship. I only brought all this up because I worry about other's expectations when it comes to dating because I don't know what the general consensus is on the subject; timing and all that.




My last girlfriend practically threw herself at me early on when I wasn't ready for it. Got me thinking that maybe that was the norm & I'm the weirdo for thinking it strange the relationship moved so fast. I still don't know if she was just really into me at the time, or if our relationship started out in her mind as mostly being about sex. I think it was the latter.

This girl I just met seems more submissive & is letting me lead. I don't want to move too slow & her loose interest or think I'm not into her, or move too fast & scare her off.



I know, I'm WAY overthinking all this & probably shouldn't be posting all this on a public forum. Sorry, I'm not thinking straight. It's five thirty in the morning & I haven't slept. Just got home round 3 & the coffee I had tonight isn't wearing off

You did the right thing, for sure- most of all you did what was right for you and that is the important thing.
You know what you are looking for and building a firm foundation is
a positive start of any relationship, be it friendship or otherwise.

Speaking purely from my point of view - the way you conducted yourself was very respectable, and any true lady will really appreciate that. For me that would be a "trust builder" and that is always a plus!

Your no prude,your just a gentleman.Its very refeshing to hear these days.It sounds like u both respect each other.Take your time and enjoy getting to know each other,when the time is right the rest will follow.

Hell all I want to know did you at least get her number? If so call her later tell her you really enjoyed the company and go from there make and official date not a drinking one. Take your time don't worry about it if she likes you she will wait for you to feel comfortable and the right time.....

Actually it is up to each person right or wrong time and not all women that go to bars are loose women and just want to jump your bones you said yourself you go for me time well ya know what we have me time as well.....

We have each other's email. I asked her to send me a link a few weeks ago to show me some of the writing she's done. She has two novels she's trying to get published & working on a third.

I think the official date idea's a good one. That will be in the works

This post made me smile. The guys I've met on here only have one thing on their mind. It's refreshing to know that there are still gentlemen out there :-)

Sounds like an awesome night to me, it's not healthy (or wise) to jump into a sexual relationship right away. As fast as they ignite, they seem to fizzle just as quickly. It's nice that you're getting to know each other first, I hope it works out.

I'd think it was a bit weird if someone actually asked if they could kiss me.

That being said, I don't think the OP did anything wrong. Sounds like it was a good night.

Your not a prude by not having your way with her the first night. Wait till the 3rd date for that!!!

not a prude makes you a gentleman...just wait for her to give you the green light...you will know

If SHE doesn't respect you for that, "I" certainly do! You did the right thing, take things slow, build a stronger friendship, then perhaps, see where that takes you.