I have known one of my best friends since the beginning of high school. We had a two year hiatus back in 2006 because she was constantly up my arse EVERYDAY and even became angry when I didn't invite her to a party only because I wanted to "bond" (silly me) with my brother and try to get him a life. I failed.

Anyway, on a normal basis we usually hangout once, MAYBE two times on a weekend. well, she got drunk two nights ago and well .. i think the truth finally slipped out about some things. I brought up the situation about her boyfriend moving across the bridge to another state ( 30mins away ) and how she'd probably distant herself from friends to be able to be near him. she said it would never happen, but I kept pushing on the subject and got this :

"remember that day you had a two hour break at work and I told you to come over because you were having a bad day? remember how kim came over also because she was in tears?" I said "yes." she says, "well, I was supposed to be alone with my boyfriend that day but I bit the bullet to be there for my friends. Sometimes you just have to make sacrifices."

That statement was a response to the fact as to why i won't drive in the city and pay 4 dollar toll bridges.

Then she told me that she only gets to see her boyfriend on the weekends and she hasn't had much alone time with him because she's been hanging out with everyone at the same time. Again, she pointed out her sacrifice to her friends.

Then she asked me what we would all be doing if we never knew her. Apparently, we rely on her too much to "keep us company" and in so many words has said she feels like she's a fall back for everyone. But I argued that statement and she said she doesn't particularly mean me.

basically, it was all pinned on me. I was the one responsible for our two year hiatus yet she made sure to point out that she always remembered me and therefore, got back in touch with me.

What is everyone's thoughts on this? I'm so wounded ... yet again.

I think your friend has a valid point.

Perhaps you could do more to extend yourself as well as the rest of your friends.

I agree with Mitch on this one. Seems as though she is making the effort to be there for you guys. What is she getting in return?

I do the same for her! Are you kidding me? I buy her cigs, I let her bum cigs off me, I give her rides AND back in the day, I did even more for her! Is it really right for her to make her friends feel like a burden? Or that she is obligated to be there? Friends should WANT to be there for each other. Not because they feel they have too.

If she didn't want us to be around, she shouldn't have invited us out all the time! She could have said something sooner.

And to top it off, that girl knows I'd die for her. We aren't suppose to know what everyone really wants. Friends are suppose to be honest and if she didn't feel like spending time with her friends, she shouldn't be inviting people out!

You did not mention the quid pro quo aspect. This is a complex topic. Strike my previous comments. I have no advice or answers. IMO, this is strictly a personal call. Do what you feel is best. Are the books balanced between you two?

Well hun, we were only replying to what you put out there. We did not know the whole story.

But I will tell you this, I am the only one of my friends that is always there for them. It sucks knowing that if I have a problem, none of them care, nor will they actually "listen".

Ok, so they aren't my friends, but I have known them for 23 years. I would think they would have grown up by now.

Anywho, back to you. Maybe that is how she is feeling?

You're right. I didn't know i should have added that in though. She thinks everything is fine. I'm just trying to deal with the anger and hurt. I so wanted to blow up at her that night, but I wasn't trying to loose a friend.

Sorry. I didn't think I'd get replies like you guys wrote. I don't get it. I listen to her all the time or whenever she wants. she's stronger than me so she can bottle things better. and a lot of times, she doesn't even talk about them so I have no idea what else she is holding.

I SO agree with this statement

Funny you should say that. I do the same thing and my friends think the same thing because I have learned there is no point.

Do you think maybe that is how she is feeling?

I honestly don't know. Kim said she was really drunk that night and she could have just been talking but the truth tends to slip out when you drink.

A lot of people would.

Yes, things to tend to slip out when they have been drinking.

And yes, I do agree with that same statement.

Put the two and two together.

She holds it in knowing she is the stronger one and wants to help you and your friends with your problems. Now she gets drunk and the true feelings slip out. Does that make her a bad friend?

No, but isn't that how friendship goes? You trade your problems, issues, concerns with friends and get theirs in return for you to help with?

Yeppers, that is how it is suppose to go. But sometimes the stronger person, as you put it, will think their issues are less meaningful or less important and don't want to bother you with them. Then they let it build up how they don't have anyone to talk to, then bam, they drink and say things more straight forward without thinking.

That was just the alcohol talking. Maybe you should talk to her about it now that it has been said, but when she isn't drinking.

Well the guilt trip...obligation trip worked.



Flick it off...... flick her off.


Don't call, don't invite, don't do anything....


just stop.....and watch what happens.

I don't wanna .... lol

That's what I was thinking about doing .... laying low for a while.

Well since you don't wanna lol

Then lay low