Yes, I'm done work for the day. Hope all of you had or are having a most enjoyable day. Here's what I would like to put forth for discussion today. When you meet someone new, is their lack of close or long-term friends a red flag?

For me, it is. When I look back at the people that have tried or have succeeded in doing me wrong, a common denominator for a lot of them is that they had no friendships of any depth or for any extended length of time. There is usually a reason for this (not always good). They go through our lives like a tornado and then leave us to pick up after the destruction.

Take a look back and see if this is the case for you.

Wow, since it is put that way, you are right.

Some people don't live in places where they can form friendships, close or otherwise, for a variety of reasons. That doesn't make them weird or a bad person. And I've known people who had tons of friends, and they were straight up jerks, so that doesn't mean anything. Weird way to judge a person.

Exactly, some peoples lives change and/or they move and friendships sometimes fade.. It doesn't always mean there is something wrong that person..

Yep, I moved to Iowa when I was 17 years old in my senior year. Stayed there on and off for 10 years. I had no friends or acquaintances that entire time. I moved back to Michigan a couple years ago and took up with my old friends and eventually lost them again because we had changed so much over the years. And now I'm in West Virginia, another very isolated place- for me- so it's the same story.

I don't have the right to judge anybody, so that's not what I'm doing. And I'm not saying that they're weird. You're both right.
This is not about who of us is right or wrong. Just looking for opinions 'cause there are so many of you that have valid ones. Trying to expand my way of thinking. Do any of you agree with the fact that sometimes, just sometimes, there is a not good reason for why some people are alone? Maybe they don't have a good history, maybe they just prefer to be alone, etc., etc.

I'm just saying that maybe that aspect needs to be looked at before you decide if they're one you'd choose to have in your life.

the coolest person i know has no old friends and few new friends

me

i dont think that it is any more worth investigating than their intolerance of idiots or their love of ice cream.
some will not have friends as they are total bastards, and some because they are in dificult social positions

many things make a person who they are and to "asess" them on one factor IS judgemental

Oh, grasshopper, you have much to learn, but thanks for your thoughts.

It's been my experience that people who have a large social circle are usually influenced by that circle in a lot of ways, therefore, I'd rather deal with someone who had few, if any friends. Cuts down on the possibility of peer pressure; many people are very concerned about what their friends/family think of their choices.

Besides, have you considered the fact that they may have a large amount of friends who are a$$holes? Does that still make them a good person, or does it depend on the quality and not the quantity?

So you disagree with this? You think just because a person isn't a social butterfly, they're a loser?

A lack of friends can be attributed to many factors in a person's life. Perhaps they were in a relationship where the spouse did not allow them to have friends, because they were jealous of everyone.

Or perhaps a person has been used by too many people who took advantage of their niceness, and they no longer trust people looking for friendhip, thinking that someone probably justs wants something from them this time also. One cannot expect someone to always want to set themselves up to be a door mat just for the sake of saying they have friends.

Nowadays the world is a different place. I for one, do not have many friends, but I do have a few true ones... although we may be far apart and don't get to connect very often.

I would not ever rule someone out just because it seems they do not have an abundance of friends.

I think a better way to get a sense of a person is how they behave towards you and other people... in any circumstance. When you go out, are they attentive, do they treat waitstaff and service people nicely or rudely? How do they treat animals... etc. JMO

ding ding ding ...... winner

everyones lives are different, chooseing a life of solitude over one of pretending to be one of the dumb arse sheep could be seen as a noble choice.

I understand your point. People come into our lives for a season. How long that season is only God knows. Were they there for us to teach or help us or were we there to help or teach them?

And then you have people with "fake friendships." I used to be friends with a woman who was also friends with another friend of mine. She admitted to me one day that she hated her. I mean she absolutely hated her. Everything about this other woman annoyed her, and/or embarrassed her, yet she considered her a close friend that she'd known since they were 7 years old.

So I asked her one day, if she despised her so much, why the hell didn't she just leave her alone and make her stay away from her (the other girl had no idea how she felt)? She told me she didn't have very many friends so she held on to the ones she had. Eventually, she stopped dealing with all of us, once she found new women to hang out with, but she considered us her friends, in name only. So are fake friendships a mark of a good person?

I think your right

I'm a little Leary of people with no friends

Espc. At my age. To reach this age and not have a circle of good friends is weird. IMO
Maybe it's their personality I don't know. I can't imagine a life without good close friends in it

But I'm sure there is some valid reason

I wish I could see more of my friends but they work all damn day then family time

But when we do get together it's great!!

exactly.

sometimes people might choose not to conform in some way that doesn't necessarily reflect badly on their character.

i have a few close friends yea, but a lot of people i don't click with because i refuse to conform to certain norms among my age group i.e. i don't like to go out, get drunk and party every weekend and document my life on facebook. others do. neither choice is bad, but when you don't have much in common, friendships tend to not get off the ground.

Where on earth did you get that idea? I agree that there are always reasons for how we chose to live our lives. Open up your mind and and see all of the possibilities.

Maybe read, really read my topic thread again. I think you're missing the point.

I think a lot of aspects need to be looked at before considering someone in your life.. I think that each person decides what those important things are.. I hear what you're saying and it's a good point.. However, for me unless the did something(s) "weird" as I've seen mentioned, then I wouldn't question disregard them b/c they haven't had long term friends, hell sometimes I try to figure out what some see in others and think "that person is lucky to be such an azzhole and have good friends"...

IndnPrncs....... I love you long time..!!!

(((Hava))) how are you sweets?