Army, Air Force, and Marine Generals were standing in front of a rappelling tower with a Navy Admiral. The Air Force General says to the others, "My men are the most courageous of the Armed Forces."

"Ha!" said Army, "My men are the most courageous and I'll prove it."

Army calls a Private over from the tower. He tells the Private, "I want you to jump off that tower - no rope, no parachute."

"Yes, Sir!!!" the Private yells and proceeds to climb the tower. The Private walks to the edge, yells "Hoo-ahh!" and jumps off the tower. He is killed instantly upon impact.

"That's nothing," the Air Force General said, bored. He calls a Senior Airman over. "Son, I want you to jump off that tower - no rope, no parachute and I want you to do it with style."

"Yes, Sir!!!" the Senior Airman yells. He climbs to the top of the tower, walks to the edge and jumps. He executes a swan dive that would make Greg Louganis proud, hits the ground and dies on impact.

"Hmmph," the Marine growled. "Ya'll obviously forgot the Marine Corps were here," he said (yelling "Marine Corps!" as all Marines tend to do.)

He calls a Lance Corporal over. "Marine, I want you to jump off that tower and make the Corps proud!"

The Corporal yells, "Ooh-rah!", by way of response and runs to the tower. He grabs an M-60 and ammunition belt on the way and wraps the belt around himself in the Pancho Villa style. He climbs the tower and walks to the edge. Upon reaching the edge, he throws two grenades into the air, yells "Semper Fi Do or Die!" and jumps off. He starts shooting the M-60 in mid-air, clipping treetops and yelling the entire way down. His impact is obscured by the two exploding grenades. When the smoke clears, only little pieces of the Marine are left.

The others are impressed and nod their heads in admiration. Then the Admiral says, "That's nothing." The others turn to face the Admiral, their faces in disbelief. The Admiral calls a Seaman over who was cleaning latrines. "Son, I want you to jump off that tower- no rope, no parachute."

The Seaman looks the Admiral in the face and says, "Screw you! You kiss my a$s first!" and walks off.

The Admiral turns to the others and says,
"Now THAT'S courage!"

The members of the Joint Chiefs of Staff were touring a forward position in Afghanistan. They started arguing over who had the bravest enlisted personnel.
The Army CoS stated it had to be the Army. He then called over a private, threw a live grenade on the ground, which the private promptly jumped on smothering the blast. "See" he proclaimed, "got to be a soldier".
They walked a little further when the Marine CoS called over a young jarhead. He pointed out a live claymore, which the young marine promptly jumped on, and smothered the blast. With a look of triumph he proclaimed, "Gotta be our young leathernecks".
A little further up the trail, the Naval CoS called over a young seaman. He pointed out a live clusterbomb, which the young seaman promptly jumped on, again smothering the blast. "Top that one gentlemen. It HAS to be out young seamen".
Outside the enlisted man's club, the Air Force CoS spied a huge pile of dogshit on the ground. He called out to a young airman walking by. "Airman, clean up that dogsh*t", he said. The airman took his hands out of his pockets, looked at the assembled 4 Star Generals, and promptly proclaimed; "Are you f*cking crazy"? The airman then walked off.
With a look of triumph the Air Force CoS turned to his astonished collegues, " Got you all beat", he said. " THAT , takes real courage."

]
The French National Battle Flag

great minds think alike

I was thinkin that same thing when I saw them one after another. LMAO

I borrowed this from another site, this is an actual true story




We were sitting in the bleachers at Airborne School for a class on streamers (malfunction where the chute goes up but doesn't open). Black Hat (instructor) explains that you're supposed to pull down your chute by the risers and throw it out beside you. If that doesn't work the first time, you repeat until it opens. One of my buddies raises his hand and asks "Sargeant, just how long do you have to do all of this?" The Black Hat replied "Son, you've got the rest of your life."

Bumper stickers recently spotted at the Marine Corps Base, Camp Pendleton,
California:

* "Except For Ending Slavery, Fascism, Nazism, and Communism, WAR has
Never Solved Anything."

* "Water-boarding is out so just kill 'em all!"

* "Interrogators can't water board dead guys"

* " U.S. Marines -- Travel Agents To Allah"

* "Stop Global Whining"

* "When In Doubt, Empty The Magazine".

* "The Marine Corps -- When It Absolutely, Positively Has To Be
Destroyed Overnight"

* "Death Smiles At Everyone -- Marines Smile Back"

* "Marine Sniper - You can run, but you'll just die tired!"

* "What Do I Feel When I Kill A Terrorist? .... A little recoil"

* "Marines -- Providing Enemies of America an Opportunity To Die For
their Country Since 1775"

* "Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Anyone Who Threatens It"

* "Happiness Is A Belt-Fed Weapon"

* "It's God's Job to Forgive Bin Laden -- It's Our Job To Arrange The
Meeting"

* "Artillery Brings Dignity to What Would Otherwise Be Just A Brawl"

* "Do draft dodgers Have Reunions? If So, What Do They Talk About?"

* "My kid fought in Iraq so your kid can party in college"

* "Machine Gunners -- Accuracy by Volume"

* "A Dead Enemy Is A Peaceful Enemy -- Blessed Be The Peacemakers"

* "If You Can Read, Thank A Teacher... If You Can Read It In English,
Thank A Veteran"

* "Some people spend an entire lifetime wondering if they made a
difference in the world. But, the Marines don't have that problem." - Ronald
Reagan

It's the Spring of 1957 and a sailor goes to pick up his date. When he goes to the front door, the girl's father answers and invites him in. "Carrie's not ready yet, so why don't you have a seat?," he says.

"That's cool" says the sailor.

Carrie's father asks the sailor what they're planning to do.

The sailor replies politely that they will probably just go to the soda shop or a movie.

Carrie's father responds "why don't you two go out and screw? I hear all the kids are doing it."

Naturally, this comes as a quite a surprise to the young sailor - so he asks Carrie's Dad to repeat it.

"Yeah," says Carrie's father, "Carrie really likes to screw; she'll screw all night if we let her!"

Well, this just made the sailor's eyes light up, and his plan for the evening was beginning to look pretty good.

A few minutes later, Carrie comes downstairs in her little poodle skirt and announces that she's ready to go. Almost breathless with anticipation, the young sailor escorts his date out the front door.

About 20 minutes later, Carrie rushes back into the house, slams the door behind her, and screams at her father:

"DAMMIT DADDY! IT'S CALLED THE TWIST!!!"

Air Force Approach: Eagle 13, turn right to 330.
Eagle 13: Roger 330.

App: Eagle 13, I've been working since last night, Will you do me a favor?

Eagle 13: Affirmative. Go ahead.

App: Down below on your right, you'll see a base house with yellow roof near the lake. That is my house. I had a fight with my Wife, and I'm worried she might take it out on my Harley. Do you see a Harley Davidson near the house?

Eagle 13: Negative sir. Instead I can see a Ryder's truck.

Good Ones Fran!

Worse Punishment?

An Air Force cargo plane was preparing for departure from Thule Air Base in Greenland. They were waiting for the truck to arrive to pump out the aircraft's sewage holding tank.

The Aircraft Commander was in a hurry, the truck was late in arriving, and the Airman performing the job was extremely slow in getting the tank pumped out.

When the commander berated the Airman for his slowness and promised punishment, the Airman responded: "Sir, I have no stripes, it is 20 below zero, I'm stationed in Greenland, and I am pumping sewage out of airplanes. Just what are you going to do to punish me?"

Military etiquette
Officer: Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?
Soldier: Sure, buddy.
Officer: That's no way to address an officer! Now let's try it again. Do you have change for a dollar?
Soldier: No, SIR!

Actually been there! Plane from Rhein Main to Andrews got diverted there due to mechanical problems. What a crap hole!

Redd

one of my favs





CIA Assassin test

The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all the background checks, interviews, and testing were done, there were three finalists. two men and a woman.

For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow our instructions, no matter what the circumstances. Inside this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Kill Her!!!"

The man said, "You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife." The agent said, "Then you're not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home."

The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. Then the man came out with tears in his eyes. "I tried, but I can't kill my wife." The agent said, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home."

Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions, to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one shot after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow. "This gun is loaded with blanks", she said. "I had to beat him to death with the chair."

A Good Nights Sleep


By the time a Marine pulled into a little town, every hotel room was taken. "You've got to have a room somewhere", he pleaded to the hotel manager, "Or just a bed, I don't care where."

"Well, I do have a double room with one occupant - an Air Force guy," admitted the manager, "and he might be glad to split the cost. But to tell you the truth, he snores so loudly that people in adjoining rooms have complained. I'm not sure it'd be worth it to you, sir."

"No problem," the tired Marine assured him, "I'll take it."

The next morning the Marine came down to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. "How'd you sleep, sir?" asked the manager.

"Never better," the Marine answered.

The manager was impressed, "No problem with the other guy snoring then?"

"Nope, I shut him up in no time," said the Marine.

"How'd you manage that?" asked the manager.

"He was already in bed, snoring away, when I came in the room," the Marine explained, "I went over, gave him a kiss on the cheek, an said 'Goodnight, beautiful.' and he sat up all night watching me."

Shave and a haircut
A Navy Chief and an Admiral were sitting in the barbershop. They were both just getting finished with their shaves, when the barbers reached for some after-shave to slap on their faces.

The admiral shouted, "Hey, don't put that stuff on me! My wife will think I've been in a whorehouse!"

The chief turned to his barber and said, "Go ahead and put it on. My wife doesn't know what the inside of a whorehouse smells like."

French army calisthenics

1 raise your hands in the air
2 keep holding them that way.