Ok, so here's a topic I'd like to explore: theory -- the way a person handles a break-up is a good indicator of who they really are.

ya think? Not necessarily

how would you handle it

I always like to treat the other person with respect and kindness, but sometimes things we say can be hurtful, even if they're true. I think we get over the hurt quicker when it's delivered with tact. Have you never had someone break up with you in a sneaky, dishonest way? I've had guys just distance themselves in the hope that I will be the one to end it, 'cause they're cowards. You keep asking them to tell you if there's something wrong, they say nothing and then -- WHAMMO!

I don't think so.A break up doesn't define who I am.Its just a breakup

I think I see your point. I would try to handle it with grace and dignity as opposed slamming them to everyone.

Silly, of course IT doesn't define who you are, it's all in the way one handles it is what I'm saying

I think we all want to end a relationship the best way..sometimes how the other person acts changes things... but I get what your saying.

Well I guess it depends in alot of ways. What happened to prelude the break up was it something that was out of their realm of reality and now they are just reacting and not responding.

I think how a person handles conflict or a crisis is a better indicator in who they are.

I can only think of one really bad break up where I didn't behave well... I think panache comes with age, diversity, and plain old time.

Wisdom way beyond your years. Good for you. Is a break-up not a crisis? I mean in a long-term relationship.

valid point, similar to a guy or girl that gets nasty when they are told no...truer character does get revealed

roko

lol, a persons real character is exposed at any struggle, whether it be a break up or a small fight..the worse the fight the more you know...If the person is ccalous or uncaring then you know you have a loser...Drop them at any cause...They are worthless and will only hurt you...The more feeling they show the more you know they are a good one...Cold people are not looking for love, they are not looking for anything but there own interests and that makes you very easily disposed of...I hate break ups but they can tell you alot about who you are with...Most of the time if you are breaking up you might as well keep walking cuz it will never be what you really want...You broke up for a reason and that is the person you were with was completely unwilling to comply to your wants and needs...there for you can either suck it up after the break up and be okay with there obvious faults or move on and search again.

Thanks but I think we are contemporary's in age. Again thank you for the kind words.


No not all the time, from what I have observed most break ups are a slow grind, if a person is really honest they knew it was coming and neither one had the guts to end it when you could have left with dignity intact. I know for me in my last marriage I knew it was over in 01, Yet we still stayed together til 04, By that time all I could think was I am free... So I think everyone is different. A break up to me is not a crisis now death of my first husband was a crisis. No warning no preparation. I can only speak for myself. I think I would like to judge each person on their own merits and well if they were kind, wise, and compassionate most of the time and had a lapse of two short lived how can they be judge. I am pushing 50 I hope not to be judged by a few moments instead by all the moments


[quote I mean in a long-term relationship.

So was I, and yet I think if we watch how a person interacts with all others wouldn't that give us a better insight into who they really are?

Watch how people act in a traffic jam... that tends to bring out true colors.

Sitkarains. Wow, there must be something in Alaska akin to the fountain of youth. Where can I get one of those? You look fabulous. I won't say "for your age" 'cause that irritates me when people say it. I NEVER would have guessed!

lol, emotional triggered responces are the only true measure of your own behaviors and characteristics...You can not control or contort your mind to lie when it comes to emotional responces, its scientifically impossible..Your brain acts a certain way when you are put thru a certain stress..It can either show a strong person or a weak person or someone in between but either way it shows a very reliable untampered responce and shows exact feelings and hold no bars..If you want truth then believe in the breakup reaction..Or other stressfull threatening reactions

Mythicalman: see my last post under "common sense. Response please.

I tend to believe you can learn a lot about someone's character by how they handle a breakup.

The person who just caves in and goes to pieces = low self esteem. Or they are a myrter.

The person who has to tell everyone it was because the partner cheated, was crazy, or only cared about the kids = blameing, victim, who avoids responsibility and probably plays loose with the truth.

The person who rants, screams, and has to get revenge = a bully and probably always was.

The person who just can't believe it = selfish, elitest, control freak.

The person who has to everyone they know how miserable they are = an emotional manipulator an attention whore.

The person who knew they were hooking up with a party animal and does it anyway = stupid.

The person who says we just grew apart = lazy.

The person who trys to get the divorce done with the minimum of drama, accepts their responsibility, and takes some time to get their act together before jumping out of the skillet out of the fire = someone worth giving a second chance.

Adversity doesn't make character, it reveals it.

You are so right.