FRACTIONALLY QUALIFIED
We had to have the garage door repaired. The Sears repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a 'large' enough motor on the opener. I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one Sears made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower. He shook his head and said, "Lady, you need a 1/4 horsepower." I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4. He said,"NO, it's not.. Four is larger than two..." We haven't used Sears repair since.

TOO MUCH "DOH"
My daughter and I went through the McDonald's take-out window and I gave the clerk a $5 bill. Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her a quarter. She said,"You gave me too much money." I said, "Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar bill back." She
sighed and went to get the manager who asked me to repeat my request. I did so, and he handed me back the quarter, and said "We're sorry but we cannot do that kind of thing." The clerk then proceeded to give me back $1 and 75 cents in change. Do not confuse the clerks at Mickey D's.

OH, DEER!
I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the DEER CROSSING sign on our road. The reason: "Too many deer are being hit by cars out here! I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore." (From Kingman, KS._

BRAIN DRAIN
My sister-in-law came to visit for a few days and after taking a shower that first evening, she calmly told me that our tub had a leak. I question this and she says, "Go see for yourself, there's water all over the floor." I check the tub only to find that she had the shower curtain on the outside of the tub while showering. She's my husband's sister and has blonde hair. (From Westminster, CA)

LETTUCE HELP YOU
My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the person behind the counter for "minimal lettuce." He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg lettuce. (From Kansas City, MO)

MENTAL BAGGAGE
I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?" To which I replied, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?" He smiled knowingly and nodded, "That's why we ask." (From Birmingham, AL).

SIGNALS OF STUPIDITY
The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually-challenged co-worker of mine. She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red. Appalled,
she responded, "What on earth are blind people doing driving?!" She was a probation officer in Wichita, KS

DILBERT'S BOSS?
We were having a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear co-worker, as she was leaving the company due to "downsizing." Our manager commented cheerfully, "This is fun. We should do this more often." Not another word was spoken. We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare. This was a lunch at Texas Instruments.

ONE BRAIN CELL, UNPOWERED
I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and for the sake of her life, couldn't understand why her system would not turn on. She was a deputy with the Dallas County Sheriff's office, no less.

THE DOH IS OPEN
When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I
instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. "Hey," I announced to the technician, "It's open!" His reply, "I know. I already got that side. this was at the Ford dealership in Canton, MS .

BRIDGE TO NOWHERE
When I left Hawaii and was transferred to Florida, I still had the Hawaiian plates on my car, as my car was shipped from Hawaii . I was parking somewhere (I can't remember) and a guy asked me "Wow, you drove from Hawaii to here?" I looked at him and quickly said "Yep. I took the Hawaii/San Francisco Bridge". He nodded his head and said "Cool!"

STAY ALERT! They walk among us... and they VOTE and they REPRODUCE...


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

happy friday eve :o)

you too! opps Im one of them its thursday

My daughter was in Europe studing abroad. She called home to tell me she lost her credit card, so I called the company to which I was told I could not report this. It had to be my daughter whom called. I explained she had no way of calling. She explained to tell my daughter just to turn the credit card over and the number is on the back that she needed to call!