--------------------------------------------------

A very loud, unattractive, mean-acting woman walked into Wal-Mart
with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way through the
entrance.

The Wal-Mart Greeter said pleasantly, "Good
morning, and welcome to Wal-Mart.
Nice children you have there.
Are they twins?"

The ugly woman stopped yelling long
enough to say, "Hell no they ain't!"
The older one's 9
and the other one's 7. Why the hell would you think they're twins?

Are you blind, or just stupid?"

"I'm neither blind
nor stupid, Ma'am,' replied the greeter.
'I just couldn't believe
you got laid twice!!!
Have a good day and thank you for shopping
at Wal-Mart."

I wanna post this in the breakroom!!

Wow

a 70 yr old man had reached what he thought was the pinnacle of life and wanted to fulfill a life long dream, owning a convertible sports car.
so he went in and bought a little mercede's convertible and took it out on the freeway. he gave it some gas and thought wow, up to 60,then 70, wow this feels great he thought. when he got near 90, he looked in his rearveiw mirror and there was blue lights. damn, he thought of giiving him a run for his money but better judgement prevailed and he pulled over.
the state trooper,looked at the car, knowing it was new, and looked at the old man and said "sir, it time for me to get off, you were speeding and i do not want to do the paperwork, so if you can give one real good excuse why you were speeding, i will let you go with a warning"
the old man said sir " it was about 40 yrs ago, my beloved wife ran off with a state trooper and when i saw your blue lights, i thought damn, he's bringing her back too me."
trooper say "sir have a nice day"

Applause to both jokes