1. When I was born, I was given a choice - a big dick or a good memory....I don't remember what I chose.



2. Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.



3. A wife is a sex object. Every time you ask for sex, she objects.



4. Impotence: nature's way of saying, "No hard feelings..."



5. There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men - 'don't' and 'stop', unless they are used together.



6. Panties: not the best thing on earth, but next to the best thing on earth.



7. There are three stages in a man's life: Tri-Weekly, Try Weekly and Try Weakly.



8. Virginity can be cured.



9. Virginity is not dignity, it's lack of opportunity.



10. Having sex is like playing bridge - if you don't have a good partner, you better have a good hand.



11. I tried phone sex once, but the holes in the dialer were too small.



12. Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy.



13. Question: What's an Australian kiss?

Answer: The same thing as a French kiss, only down under.



14. A couple just married were happy with the whole thing. He was happy with the Hole and she was happy with the Thing.



15. Question: What are the three biggest tragedies in a man's life?

Answer: Life sucks, job sucks and the wife doesn't.



16. Question: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?

Answer: Breasts don't have eyes.



17. Despite the old saying, 'Don't take your troubles to bed', many men still sleep with their wives!