"This person is looking to you for "advice" WRONG! this person wants you
to say it's ok honey.. well don't do it!.."

Not my daughter! She knows better! I don't sugarcoat anything for
anyone, least of all her! She knows full well my feelings on the subject
(as well as others) and knows what would be "coming to her" if she
confided in me about it. My straightforwardness with her is quite
welcome, though, because she confides in me about everything.

A clear conscience has a really high value. Best way to have one of
those is to be faithful. Personally I think the clear conscience is more
important than a one night stand of infidelity.

After you've broken the mold of fidelity how do you get back to the
clear conscience?

As for advice to kids, they generally make their own choices and your
advice just leans them one direction or the other.

Telling the spouse can begin the downward spiral of distrust and
discontent. Not telling is disrespectful and deceitful, another card of
deceit in a previously clean deck.

There is no good answer here. Hence your posing the question in the
first place.

I'm not going to further my opinion.. because I already gave it.. it
wasnt advice.. it was just my opinion based on my own life experience.
Thats all. nothing more.

thats a crazy one but u hav to always tell ur mate ,,cause they always
hav a way over getten out so tell the truth and as for forgiveness if
they love u they will work it out with u and than get some help theres
a reason why u cheated find out why and get help for it

I guess, I will add my tow cents here also. This is not advice, just
from what I had experienced in a situation like this. In 1991, I found
out my wife had cheated on me, I learned this frommy son. When I
confronted my wife about it, she naturaly denied it, later, after I
filed for a divorce,she finaly admitted too it. Now,had she come to me
and told me aboutthe infidelity, I and we talked about it, I most likely
would have given her a second chance. I told her this, but she chose to
lie about it. It is not that I condone cheating or that there is any
reason to cheat,but in my case, I also blame myself for it, as I was a
workaholic and that job I had, took a lot of my time. and the man she
cheated with, worked with her at her job, so it was easy for them tosee
each other.

Wolf made an important point here. Having a cheating spouse is bad.
Having a lying, cheating spouse is worse.

I think you have to be able to trust your spouse. I fact I think you
have to automatically give trust to your spouse and you have to expect
them to be worthy of that trust. Otherwise your marriage is really on
shaky ground. Not trusting your spouse is a form of jealousy, always an
indicator of poor character. Either you have a relationship or you
don't.

I agree with GEHC, Jean and, well, anyone who advises you to keep out of
it. It is not your place to tell. However, once a spouse has cheated,
the second time is easier, and there is almost always a second
time...especially if a co-worker is involved. Short of one of the
guilty partys willfully quitting their job and posssibly even moving
away, this marraige is doomed. May sound ridiculous or drastic, but
necessary. However, a spouse cannot just up and quit thier job and/or
move out of town without an explanation to their spouse. Disclosure of
such information will more than likely end this marraige.
Whose to say the other person is not going to leak this information to
another co-worker? Most places of employment frown on that behaviour
and both people will more than likely be terminated from their jobs.
Add to that the public humiliation, the other spouse possibly finding
from someone else, an STD possibly being contracted....ALL BAD!
Unfortunately, this marraige is not likely going to last. It may for a
while, but doubtfully forever. If I were you, I wouldn't hide your
disappointment and disapproval of your childs behaviour. Tell it like
it is.

I have no tolerance for cheaters or liars. No one should.
It should not be publicly acceptable or even tolerated by society. I am
not saying someone deserves to be stoned, but something comparable to a
scarlett letter in todays day and age might do a world of good. I do
believe that society would be a better place if we had the morals,
beliefs and punishments that we used to.

and ye who is without sin, cast the first stone.

However, once a spouse has cheated,
the second time is easier, and there is almost always a second
time...especially if a co-worker is involved.
I agree "HAPPYRACECHICK" MY ex-brother-in-laws first wife cheated in the
first six months of their marriage with a co-worker and she told him and
they agreed to get through it together. And he thought they did but 7
years later he found out that she never stopped the affair. 6 1/2 Years
is a long time but once is too many for me. And if it is not told then
once that guilt subsides then there is not telling if another attempt
would be made.

I agree, too, and I also have to question calling cheating a "mistake."
Mistakes are, like, when you accidentally "color outside the lines."

Just how does one accidentally "cheat?" It's not a "mistake."

I mean, a man doesn't trip and fall and next thing you know --shades of
"Oh, my, how did this happen?" -- and finds his you-know-what is buried
you-know-where...

nor does a woman fall, and accidently im pale herself on him. lol

good mornin sheila!!! lol

LOve em Lisa!!!!

ok since we have to nit pick.. i used mistake as a nice term...
and if they are going to repair this damage(probably the term i should
have used) then it would be a mistake... Again thats just my damn
opinion...wholy jebus!

GEHC...thank you...I agree with you...very honest
more details: ..I have always had a very good relationship with my
daughters...the idea that one could talk to me about this is an
indication of our feelings & level of trust...
I would never insert myself into the discussion between them..
I can talk to them about love, marriage, divorce, mistakes,
all the things that I have learned over the years...but only if
they would ask for the advice...

Does infidelity change the way I think of my own daughter?..absolutely
not..it is not murder or child abuse..

But it did cause me to think about this...If I knew her husband had an
affair or one night thing...would I then feel compelled to tell my
daughter...Man!!..that is a tough one...

I am appreciating all this from everyone...

I will tell him, that everybody makes mistakes and to keep it to
himself, and after that i will ask him how it was.



Izzy