if your son or daughter, married 7 years..confided in you that they had
gone out with a co-worker one evening for drinks & it lead to
sex...which they are both sorry about and swore to each other it would
not happen again...What would be your advice?...
As far as they know their partner has been faithful thruout the
marriage......

should they tell?...
keep the secret?...

Keep their mouths shut,
only hurt the other.
Carry your own guilt.
If it happens again, get help or leave.

sage...we're on the same page...

I WOULDNT BE ABLE TO KEEP IT IN....I WOULD HAVE TO SAY SOMETHING BUT
THATS JUST ME!!!!!

I am all for honesty...I say lay the cards on the table and deal with it
from there...It's better than keeping a secret that will probably end up
tearing them up inside and most likely effect the relationship
anyway!!!!!!!

If they have a strong relationship things will work out..If not well
maybe they should go their seperate ways...Let's face it...If there
wasn't something wrong in the marriage this would not have
happened...People in a happy marriage don't let themselves slip...It's a
symptom of something deeper!!!!!!!!

If my daughter confided in me, would I tell my son-in-law? Oh, HAIL no!

But I'd have a very serious talk with her about how, if she's unhappy
enough to have an affair, then it's time to think about divorce. Either
that or some serious introspection and possible counseling.

people who tell something that important, are seeking a safe place to
lay there head and tell there secret to.



Usually they aren't looking for advice..


and life doesnt have black and white answers.


what suits one couple will not suit another......

to withhold is to lie........


even that can be a gray........area.

2 children under 7yrs involved...

I think they should decide that for their selfs-

but honesty is the better way to go...That kind of thing

is very hard on a marriage.Hope all will work out for them.

If they choose to keep it secret it will eat at them.

They should not have gone out for drinks to begin with.(but

thats in the past allready).

At work romances or flings are on the rise in society today.

id have to say do it again damnt infedelity is awesome.

the adults are involved first then the children...

Bill........it usually comes down to the adults first.


they will work it out........

if you feel a need to say something then say it .......


to them.........

the sky wont fall.

however if you dont then dont.

If asked for advice?


Turn the tables is what I would do with one of mine, ask them to put the
shoe on the other foot..

and let thewm give their own advice to themselves.

Would they want to know if their partner had been unfaithful?

And where are all the 'cheaters are scum' screamers now?

What, because your child had an affair, it is different rules?

Interesting..what is tolerable, and intolerable...

I didn't mean I would..tell I meant he/she should...I would advise
he/she to..

Maybe I misunderstood the question!!!!!!!

id say take the co worker back out, get him/her drunk, take advantage of
the situation, and get some d a m n strange!

I feel that I have spent most of my life raising my children to be
morally responsible adults. I would let them know that it has to be
their decision on whether or not to tell their spouse, but I would
support them no matter what their decision.

just my 2Cs

one thing to think about in all of this. Do they really know if this
coworker had any stds. They may have given something to their spouse
that they don't even know about. If they used protection then that may
not be an issue but if they didn't...

definitely a good point pagrby!!!

I wasnt going to say anything, but (_(_)< always a big butt involved..

I have been on the "other foot" so to speak... I know what it feels like
for someone to tell you or find out your spouse cheated on you.If this
was infact a one time offense My opinion is say nothing.
Honestly, you can give all the advice out you want and say if it was you
you'd.. but when it comes down to the nitty gritty you really DON'T know
how you will handle it until it is YOU it's happening to.
This "child" needs to step back and look at the relationship at hand..
and really decide that WHAT made this weakness happen... something made
them say "yes" to a "no" situation. And DO NOT blame alcohol for it.
thats a cop-out.
This person is looking to you for "advice" WRONG! this person wants you
to say it's ok honey.. well don't do it!.. They made their bed , they
need to lay in it. It's their conscience, not yours. And, it was
selfish of them to bring you into their "side".
Question # 1 How much does this person really "love" their spouse
Question #2 How honest are they to eachother...
Question #3 What in their relationship led up to that moment of weakness
Question #4 Would it devastate the other person to tell them what you
did?
I'll answer that YES! It will. It will give the cheated on one doubt,
fear, questions of trust, anxiety, self worth, and the all mighty
question..."what's wrong with me syndrom" How could you do this to me...
US ...our child!!!, dont you love me, wasnt i enough, dont i turn you on
, what do they have that i dont, what do they do that it dont do.....
Question #5 Was it really worth it?
Question #6 Would that person really be faithful for the rest of the
relationship?

They do not need to mention it unless they are prepared to end their
marriage. Wether or not anyone believes me.. Marriage does end on one a
time mistake. and if it was indeed "1" time.. and they really LOVE said
spouse.. then MOVE ON! and BE FAITHFUL.

You my friend, Do not need to get involved. 1 you have a bias opinion
cause the "child" is yours... Do the right thing and let this "child"
fall on one's own ass.. just be there for a silent shoulder and a hug.
May sound harsh, but there again.. life is cruel.

And where are all the 'cheaters are scum' screamers now?

***

I believe that cheaters are scum, even if it's my own daughter. She
would never cheat on her husband, however, but, if she did, I would have
a talk with her about it, for sure. She wasn't raised to behave that
way.

I wouldn't tell her husband, because that's her place to do that, not
mine. However, although I abhor cheating, I won't break someone's
confidence in me, ESPECIALLY not my daughter's.

But I do have my limitations on that, too. If someone confided in me
that they had committed murder, for instance, I'd definitely turn them
in to the police.

I was about to reply as well and then I read greeneyedhippiechicks's
post and I couldn't agree more! Well said!! Everyone has thier own
journey in this life and everyone has thier own lessons to learn. Sad
but true