No matter how you do it if the other still loves you it will hurt.

I let them down the way I would like to be let down, with the truth and tact, no reason is good enough to be mean even if they were mean to me.

You are a gem. And I think you are right about the kind thing. However sometimes, the kindness is misleading and people think there is still a chance. I ended up having to be almost rude once and I felt bad about it for days. It did finally do the trick though.

Tell them how much you appreciate their friendship, and what a great person they are but that there just doesn't seem to be any chemistry between the two of you, and you don't want to ruin the friendship by trying to make a relationship work that doesn't have all that is needed.

Although I hold out little hope for any normalcy for the children at least I could have spared them that last awful scene if I'd just said to her, "I'm sorry we are done" and left.

I never told you that I saw her about 4 months later with a guy. When I broke up with her she said that she would seek family and individual therapy for her and the children.

I'm guessing the stuff about therapy was bullsh!t to try and keep me around. Any therapist worth their weight in salt would've have told her to concentrate on the kids and family and take a break from chasing men.

give them the ole "it's not you it's me".

Nah, everyone knows that's a crock. I will not explain or give "closure." I think closure is a pop psych term anyway. No bs, just a straight up "we're done," is how I'd like to be told.