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| Topic: My 23yr old son is coming home at my Requst! | |
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YOU have made a very good judgment! thank you!
1. Alcoholic, I come from a long family, I quit in 1994 for my daughter, and son. The "Dare Program", taught my daughter in school to not do it. She attended many classes while she was only in the 6th grade. However we moved before my son could take the classes. I Have even dated recovered alcoholics and gone to the meetings many times on both side, so I do understand the out come of this. We have a wonderful AA, here in Stillwater that i have asked my Son to attend and I will go with him for support if he would like, He has agreed so far. His father would not give up smoking even when are kids developed asthma, or anything else. I am hopping or wishing that my son since i do not know him any longer will have the ability to understand we are there for him if nothing else if he decides to do this. however i do have a back up plan which is the counseling i have set up for him to attend if he is going to live here???? I know he will go to this at least. 2. I can see what you mean about when I said "I will take responsibility for my son's actions? I think what I meant is that there are so many parents that leave there kids out on the streets like my parents did giving the kid no Choices but what they really have to do to survive. By taking Responsibility for my child, who i had, who i gave life too. I feel that since my child is crying out for help that I feel it is my responsibility to help him as much as i can. So many parents refuse to help there child, But my mother always told me one thing. Do what ever you can for your child no matter what because later in life they will understand it once they have kids and a family, then they will see what you went through and that is when they will be grateful you are there parent. If you give them kindness when they need it the most, then when your a senior they will give you respect. How you treat your children, is how they later will treat you. Have mercy on them so they can have mercy on others. I know that My daughter now appreciates me so much, she spoil's me and so dose her husband. Because they can see how much I am being there for them. How much Responsibility I take to care for my grandchild. Most grandparents would not even attempt what i am doing. And some would love to but there kids lost faith in them years ago. But I see what you mean! Even though my son is going to have to work 1 1/2 jobs at least to pay off his bills, he is still in a way getting a free ride because he came home. However he will have to also pay rent just like he did with his (roommates) and chores, nothing will really change. Except that His Mother and Sister, a Son in law and 3yr old niece will be here for him. 3. YOUR right I do blame his friends and Society: I will have to stop this. Even though I feel so strongly that I understand what you are saying. It is still his fault because he had Free Will to make the choices. I guess then that is were I have to change MY Self. Maybe I am the one that still blames society, and my own parents, ex husband. They had there Free will and chose it over me. I guess i have not learned this in life. I can see what you mean. Which then leads to Maybe I do not take responsibility for my self or my actions either but always take it for others... I have to search my heart on this one.. I think you hit the nail on the hammer.. thank you...... Sometimes when we look at are self's it helps us look at the real picture... Thank YOU... If i am blaming then. He is blaming his Mother and Father, friends, ect for his problems, and that could be a situation that might explode in the house.. Great Point.... I use to be told i stereo type but I guess this is more the truth.. I BLAME!... ------------------------------------------------------------------ I do think that going into this with your eyes wide open is in everyone's best interests. ---------------------------------------------------------------- This is why I came here in the first place to have anyone help me and give me advice on this.. I have been giving so much advice to so many people but now it is my turn to listen and learn... This is something I have not dealt with.. So thank all of you for talking to me and helping me through all of this. |
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   Thank you all so much, Please note i am still trying to learn how to reply? lol To earthlytaurse76, Thank you.. I am also a Taurus62. LOL I will pray for your son and "wish him home with his mother".... Love you all! so much, I can not express how much my heart is filled of gratitude for everyone today! |
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YOU have made a very good judgment! thank you! 1. Alcoholic, I come from a long family, I quit in 1994 for my daughter, and son. The "Dare Program", taught my daughter in school to not do it. She attended many classes while she was only in the 6th grade. However we moved before my son could take the classes. I Have even dated recovered alcoholics and gone to the meetings many times on both side, so I do understand the out come of this. We have a wonderful AA, here in Stillwater that i have asked my Son to attend and I will go with him for support if he would like, He has agreed so far. His father would not give up smoking even when are kids developed asthma, or anything else. I am hopping or wishing that my son since i do not know him any longer will have the ability to understand we are there for him if nothing else if he decides to do this. however i do have a back up plan which is the counseling i have set up for him to attend if he is going to live here???? I know he will go to this at least. 2. I can see what you mean about when I said "I will take responsibility for my son's actions? I think what I meant is that there are so many parents that leave there kids out on the streets like my parents did giving the kid no Choices but what they really have to do to survive. By taking Responsibility for my child, who i had, who i gave life too. I feel that since my child is crying out for help that I feel it is my responsibility to help him as much as i can. So many parents refuse to help there child, But my mother always told me one thing. Do what ever you can for your child no matter what because later in life they will understand it once they have kids and a family, then they will see what you went through and that is when they will be grateful you are there parent. If you give them kindness when they need it the most, then when your a senior they will give you respect. How you treat your children, is how they later will treat you. Have mercy on them so they can have mercy on others. I know that My daughter now appreciates me so much, she spoil's me and so dose her husband. Because they can see how much I am being there for them. How much Responsibility I take to care for my grandchild. Most grandparents would not even attempt what i am doing. And some would love to but there kids lost faith in them years ago. But I see what you mean! Even though my son is going to have to work 1 1/2 jobs at least to pay off his bills, he is still in a way getting a free ride because he came home. However he will have to also pay rent just like he did with his (roommates) and chores, nothing will really change. Except that His Mother and Sister, a Son in law and 3yr old niece will be here for him. 3. YOUR right I do blame his friends and Society: I will have to stop this. Even though I feel so strongly that I understand what you are saying. It is still his fault because he had Free Will to make the choices. I guess then that is were I have to change MY Self. Maybe I am the one that still blames society, and my own parents, ex husband. They had there Free will and chose it over me. I guess i have not learned this in life. I can see what you mean. Which then leads to Maybe I do not take responsibility for my self or my actions either but always take it for others... I have to search my heart on this one.. I think you hit the nail on the hammer.. thank you...... Sometimes when we look at are self's it helps us look at the real picture... Thank YOU... If i am blaming then. He is blaming his Mother and Father, friends, ect for his problems, and that could be a situation that might explode in the house.. Great Point.... I use to be told i stereo type but I guess this is more the truth.. I BLAME!... ------------------------------------------------------------------ I do think that going into this with your eyes wide open is in everyone's best interests. ---------------------------------------------------------------- This is why I came here in the first place to have anyone help me and give me advice on this.. I have been giving so much advice to so many people but now it is my turn to listen and learn... This is something I have not dealt with.. So thank all of you for talking to me and helping me through all of this. I think you are far wiser than you may give yourself credit for. It sounds like you have a solid plan. Just remember, you'll need to protect yourself and the rest of your family if things don't work out they way you hope. I wish you well, you will be in my prayers. I do believe that the power of love can work miracles |
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flixxy.com/bear-animal-nature-film.htm
I think this says it all. I have always said, I must have been a Bear in another life. It fits my personality. I defend My child no matter what. But the questions sits... The bear, dose not have a mind to blame the Cougar for the rest of its life. That is were I as a human Have to stop, Blaming the world, society, the family and friends. His father. Dose anyone have advice, all the counseling only allows you to express your feelings, Every one says... Stop blaming.. Ok.. then HOW>>>> How do i Learn to Re word my words... with out blame.. I was thinking today! everyone I blame in my life for my own situation.. YES, i am responsible then for my child's life, for it was my Responsibility to have left his father years ago instead of staying in a broken relation ship+ that i new had ended with in the first 3year of the marriage, but i did not, My mother told me to stay in there. I wanted to leave. and year after year.. I hated being married to this man. I hated him for having a Threesome while i was at work.. and it crushed me when he told me the truth, instead of Forgiving him for a mistake he had made, I punished him for it. and by the time i got over it, I had already destroyed the family. With a coped attitude.. Then I became so sick in my heart year after year, knowing he was cheating on me, and the kids watching it and telling me... And I let it go on. again because everyone said. stay married for the kids. OK 26yrs later i did that.. Now the kids Hate... Regret... and Blame as i do.... So what did i teach them.. HOW to hate there father, how to punish others, how to punish yourself if anything.. I dont want to be happy someone told me for if i did, i would, i want the world to know my misery so i feel connected to SOMEONE... but in the end... I think i am helping others by telling my story... but instead. I have been told i am complaining, i am whining, I am unforgiving. I think there all right. My son Drinks yes! it is his choice and I can not do anything about it, I am powerless... I know that I am the person that Changes, when I know there is something wrong with me. I change it.. And his Father refused to change. So my son learns.... What..... Change is bad.... But maybe thee is hope, if everyone can help me change, MY words, actions, Tell me how to be happy, I cant find the happiness even with everything i have, even with everything i do for others.. there is nothing for just me.... And it is always.. boo hoo when me. when is it my time to be happy.. But then God comes in and adds one more on my shoulder.....I am sure he is trying to make me strong enough to handle it all when I do become on my own at 50?yrs old... I cant even think of this.. OMG>>> 50yrs old and it will be the first time since i was 18teen and kicked out of the house. I could not make it then, how will I at 50 make it. I have never kept a job, for i was the in home mother, all i do is watch kids all day and night... And I do not want this for my future.. I am getting to old taking care of everyone. If i do not have a direction. then how could i have given my son a direction. I have dreams.. but I don't do anything with them, I start them don't get me wrong but I never finish them. I think i need someone to help me, to be with me, to be a part of it. I cant seem to find ME>>>>>> in anything I do.. I do everything for everyone else.... So how can I expect my son to be his best, if I can not even be my best or do what I want to be..... ??? I have a lot to think about... I thank all of you... I know you all think i have the answers.. NO>>> i have a written Plan on paper and in my mind... but The event has not happened, I do not know what it is going to be like, maybe I just make a big thing out of nothing because Fear itself is only Fear.... the UN Known... is the most scariest thing to me.. The initiation of it all... scares me the most..... |
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I had a wonderful night with my Son's visit, he bought ribs, you can read my Profile for the rest of the information.
It was nothing like I had worked up self up to believe. Because last time my son came he started a 9 hr debate and it lasted until 5am I was so tired the next day. That was back on April 12th, he took over my daughters birthday and made it all about him. Telling me he was leaving to move back with his Father. But it was in the end just a cry out! asking for help. Not knowing what to do anymore. But his father did not want him there so he said here. Thank God he did! Now, this week he will be moving his stuff in the house. To have a new beginning. I can see from all of you, I have a lot of work to do ON ME!.. Thank you for all your advice, This is one women who learns from her mistakes. |
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