The following are actual answer phone messages recorded and verified by
the world famous:-

INTERNATIONAL INSTITUTE OF
ANSWERPHONE MESSAGES:


My wife and I can’t come to the phone right
now, but if you leave your name and number
and any message, we’ll get back to you as we’re finished.

A is for Academics, B is for beer. One of those reasons is why I’m
not here; So leave a message after the tone.

Hi, this is Tom: If you are the phone company, I already sent the money.
If you are my friend, please send money. If you are my financial aid
institution, you didn’t lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you
owe me money. If you are female, don’t worry, I have plenty of money.

Hi. Now you say something.

Hi. I’m not home at the moment, but my answer phone is. So you can talk
to it after the tone.

Hello. I’m Tom’s answer phone, what are you?

Hello, if you leave a message, I’ll call you soon. If you leave a sexy
message, I’ll call you straight back.

Hi. Johns’ answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator. Please
speak very slowly, and I’ll stick your message to myself with some of
these magnets.

Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages.
My owner does not need sliding windows, or, a hot tub. His carpets are
clean. He gives to charity through his office, and does not need his
picture taken. If you’re still with me, leave your name and number, and
he’ll get back to you.

This is not an answering machine. This is a Telepathic Thought Recording
Device. After the tone, think about your name, number and your reason
for calling, and I’ll think about calling you back.

If you are a burglar, then I’m probably at home, cleaning my weapons
right now and can’t come to the phone. Otherwise, I’m probably not at
home, and it’s safe for you to leave a message.

Please leave a message. However, you have the right to remain silent.
Everything you say will be recorded and used by me.

Hello. You’ve reached Jim and Sonya. We can’t pick up the phone right
now, because we’re doing something we really enjoy. Sonya likes doing it
up and down, and I like doing it left to right…really slowly, so, leave
a message and when we’ve finished brushing our teeth, we’ll call you
back.

Hi. This is Tom. Please leave a message after the tone. If, however,
you’ve dialled a wrong number, don’t worry, the phone was ringing
anyway.

I might use this one

"Hi. Now you say something."

wow heard some of those

Mine cellphone answeing machine says at the beep lave a message

*running to change message on my machine*

Humm good ones lol , got rid of my land line phone over 2 years ago
since the kids and I all have cell phones and never used the one at the
house much quiter now lol.

ah! those are great.

I heard this one once...lol

"Joe's Pool Hall....Liquer in the front, Poker in the rear..

Mine used to say "I'm tied up right now and get come to the phone. Leave
a message and when I get untied I'll call you back"