* If you mixed vodka with orange juice and milk of magnesia, would
you get a Philip's Screwdriver?
* Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?
* Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
* If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
* Why do women wear evening gowns to nightclubs? Shouldn't they be
wearing night gowns? If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
* When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts," and you put
your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?
* Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
* Why do croutons come in airtight packages? It's just stale bread
to begin with. When cheese gets it's picture taken, what does it say?
* Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person
who drives a race car not called a racist?
* Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?
* Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
* If horrific means to make horrible, does terrific mean to make
terrible?
* Why isn't 11 pronounced onety one?
* "I am." is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English
language. Could it be that "I do." is the longest sentence?
* If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it
follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted,
cowboysderanged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked and dry cleaners
depressed?
* Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as "4's"?
* Why is it that if someone tells you that there are 1 billion stars
in the universe you will believe them, but if they tell you a wall has
wet paint you will have to touch it to be sure?
* If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several
times,does he become disoriented?
* If people from Poland are called "Poles," why aren't people from
Holland called "Holes?"

LoL

LMAO that is too funny Whisper

YOU DONE IT AGAIN WHISPER.

I intend to live forever - so far, so good.

I’d kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is
research.

The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.

Save the whales. Collect the whole set.

A day without sunshine is like, night.

On the other hand, you have different fingers.

I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.

42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.

Honk if you love peace and quiet.

Remember, half the people you know are below average.

He who laughs last thinks slowest.

Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.

Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.

Get a new car for your spouse. It'll be a great trade!

Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.

Always try to be modest, and be proud of it!

If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.

How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hand...

OK, so what's the speed of dark?

How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked
something.

When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.

Everyone has a photographic memory; Some just don't have film.

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what the hell
happened.

Remember, amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic

oooooooo whisp my eyes hurt from all the reading

where do you get some of this stuff?

I research when I am bored.

hey Ned hows it going lil dude?

bahaha! my face hurts from smiling so much. those are great!

that is
good

GOOD ONE GIRL

Of course, I am going to have to steal these....!!

Great little tidbits, Whisper!!! THANKS!!!

When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts," and you put
your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?


It goes to the government.