You've been on TV more than 5 times
describing the sound of a tornado.

You dated your daddy's current wife in high school.

You can tell your age by the
number of rings in the bathtub.

You can change the oil in your truck
without ducking your head.


Your stereo speakers used to belong
to the Moonlight Drive-in Theater.


You stare at an orange juice container
because it says, "CONCENTRATE".


YOUR IDEA OF HIGH-QUALITY ENTERTAINMENT
IS A SIX-PACK AND A BUG-ZAPPER.


Anyone in your family died right
after saying, "Hey, y'all watch this!".


You think the last words to
The Star Spangled Banner are
"Gentlemen, start your engines."


You think TACO BELL is
the Mexican Phone Company


You think Genitalia is an Italian airline.

Your sister is the third generation
of women in your family to conceive
a baby as a result of an alien abduction.


Your front porch collapses
and four dogs git killed.

You can get dog hair from out of your belly button.

You take a six-pack cooler to church.

You had to remove a toothpick
for your wedding pictures.

You have a rag for a gas cap.


One of your kids was born on a pool table.

Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.

Your house doesn't have curtains,
but your truck does.

The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your wife.

You think the three primary colors are
John Deere Green, Ford Blue, and Primer Gray.

if THIS is your wedding cake: