that if he ever seen his dad.......he would punch him in the face. I told him "what good would that do?" He said "He deserves it"....

He has only seen him sporadically out of the blue since he was 3 years old. His dad is a meth head and he knows it.....

What would you do or say?

Maybe just let him know you can understand his anger and frustration. Just validate his feelings. No need to make excuses for the father or try to smoothe feathers.

let him vent.

hes angry and hes expressing it. Im sure he probably WOULDNT punch him in the nose.....

and i woulda said the same thing...what good would it do. make a conversation and get him to express his feelings and explore his thoughts

he has to answer for this....being a meth head......having to look at his son's face someday, and truly answer for it, eye to eye......dad, you failed me. failed me like no other...ever, we were supposed to be close! you were supposed to protect me from the world....ME and MOM!!!!!!!! why!!!!!! why is that more important than us!!!!!!! chemicals that cost nothing! you chose those, over living breathing family! us! your flesh and blood!!!!!! what punishment do you deserve?!?!?! who......are you!!!!!!!! (older as your son grows)

i forgive you, but i won't ever forget what you've done!!!! i hope you clean it up, for you will pay.....natures law is strict!!!!!! be afraid.................BE VERY AFRAID.

and good luck facing the poweres that be. they don't handle betrayal well. you will meet the foot long planarian worms first in your decent into the earth in local 2.....after that.....oblivion. loved you daddy....too bad you didn't love us enough......bye.....

these worms do exist in the plane just beyond ours.

Tweekers... Sheesh !

Your son shouldn't punch him in the face, he should karate chop him, more specifically an upper cut to the floating ribs, then a round house kick to the knee, and to finish him off, a back fist to his nose. That oughta teach him. Dead beat dads suck.

I should know, I had one myself.

Love ya...

When my son wanted to do the same with his stepdad; I told him "not while you live at this house. He would just sue us. Wait till you are on your own & then if you still want, it is your thing."

By the time he left home, he had out grown the idea.

He is just hurting, give him a big hug.

One day he will see his father as a sick, flawed man, and maybe find understanding for him.

Then when he is much older, he will see within himself, with his own past, flaws and regrets.

And maybe, maybe, he will find forgiveness for his father.

Anger and resentment are poisons which are intended for another, but can destroy ourselves instead.



Good Luck.

Very true indeed.

Anger and resentment, if kept within, can become poisonous cancer inside us.

Unless...

We release that anger by karate chopping the person towards whom we have built this anger and resentment.

Then we shall find peace and harmony within.

So be understanding and show forgiveness, but only after a swift boot to the head.

Let him do it.

I'm not going to go into personal details, but I was of the same view when I was a kid. That day finally came, and you know what:

a) I did feel better (short term).
b) I learned that it didn't really help anything (long term).

Killed 2 birds with 1 stone, and I honestly believe if I didn't do it, I would have walked around with a belly full of contempt and a big chip on my shoulder for more years than what was necessary.

As much as you want to protect your kids as a parent, sometimes you have to let them make their own mistakes, its the only way to learn the hard lessons.

Well, I would be careful not to project my own opinions and feelings onto my child, but I would let him know that it's ok to feel the way he feels. I would let him know that I'm here for him and he can talk to me about it. I would also look into having him talk to a counselor or other professional.

Thanks for all your replies!!!

Has your son ever tried a Nar-Anon meeting or a kid Alanon meeting?
Maybe even a counselor that deal with families and addiction.

I do hope that he doesn't take his Dad's lack of fathering personal. He's sick with addiction.

Sorry you picked a methhead to have a child with. The child seneces his dad is sick. Since, he had little to no contact with Dad, the child must hear things about his dad. Influencing a child about others should be dealt with care and concern. A bad example is a good lesson. Children learn many lessons. I would be concerend with the action the child wants to take. Physical abuse.??

WE all need to express our disapointments in life. Try to keep the child away from your own anger. It sounds like there may be outside influences in the childs judgements.

It is not easy to be a single parent. But adult issues are that. Not for the ears of the children.

My 10 yr old son has said purty much the same thing about his father. He's told me that he wants nuthin to do with him an never wants to see him. I've told him that's his choice an that I would never force him to see him. His father hasn't bothered to see him since he was 2. And the sad thing is that drugs have nuthin to do with it. He simply doesn't want to be a Dad to him.
Understand his feelings, respect them, let him vent, and if at all possible get him into counseling so that he can get the help he needs to sort thru his feelings. Above all else never 'bad' mouth his father around him. He will an seems to have already formed his own opinions.

You know what is funny??? Ive never said a bad word about his dad to him. I think he may have heard a few things from his grandpa.....which I was unaware of. My son is almost 17.....and full of testosterone now. I didnt pick a meth head to have a child with. He wasnt like that until my son turned 2.....

Ive never once bad mouthed him. I think open communication is what Im striving for and his feelings are valid. I doubt it if he would actually take action....but I do know that its bothering him not having his dad care about him.

Speakin only for myself, I didn't have my Dad growin up an I can totally understand ur son's feelings. It seems to me that ur doin the right thing by ur son. I know as a Mom it's hard to see them hurtin in such a way. I'd like nuthin more than to smack my son's father across the face for hurtin him as he does. Just continue to do what ur doin. Talk to him, let him no there's nuthin wrong with him feelin as he does. He more than has the right to feel the way he does. Counselin will also help him. Hopefully he has a strong male influence in his life to make up for not havin his father.

OP your son is almost a man now. He will realize in time as he explores life that his dad is ill.

There are many programs out there to help with his issues.

As your son sets forth in the world he will realize this and see his dad for what he is. A man with an illness.

I hope he can come to terms with his anger, life is too short for bad feelings.

Let them go. Live one day at a time. Good motos to live with.

I have a suggestion, this is an exercise my counselor gave me to do an it helped me tremendously. Suggest to ur son that he writes his faher a letter explainin how he feels. Tell him it's not to give him but a way to get his feelings out an on paper. Or even keepin a journal. I sat down one day an wrote a 5 page letter to my Dad. Afterwards I read it then burned it. It helped me tremendously.