Step forward
Out of the shadows,
That cigarette
Dangling from your
Parched lips.
I want to run you
Over with my car
Because you lied
To me again.

Who's on your mind
Dear lover?
For when is it
Truly right
To play me like
A pawn in
A chess game,
Not letting me move
Until the other
Player has already won?

I cannot run to him,
But I dare not run to you.
Either way I'll be the one
Who's used.

I will not keep promises,
Nor can I be true.
Where can I go?
Who will accept this
Wretched creature,
This wh*re?
Can you?

If only I could be
What I'm supposed to be,
But I don't know what that is.
Look's like I'm back
On the razor's edge again.

Can I hate you?
Will I need you?
What kind of borderline is this?
I can't see the edge
And I never knew I'd fall so fast
Into this endless abyss.

Cold darkness.
Scars.
Who will love me now?

For many, the journey of knowing self is the journey of many roads.

May you have all you need as your guide

thanks AngelLight.... i just wish it was less confusing for me to know what i want and what i need....thanks mostly to my borderline personality disorder i don't know who i want/need to be most of the time...

You're welcome BCG....perhaps because of the "BPD" you will best come to know what you want and need? I don't know....

I only know I just reread your write twice, and I see a number of things you appear to be very clear about in terms of what you want and need....like

to engage with transparency ... "Step forward Out of the shadows"

to acknowledge you feel angry, and that you desire truth

to be seen as a person, not as a "game piece"

to be able to freely move, without being constricted by someone else's need to control your movements

to not be used in any situation or by any person

to commit, when you are able and ready...."keep promises...be true"

to be accepted by self and others

to know who you are, and simply be free to be "that"

to find your clarity, despite confusion....the abyss

to know love, despite "cold, darkness, scars"....

Anyway, that's what I see in the write....perhaps you know more about what you want/need than you think? Just some thoughts...

Wow.... Thank you for pointing this out to me because I honestly did not see this as vividly as you saw it. I truly appreciate your input like this.

You're very welcome BCG, yet, just remember, you so clearly expressed your needs in the poem, even if you didn't initially see it. Now you can more vividly see what you are inherently saying in any future write

Parts of this were very strong....and strong with feeling. Well done.

Keep on learning about yourself and feeling. With time, the feeling will become more moderate and softer....bringing contentment, serenity, even happiness.

Beautifully expressed Angel

I agree