Even though I have managed to prevent, what in hindsight, appears to be a lapse inconsciousness, I feel something is still lacking here...

I'm getting quicker in making assessments of what is real and what is fake when communicating with some of the women from websites and in person.

Ladies, please don't think I am aiming at just the women, I'm aware that there are just as many fake men out there as well...

What kills me is I am still allowing myself to bypass initial problems that in retrospect, are tangible...

Examples are,,,

Part of an email is copy and paste (how their blah did blah and they blah to get blah and blah blah blah). It starts out typed as being current, then you can tell it's been copied/pasted because they don't have the brains to correct the reliefs in the lines from pasting into a smaller space...
They want to keep you on the phone for hours because,,, they get free incoming calls pre latenight hours...
You talk for hours, get that feel of "maybe", then you call when you're supposed to only to get voicemail. You stop it at three attempts and they get upset because you didn't try them 20 times until they got home drunk 11 hours later than the arranged time.
You know that members of your gender can be mean and horrible but you notice a pattern that no matter what has happened in their life, it is never their fault.
You have kids or another reason you do not want them to call at some certain time and they call you much later.
Possibly not answering one of those calls, causes you to be accused of being whatever, married, living in an old folks home, a prisoner.
Hearing a voice of the opposite sex of the person you're talking to, immediately followed by "I gotta go, click" without any explanation the next day and expecting you to have forgotten it.

I'm trying to figure out why I accept some of these and wait for a second or third occurence before I decide to just block, uncheck, delete or ignore them...
I try to tell myself that I am being too judgemental and there's some circumstances that may be unknown but really, they're usually just a red flag in the beginning of a

Is it safe to assume that by readin ur last few threads you've had a bad experience meetin someone online??? Congratulations! You're now a card carryin member of the "I've been fooled online" club. I could write a book on the crap I've encountered. Lick whatever wounds you might have, dust yourself off, an try again. You can't let one apple spoil the whole bushel. If that were the case then I woulda given up a very very very long time ago.

I've gotten to the point where the first red flag = my walking away. My huge issue is honesty, and the slightest hint of him being anything but honest sends me flying in the opposite direction. My logic is that if the person will lie about something dumb/petty, they'll definitely lie about the important stuff.

Just walked away from someone I felt had real promise because he lied outright about something so stupid it was almost laughable. *shrug*

So, don't blame you for being what you term "judgmental". There are thresholds for everyone, and if someone crosses the tolerance level, boot 'em.

I've had six iffies, possibles and maybes in a month. I think I know what the problem is now that you mention apples...
I have a container of strawberries (emails) and I obviously didn't turn the container over to see the bad ones...
I wonder if now that I've taken time with the others, the good ones might go bad?

I even have to wonder if they see this post and see how many I've attempted to meet, that it may make them a little concerned?

I am really contemplating that this whole brutal honesty thing that I practice is a blockade that limits my possibilities...

I'm thinking that maybe what I learned in the military didn't stick so well...
Something about never volunteering ?









21 stupid me salute

No, brutal honesty is a huge plus, or should be.

Would you really want to compromise who you are in order to attract someone that will not appreciate it once you reveal it?

Nobody is good enough for me

In your OP I'm not really even sure what you're talking about.

It might be prudent to exchange mails for a while before you move to phone. Get some more foundational information out of the way.

Red flags can be things you might not have thought of, either... I had a guy who couldn't get his kids to bed and always went up to get them when they cried... I told him I'd call him at 8:30 after my son went to bed and he said, wow... how do you get him to go to bed? Then he said his 9 year old weighed 140 pounds. It quickly became apparent to me he did not love his kids enough to tell them no and give them the boundaries and structures required. He parented to make himself feel good. That's a NO NO NO for me. It was sucky when I had to cut off future calls, as he wanted to meet. There really is no tactful way to tell someone they aer a bad parent. I settled on 'non-copacetic parenting styles'.

Oh come on! U didn't like my fruit analogy??? I won't bore u with how many 'possiblies' I've come across over the years that I've been tryin this online thing.
There's absolutely nuthin wrong with brutal honesty. I myself use it. I find that it does help 'weed out' some prospects before I invest too much wasted time.
I've learned that communicatin thru emails for quite sometime, then movin to im, then eventually to the phone if they make it that far is the best way for me to go. If the guy can stick thru all of that an no 'red flags' appear then it maybe time for a face to face meet.
There have been times that I myself should give myself a 21 stupid me salute, I think we've all been there at one time or another. Just gotta learn from it an move on.

"I wonder if now that I've taken time with the others, the good ones might go bad?"
hmmmmmmmmmmm....do strawberry people go bad?

Of these examples that you have posted, any of them would fly with me -- for about 5 seconds. You need to trust your instincts. You know when you start talking to someone whether they're being totally up-front with you, or if they're trying real hard to not tell you something (at least I can). If I get ANY vibe of trepidation that wouldn't have a logical reason for it, it's time to take a step back. On the other hand, if something unusual happens on an off-chance, but you KNOW better than to think the worst, then it would be best to just let it slide.

You need to be able to determine the level of trust. If you can't trust the person you're talking to/dating, why bother talking to them or dating them?

They tend to get a little moldy, well, at least that's what I think the fine hairs are,,, maybe they just get moustaches?

Desperate?


Surely anyone with half a brain would be out in less time than it takes to change your mind...

stop being'nice' and start being real...you cannot value another until you value yourself.

hey, I think I am a very nice real person, and so are you!! hang in there!!

We all get dumbass attacks, me probably the most. For me, the worst seems to be the scammers. I actually joined a scam-busting group to learn how to spot them....clever little @#*&%$#$ they are!
I got stood up on my first date in 20 YEAR! We had set a date for last Saturday to go to dinner and a movie, I picked the dinner place and she picked the movie. was to call her at noon on Saturday to let her know what time I could pick her up. Called her four times...NO ANSWER!
What did I do? Ordered a Philly steak pizza, watched some movies with my dog, and realized that there are more fish out there. Just gotta reel it in and cast it back out again.
Don't give up, it isn't true what they say about there being that one person for everyone. there are many people for everyone, you just have to be patient until you find the one that you connect with.

P.S: Want some Tylenol Migrane for all that forehead wallsmashing you posted? That looks like it hurts alot!

It looks like it hurts A LOT, too.