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| Topic: About to throw in the towel | |
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Jess, this was too good not to repeat because that really is IT! You said.. "We feel safe with men who are capable, and confident, we can trust they are who they project themselves to be...they walk their talk... they have the capacity for empathy, and compassion, and a sensitivity to their partner, but ultimately, can be relied upon to be supportive, or take charge." Dead on! Thankyou, Lovely 
.... I know I generalised, and many women may feel differently, but I have learnt through speaking with many women, inherantly, it's what we most desire. And men need to know this. it's the whole package, isn't it? 
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Jess, this was too good not to repeat because that really is IT! You said.. "We feel safe with men who are capable, and confident, we can trust they are who they project themselves to be...they walk their talk... they have the capacity for empathy, and compassion, and a sensitivity to their partner, but ultimately, can be relied upon to be supportive, or take charge." Dead on! Thankyou, Lovely
.... I know I generalised, and many women may feel differently, but I have learnt through speaking with many women, inherantly, it's what we most desire. And men need to know this. it's the whole package, isn't it?
It really is. And most of us at one time or another, for various reasons have felt unsafe. That could be from an angry person from the past who hurt us physically, or emotionally, or a horrible divorce, or a death from cancer. We all have a story. A man who can walk his talk, that you trust with your everything, and who exudes an air of everything is okay, he's got it taken care of, goes a long long way. For me, at least. |
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An insight? Women want confident, assertive men, who know who they are, what they want from life, and have the tenacity to get it. Does that equate a woman being a doormat? No. it means a man who can see his partner, appreciate her qualities, respect her, and still be solid in himself. We dont want men who are soft, in their convictions. That's why bad guys appear so attractive....whether we will admit it or not, we are so incapable of being attracted to men who appear emasculated... who are not solid in their unique maleness. We feel safe with men who are capable, and confident, we can trust they are who they project themselves to be...they walk their talk... they have the capacity for empathy, and compassion, and a sensitivity to their partner, but ultimately, can be relied upon to be supportive, or take charge. We are all capable of being independent, as usually quite competant people.... doesn't necessarily mean women wish to remain dominant within the relationship. For me, a dominant, confidant personality is attractive. I know this is a generalisation, however it fits the question asked, re; bad guys. Can't add anything to THAT! Except DON'T give up. I did. I had. DON'T!!! There's alot to be said about confidence. I totally agree with the confidence thing. But there are several factor that goes with that. Woman want a confident male. That's great. They should have that. Well we need a confident female. Unfortunatley many women out there have been cheated on and now they have insecurity issue. It's sad but true. I think people that are sincere are hestitate to leap in fear of the worst sometimes. It's not lack of confidence, it's what our life experiences have taught us. |
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An insight? Women want confident, assertive men, who know who they are, what they want from life, and have the tenacity to get it. Does that equate a woman being a doormat? No. it means a man who can see his partner, appreciate her qualities, respect her, and still be solid in himself. We dont want men who are soft, in their convictions. That's why bad guys appear so attractive....whether we will admit it or not, we are so incapable of being attracted to men who appear emasculated... who are not solid in their unique maleness. We feel safe with men who are capable, and confident, we can trust they are who they project themselves to be...they walk their talk... they have the capacity for empathy, and compassion, and a sensitivity to their partner, but ultimately, can be relied upon to be supportive, or take charge. We are all capable of being independent, as usually quite competant people.... doesn't necessarily mean women wish to remain dominant within the relationship. For me, a dominant, confidant personality is attractive. I know this is a generalisation, however it fits the question asked, re; bad guys. Can't add anything to THAT! Except DON'T give up. I did. I had. DON'T!!! There's alot to be said about confidence. I totally agree with the confidence thing. But there are several factor that goes with that. Woman want a confident male. That's great. They should have that. Well we need a confident female. Unfortunatley many women out there have been cheated on and now they have insecurity issue. It's sad but true. I think people that are sincere are hestitate to leap in fear of the worst sometimes. It's not lack of confidence, it's what our life experiences have taught us. it's reciprocal... to build trust, to demonstrate confidence, in one's self, and each other.... the heights of loyalty and faith are unfathomable! We all have a history, as Auburngirl so eloquently stated.... there are triggers...flags... that go up.... do you have the confidence in your self to see them, to bring them into the harsh light of day, and openly discuss them with your partner? That's what I mean by confidence... it is unwavering, when you can trust yourself, to be authentic. |
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True to that. But that goes both ways. Many people have past hurts. Divorce, death. Those naturally bring fear for the future and for trying this all again. It takes crossing paths with someone that earns your heart and vice versa, to be able to give up those fears, and love and be loved again.
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True to that. But that goes both ways. Many people have past hurts. Divorce, death. Those naturally bring fear for the future and for trying this all again. It takes crossing paths with someone that earns your heart and vice versa, to be able to give up those fears, and love and be loved again. Hahahaha!!! Are we sharing a mind at the moment? Well said.
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well put. confidence is a virtue lost by many, and if studied, "nice guys would not finnish last....be who you are, but be strong. it's okay to mess up,  just keep learning and it'll come naturally
Confidence in one's self, is about what one does if they mess up.... it's learning from the experience, growing from it, taking responsibility of one's own actions. That creates a stronger confidence in themselves... too many people take on board other's ideas of who they may be.... there is only you inside you... no one can take anything from you, that you are not willing to hand over.... including confidence in themselves. nicely said...aaagain!!!
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 Jess. Would that I could pick that brain of yours!
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Jess. Would that I could pick that brain of yours!
I notice at times, you have a much gentler eloquence in how you share you views... it appears we are differing, you are just so more capable of gentleness, than I... I enjoy reading your posts, and often chuckle, or nod....
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OP, you asked what makes us pick so badly? I'll answer that for me at least. Shear loneliness. My husband died when I was 35, he was 37. I was always extremely smart in my choices. Since, not so much. ONE guy I ever dated was worth the trouble. The rest lied, cheated or etc etc. Loneliness can make us do odd things. And we settle. I think that goes both ways. Men have past pains as often as women do. And fear the same things we do. I found I picked the lesser of evils available at various times, trying to make it what it wasn't, if that makes sense. NOT any more!
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Jess. Would that I could pick that brain of yours!
I notice at times, you have a much gentler eloquence in how you share you views... it appears we are differing, you are just so more capable of gentleness, than I... I enjoy reading your posts, and often chuckle, or nod....
That means a lot coming from you. Thank you. I do the same thing.
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For me.... I am attracted to bad guys, or the outward generalisation, of a bad guy.
It is the air of confidence.... and I mean the real and genuine air of confidence, not the 'fake it till you make it' version. Are they bad guys? Possibly in another's eyes. Not in mine.... some are misogynistic arseholes....some are cooly confident...it doesnt take long to discern the difference. And the apparent bad guy? A solid, safe, genuine joy to be with.
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Yes. The tattoos the earrings etc, all that says bad guy, but in truth, is the most gentle soul, that heals a heart and feeds a soul. It can be amazing.
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i wanna see jess n auburn make out.!!!!
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i wanna see jess n auburn make out.!!!!
you wish big fella!!!
More like watch us conspire what we may DO with you... 
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i wanna see jess n auburn make out.!!!!
You are a sick man, Randy! We aren't talking about EACH OTHER!!!!
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i wanna see jess n auburn make out.!!!!
you wish big fella!!!
More like watch us conspire what we may DO with you...
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i wanna see jess n auburn make out.!!!!
You are a sick man, Randy! We aren't talking about EACH OTHER!!!!
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is it me or does some of these responses make others also feel like an alien?
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is it me or does some of these responses make others also feel like an alien? it may seem like it at times, but it's not this intense all the time. we just help each other hone in on life, and it's ways, or puzzles if that's what they may be, and......welcome to mingle
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