I think if we have "walls" it's our obligation to bring them down...not our partner's. Yes, we try to protect ourselves, but not at the expense of someone who is trying to love us/you/me.

It is narcissistic to have walls and expect for someone to love you completely and wholey. We do a disservice to ourselves when we let our past relationships dictate how we will behave in the future.

Excellent point. In my own case, my husband died. My walls came from trying to decide if I was willing to date again, love again, be loved again, knowing that one day, I Might have to go thru that all again. That was very tough for me.

Be that as it may Montana, that can be easier to say than do. It's good to see you again, btw

Letting my guard down would allow for someone to jab me in the back with a garden trowel. Not gonna happen.

Okay so the consensus here is that it's due to past hurts or pains, and that we aren't going to allow it again. I hope I didn't misspeak. IF that is the case, then why are we all here???

bingo... we have a winner her folks.. give the lady her prize... best example I can give? me Letting things form your past rule who or how you are willing to love in the future is dumb dumb dumb.. Let the walls down , be brave take a chance. What have you got to lose anyway your virginity? lets hope not...

For me-Doors can be built in walls for the right people to pass...

(((Montana))) I think that you may not be wrong it makes sense but I must be narcissistic b/c I'm not going to bring my down unless I see someone deserves it...

Brain overload....warning....warning!

We're all here because, despite the walls and the fear and the wariness, hope springs eternal :)

I agree...and it takes time. But, AG, we are hurting ourselves more than anybody if we don't let stuff just...go. Thanks...good to see you! Nice topic.

I dunno... why are YOU here?

I'm working on bringing those walls down a little at a time. We'll see what happens.

I know that I have had walls up for a lone time because my heart was trampled and I was scared of letting it happen again until it could heal. I'm coming to learn that the only way you can heal is if you open yourself up to the pain and take a chance. Otherwise you just continue to suffocate your heart.

hmmm hmmm

It's the nature/nurture debate. We are all born to be certain people (biological aspects) and some of us are more likely to trust while others are not (like some were born with physical or mental disorders, problems, etc. and others were not). And nurture comes into play, the way we were taught to trust other people by those around us as we grew. Not only this, but environmental factors (such as friends, enemies, peers, co-workers, etc.) we encounter throughout our lives teach us if we should trust or not. Some people are born with mental illnesses that pull them back from trusting and then they encounter horrible people throughout their lives (maybe they are bullied as a child, physically abused by parents, beaten by their spouse, etc.) and so this too adds to not trusting people. Others are born stable mentally and physically and have a great family, great friends, maybe encounter a few betrayals but don't let those betrayals get to them, so they keep plowing away at trusting others. And yet others are born with severe physical problems that make them lean on others (trust) and sometimes their trust is broken by medical personnel or family members and they, too, don't know who to trust. What about those who are bounced from foster home to foster home and don't know where they belong? Who do they trust? I believe it comes from experiences and genetics. Everyone is different.

To play devil's advocate of course!!!

Well...true that! And you shouldn't! (((JOY!!)))) I'm referring to when you find a worthy and loving partner, it's time to let things go and let the relationship be what it is...rather than spending too much time filtering it through our past relationships and garbage. It's unfair to the other person. And...haven't you been on the other side too?

(((((Montana)))))!

Well then you are absolutely right... If we meet a special person and we know they are special and we know we can live with everything about them and still don't let them in, then we are far to broken and all the kings men won't put us together again...

Agree there Montana! For sure. When/if a worthy partner presents themselves, we can go with it or not, our choice. I always asked myself this question. I have two choices. Be alone the rest of my life (who expects to be widowed at age 35) because of what I Might have to go thru again, OR OR, take a chance on giving and receiving love. I choose the latter.