BATHROOMS:

Always accompany guests to the bathroom. It is not necessary to do
anything. Just sit and stare.

DOORS:

Do not allow any closed doors in any room. To get the door open, stand
on hind legs, and hammer with forepaws. Once the door is open, it is not
necessary to use it. After you have ordered an ‘outside’ door opened,
stand halfway in and out, and think about several things. This is
particularly important during cold weather, rain, snow, or mosquito
season.

CHAIRS AND RUGS:

If you have to throw up, get to a chair quickly. If you cannot manage in
time, get to an oriental rug. If there is no oriental rug, shag is good.
When throwing up on the carpet. When throwing up on the carpet, make
sure you back up, so it is as long as a humans bare foot.

HAMPERING:

If one of your humans is engaged in some activity, and the other is
idle, stay with the busy one. This is called ‘Helping’, otherwise known
as ‘Hampering’.
The rules for ‘Hampering are as follows:-

1 When supervising cooking, sit just behind the left heel of the cook.
You cannot be seen.
2.Thereby you stand a better chance of being stepped on, and then picked
up and comforted.

3.For book readers, get in close under the chin, between eyes and the
book, unless of course, you can lie across the book itself.

4.For paperwork, lie on the work in the most appropriate manner so as to
obscure as much of the work as possible, or at least the part currently
in progress. Pretend to doze, but every so often, reach out and slap the
pen or pencil.

5.For people paying bills or working on income taxes or Christmas cards,
keep in mind the aim: To Hamper! First, sit on the paper being worked
on. When dislodged, watch sadly from the side of the table. When
activity proceeds nicely, roll around on the papers, scattering them to
the best of your ability. After being removed for the second time, push
pencils, pens and erasers off the table, one at a time.

A)When a human is holding a newspaper in front of him/her, be sure to
jump on the back of the paper. Humans love to jump.

B)When human is working at the desk, walk across the keyboard, bat at
mouse pointer on the screen, and then lay in humans’ lap across arms,
hampering typing in progress.

WALKING:

As often as possible, dart quickly and as close as possible in front of
the human, especially on stairs, when they have something in their arms,
in the dark, and when they first get up in the morning. This will help
their coordination skills.

BEDTIME:

Always sleep on the human at night, so he/she cannot move around.

LITTER BOX:

When using the litter box, be sure to kick as much litter out of the box
as possible. Humans love the feel of kitty litter between their toes.

HIDING:

Every now and then, hide in a place where the humans cannot find you. Do
not come out for three to four hours under ANY circumstances. This will
cause the human to panic (which they love), thinking that you have run
away or are lost. Once you do come out, the human will smother you in
love and kisses, and you will probably receive a treat.

ONE LAST THOUGHT:

Whenever possible, get close to the human, especially their face, turn
around, and present their butt to them. Humans love this. So do it
often. And DON’T FORGET GUESTS.

That was great.

um the cats i had did not live by rules. they made them up as they went
along.

my cat wrote that book...

I love this, it's so true! :)

The book my Cats so Live by

I don't know where your cats came from, my has different rules

Yes my cat has this handbook.

Most cats I know follow those rules closely!!

My "Bootsie" loves the rule to lie across paperwork, books, newspapers.
To update this rule, they need to add "laptop" to the things cats will
lie across to get your attention.