Does it make you wonder if a man or woman is in his/her 40s and never been married?

No. I tend to give them the benefit of the doubt. The reason is Im in my 30s and never been married. Ive had several opportunities and decided against it. I also take into account that people in the late 30s early 40s age range are from that generation of divorce and a lot of us are gun shy so to speak. We saw first hand the implications of a failed marriage. Its not terribly unusual when you take into account some of these other factors that can already be in play.

true, my best friend is unmarried at 42 and she is a great girl. But honestly, I do wonder when I meet an older man who hasn't been married. I don't hold it against them but can't help wondering sometimes....

Oh I hear ya. Generally what pops into my mind with men is are they gay? I know thats not fair but I think there will always be a moment of doubt when you meet someone who has never been married. You are generally going to wonder why and that is not unreasonable.

What is worse though? A person who has been married and divorced or never married? I mean at least in your opinion?

nope...lots of people don't want or need to be married...i think it's much more disturbing when people deny their sexual orientation and get married to "fit in" or for whatever reason, then decide 10 or 20 yrs later to be who or what they were meant to be in the first place and devastate their families

My boyfriend is 45 and has never been married and doesn't have any children. He was engaged twice only to find them cheating on him when he went to work at night. He was in his words devastated.

I honestly tend to seek out the least amount of baggage that I can. Baggage being ex wives and children. However, the older you become, the more difficult that is. Many men in their 30s-40s are going to have ex wives and kids and sometimes its a bumpy ride from that perspective and the new girlfriend can often be viewed as the outsider or trying to take mom's place in some capacity.

So if you can find a man with no children in his 40s, thats actually kid of attractive in my opinion. Its one hurdle you dont have to jump at least.

I just wonder why they get all wierd with theyre pets.. overzealous.

uhm.... honestly no, but I'm biased.

Personally I've never been married. I'm afraid of the "wedding" thing myself. I've never met anyone willing to foresake the wedding. Always the "but my family would expect a wedding" would come up and that would freak me out. I can't walk down the aisle. I can't. I can do commitment just not the other thing.

I know plenty of people in their late 30s and 40s who've never been married. Maybe a lot of folks have opted into careers and other aspects of life more than the marriage and family thing? I am not sure, however I don't think it makes anyone dysfunctional.

I'm so biased.

I'd say they were smart!

makes me think he/she is either very picky,too business oriented or too strange to be with.

My concern would be that has that 30-40 something been alone so long that it would difficult to share their life fully with someone...yea, I guess I would look for a legitimate reason as to why they have avoided commitment.

Lucky bastards! No marriage, no divorce lawyers.

I hear ya. Its always assumed that every little girl on the planet cant wait for her wedding day and picking out the dress and yadayada. This may be true for some women but clearly this is not the case with all. Weddings just always struck me as being VERY stressful times.

You arent alone in that. Im sure you could find a man who would be okay with a smaller ceremony if his family has to come. You just set limits on it. Say, immediate family on both sides and thats it.

I personally dont feel I need a contract with the state to validate my love for another.

I understand your sentiments. Many weddings are very much a religious ceremony, if one is nonreligious, then there goes that aspect of marriage. If you truly love someone and they truly love you, then what is the point of the wedding/marriage. Finances are the only real reason left, but by their forties most independent people are in a well established career with their own insurance and benefits and if they have children those children will be covered by either parents insurance. Besides after living together for so long you are considered common law married anyway.

I would think it's different for each person. I'd try not to assume something was wrong with the person if they were in their 40s and not married. I'm 30 and have never been married and I've had people ask me why and think something was wrong with me.

Yes, I have to admit that it does make me stop and think. I feel like my 12-year marriage and three children helped make me the person I am today. I learned a LOT about being flexible, about compromising and about letting the little things go. Of the single, never-been-married guys that I have dated, I can see the difference. We are in different places. I know this does not apply to all bachelors, but the ones I have dated have just been very set in their ways and seem to have a difficult time really making room for someone else in their lives...particularly if that person has kids. It's a huge adjustment for them.

There are great never-been-married guys out there, I just haven't found one that worked for me. I think I'd prefer someone who has been through marriage and children before.

Coming from a person who is in his middle-late thirties, I can most assuredly say "not at all".

A large number of the "Generation-X" ilk grew up to turbulent, failed marriages that resulted in turbulent, failed divorces. Many became witnesses to one-parent households with revolving-door relationships while growing up.

So how could they NOT turn around and think that marriage was not for them? After all- you simply can't gain anything positive from constant negative reinforcement, right?

So no- it shouldn't be surprising at all for people in their 40's to be single and never married nowadays.

I am 34, I am also the only person in my family who has not been married, everyone else has been married at least twice! It seems to be more common to have re-married, than to have never been married.So I ask whats more peculiar?Breaking vows to others, repeatedly? or staying true to yourself?