The thread on commitment got me to wondering , what is the goal of a commited relationship . Marriage , someone to spend time with , or for some even a steady booty call .Can one or should one even enter a commited relationship without on some level thinking it will lead to something larger. If you dont are you really in a commited realtionship , or are you just mutually exclusive lovers ? Just wondering what everyone else thinks

i think it requires....communication....ekkkk
between both parties....

My idea of a committed relationship was something that would involve a sense of security and hopefully permanence -- not in the context of marriage, because I've already done that, and it was the worst experience of my life -- but in the sense of long-term, maybe even longer than long-term.

I don't think it has to lead to anything "larger" -- for me, there can't BE anything "larger"....

But the unfortunate reality is that everyone I've been with -- with one notable exception -- either bores me to tears after a few months, or decides she has to "domesticate" me after a few months. I can't seem to find anyone who combines intellect, creativity, and an ability to live and think outside the [tradition/domestication] box.

A commitment usually means there is something more to look forward to in your life.

My engagement is leading to my marriage.......our marriage is leading to a lifetime together.....and our lifetime together will be the best we can make it.

In my opinion, a booty call partner isn't really a relationship. (I learned that the hard way, I thought it was more, he just wanted someone willing to come over for fun).

Yes, a committed relationship, IMO, has to be one where you both feel it has long term potential. Otherwise, why bother? You are also basically stating that you are going to be with that person and that person only.

My views may be skewed on this though, because I only date people I feel there could be a long term potential anyhow, and don't date more than one person at a time ever.

I think the establishment of a committed relationship is the ultimate goal. Committment being a 'forever' sort of thing, how much more can there be? Creation of a family? perhaps. Marriage? That's a contract with God. Okay for some, perhaps not for others (hope I'm not stirring the pot with that one).

communication is good too. free and open. You don't have to understand everything, but ya gotta try. The attempt goes a long way.

WOW! You got almost a full paragraph out of everyone! Good Job dude!

Thank you so much for mentioning that! Everyone thinks I'm crazy for thinking the same thing. I feel slightly less nutty knowing that there's someone else who shares the same belief.

Commitment to me means having someone to spend quality time with. Someone who you can't wait to come home to and to hear their voice. Someone who you call when you have good and bad news because you know just speaking with them will make you feel better. It doesn't have to mean marriage at all but close to it. I am commited to my boyfriend and he is to me. When I am ill or feeling up beat I will call him up and get him to laughing or he get me laughing and changes the day around for me. That warm feeling you get when you catch a glimpse of them when they are in the kitchen fixing you a glass of tea that you didn't ask for but he knows you would like one. Simple things like that.

commitment with or without marriage is a journey not a destination.

the goal? seeing who can hold up their end of the bargain the longest.


. . .

Marriage isn't a word, it's a sentence.

I will be honest, I have been married 3 times. My first marriage ended when my husband fell in love with another woman and could not break it off with her to save our marriage. My second husband was killed 10 months after we married. My third husband and I will be divorced very soon because his behaviors put my daughter and I at risk. So - I do not ever see myself married again.

I do, however, find myself wanting to have a relationship with a man that will progress over time, continuously evolving into something more. Someone that I can have a connection with that is so deep that he knows me, inside and out, and loves me for me, as I do him. One that includes trust, love and dedication to each other.

It is a difficult time in my life as I have a 4 year old and our home is just that, our home. I can not see bringing someone in here to live with us, even though I trust him, because this is the chapter of our life that she and I share and I do not want to disrupt it.

I have 2 friends, one who has children that are grown and she maintains her apartment but spends weekends and holidays with her SO, citing that both are happy and will never get married. My other friend has a daughter that is 11 and she met someone 4 hours away. They maintain seperate homes but travel almost every other weekend back and forth. They have been married 2 years now.

At this stage in my life, I have to admit having someone that I date (exclusively) and build a relationship with that extends past the 4 walls of my home is what I am looking for. Committment to him without the legal bonds of marriage.

Wow - on paper this looks really, really bad...

Leave out marriage & kids & I have no problem with being in a commited relationship!

Exactly. There's a scenario I could work with....!

You are welcome. Believe me, it's not just us. I know others the same way. Although it's definitely not the norm.

i do it too. but i'm not above having a physical fling with someone i feel doesn't have LTR potential.


. . .

being mutually exclusive lovers is in its own way a commitment LOL

and i think the point of being in a committed relationship (or the goal) is to find someone to spend the rest of your life with, happily and at peace.

how you get that is a whole other thread.

Being committed means dedicating your love and your energy to something or someone. Not all committments have to be life-long or lead to marriage. I'm in no hurry to remarry, but I could be in a committed relationship for the short-term. We could commit to a monogamous relationship for a year or two and see where it leads. It doesn't have to lead to marriage or even moving in together. I may never trust anyone enough to marry again. But I can love deeply and passionately. I don't feel that the length of the committment is any indication of the depth of the committment.