So I have this lady friend. She broke up with her man a few months ago. It was apparently a rough breakup and led her to check herself into a treatment center. A couple months later she still says she loves him.

We had a long conversation by text message the other night. Eventually I asked her what she's so in love with him for. She sent me a message back saying: companionship, good times, and good sex. I sent her a message back saying those are B.S. reasons to still be torn up over somebody. She could find those things anywhere else. I told here he was a typical man using her for a piece of a$$ and a free ride. And another saying she was very lucky to know a single guy like me who doesn't have it in him to treat women like that.

So from there I thought I had her convinced that her last man was a piece of sh!t and that her feelings for him should be no more. I told here if she was looking for someone genuine, she could find it in me. So we kinda sort of hooked up via text message. I know that's kinda lame but anyway... We made plans to talk and go to the pool the next day.

I get a message about an hour later saying something like, "I'm so sorry. I just can't. I got things to think about. I'll talk to you tomorrow."

I replied, "Ooooo...K. I give up." Keep in mind that I've been talking to her for weeks trying to get her over this guy. We have been flirting back and forth this whole time too. But she's still not completely over him. I thought after our conversation the other night that I had gotten her over him, but apparently not.

I haven't heard from her since I sent her that last message. Not "Sorry for not showing up" or "How you doing?" or anything. I know "I give up" may sound kinda harsh, but I didn't mean it as "I give up completely and never wanna talk to you again." I just meant I give up on trying to get her over this other guy. If she wants to make a serious effort, then I'm open to it.

So I'm wondering should I abandon all the flirting and talking we've done these past few weeks and move on? Or should I keep trying to score this woman I really do like? Would it be worth my while? Or would it be a waste of my time and possibly be getting myself into nothing but a troubled relationship? Should I let her know I haven't given up the idea that I can make her forget about this other guy? Or should I let her deal with it herself?

I dunno. Women are crazy. How do you think I should handle this from here?

Much appreciated

EZ

Well these things take time, and some women just find it hard to move on, are you sure she really digs you? Maybe she doesn't...not putting you down or anything, but you know, the spark has to be there...

first of all... YOU cant get her over him, she needs to do that in her own time and her own way. By you TELLING her what she should do and how she should feel is quite belittling and degrading( im sure not meant that way) but I lived it. I know how it feels to be TOLD these things

Let her do this her own way in her own time and you will mean much more to her for it

Yeah, and all that too

You partly answered your own question. You also said she had no reason to be torn over him for the physical nature of their relationship but you yourself are all worked up over this girl in wich you havent even met. You seem like a very nice guy and i beleive you should walk away and forget the drama Queen because she still has a fire burning for numbskull. You would do yourself a favor by finding someone equaly minded and spiritualy compatible.Just my 2 cents on it but do what you think is right and not what you desire at the momment of making the decision.Peace

I never told her anything she SHOULD do. I believe she is an independent person who is capable of making these decisions. I simply made it clear that this other guy was no better than anybody else out there, and that there is NO REASON SHE SHOULD be obsessed with him. And that there are plenty of other guys out there that COULD give her the companionship, love, and good sex she's looking for. I didn't even specify myself as the only one.

I HAVE met her. She's been a good personal friend of mine for a couple yers now. We hung out all the time and always had good times together.

Ok... so you in your own words..."I simply made it clear that this other guy was no better than anybody else out there, and that there is NO REASON SHE SHOULD be obsessed with him."
is totally degrading her and her capabilities to make decisions. You are telling her she has no reason to feel the way she does. you dont think thats belittling or degrading to her?

I think if she was totally capable of making this decision, she wouldn't be in treatment over this breakup. Granted she checked herself into this clinic, but is still seeking advice from complete strangers on how to get over it.

Not true and so unfair of you to say. If you respect her at all.. Really think about it. Your doing more harm than good

I think u should just move on.She sounds like no way is she ready for anyone else right now.She needs to give herself time to heal.She will just move on in her own way and own time.Sometimes after a breakup we woman just want to be by ourselves and friends.After all she can tell her friends more about how she is really feeling then some guy she has never met before.
Good luck to u

Like I said 5 posts ago, we HAVE met and hung out plenty and get along great.

sounds borderline stalkerish to me

How so?

she seems otherwise occupied yet you are pushing and cajoling to change her mind and be with you

All I did was tell her about this guy and how typical guys operate. I never told her o will tell her anything she doesn't ask for. I have given her no 'advice'. That is what the treatment is for. Towards the end of our conversation, she tells me I am "soooooo right" about this guy and guys in general. It was not only my idea that we hook up. It was not my intention at all. It just happened...for an hour. Then I get this message saying she can't do it.

I'm absolutely sure she has all kinds of racing thoughts in her head. I made it clear that I understood that there was a posibility she would continue to have some of these thoughts. She said her feelings and love for this other guy were gone. I know some thoughts of him are going to stick around for a while and am willing to work around that. I know exactly what she has to think about when she says she has some stuff to think about, though some of it sounds completely illogical to me.

What I don't understand is why she would tell me that she would tell me that I was right, and that she loves me, and that she likes the idea of getting together...and then an hour later tells me she can't do this. And I don't understand or know if I should keep trying for a dear friend that I love and care deeply for, or whether she is worth the time, feelings and energy...or whether I should just abandon the effort.

No, I haven't contacted her or even tried since the "I give up" message.

She is always the first to message me in the evenings.

I in no way put any pressure on her to start dating me. I simply said that I know where she can find the love, care and companionship she is looking for. She took it from there with the flirting and hinting that she wanted to be with me and thinks of me at night.

I just go with the flow.

What I don't understand is why she would tell me that she would tell me that I was right, and that she loves me, and that she likes the idea of getting together

she told you what you wanted to hear to shut u up because she didnt want to hear you any more. You obviously dont see it as this, but i surely do.. CONTROL you have a need for it and deny it

she has to decide for herself no input from you will alter that .Maybe make it worse even. Then at the last thing you text is "I give up" yeah you explained that.. but thats the point....you know you should just give it up. Its best for her right now .NOT YOU IMO.

Whatever. Telling someone you love them and want to start building a relationship ain't the best way to shut them up. And it damn sure ain't the way to get somebody to not talk to you anymore if you don't wanna hear from them. Like I said, I simply go with the flow. I have no desire for control of anything here. I'm just along for the ride. All I am asing you guys is should I get off. I already know what you're going to say, so no need to say it.