If I can get my jumbled thoughts together enough , maybe I can make some sense of what I wish to say.







At times life can snowball on you! It throws obstacles in your way right and left. It seems at these times the darts come from all sides. Thus it has been in my life for a few weeks now.







Sitting on my porch , March 22nd, I saw Toshia running down the sidewalk, with tears streaming down her face. Before she ever reach my daughters and I on the porch , I told them that Heather's body had been found, and it wasn't good, When she got to us she told us the police had called and told her a body had been found , with Heather;s clothes by the Arkansas river near Mulberry. Her dad Paul, was in the SRMC in ICU in critical condition. We could only hold her in our arms and pray for strength!



As the days went by , we tried to gather courage and strength and be there for Toshia. Yet fighting the fact that someone we loved and cherished, had been discarded in such a hateful ill manner. Her body to be thrown , pushed or how ever the hell this person did it, into that cold dark water as if she mattered not at all. I have fought the mental image of what happened in the weeks we wondered where she was , Knowing there was no way in hell she would not be there for her children for the holidays if she had a choice. WE now know she did not!



When i got the call in November she was missing , an empty feeling engulfed me . Then the call came On March 31st that Paul had passed. Compounded grief now we faced.



Not to many months prior to this Toshia lost her grandmother.(Paul's mother).



Now came the task of telling her sons Mother would never come home. I watched as her seven year old son lay face down in the floor weeping his heart out, because you see the mother he loved was forever gone to him. We someway have to find a way to live without her in our lives. We have to find a way to let them know the love she had for them . That it was not her choice to leave./







My heart is filled with such anger to know she was treated with such disrespect and disgrace. NO ONE deserves to be treated this way! NO ONE> How could you? I want to ask this person who killed her and then threw her away as if her life was of no value what so ever. I have always been a person of faith. I believe there is a GOD and he is in control but lord help me this I do not understand! How could this happen? How can someone be this depraved to do this.







I could say so much more , but how can I who does not even want to speak of the horror this precious person to us went thru. How could someone be so heartless to do this to her?



I see her sister , who has lost weight , and looks drawn and pale from the agony. The children their little faces red from crying.....I just damn well do not understand?







I have been taught to love my enemy , do good to those who dis-spitefully use you, for me that is hard to do today! I don't know how ? I really don't know how?.........................................