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| Topic: When the ex wants you back... | |
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I admire your strength to know it won't be the right thing. Especially when there are kids involved, you don't want to make a decision like that lightly. It probably took them time to get used to the "new" situation. 2 years into it and mine are finally ok with the fact that Dad and Mom will never be together again. My oldest ( 11 ) remembers us as a family the most and I know he has scars. But it would hurt him more for it to happen again. Absolutely, that's why I would never do it again as well. Too risky. |
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It's my experience, that when you break up with someone, and then you're all alone...you start to remember all the great things you loved about them but you don't remember any of the bad. So..you go back to them and then after a few days you're like "oh yeah, this is why we broke up!" The 2nd time (or 3rd time) around NEVER works. Move on. So true, |
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Run, run verrrryyy fast.
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Usually if it didn't work out once ....the odds are against it working out a second time but there have been some exceptions to the rule.
I guess it depends on what you are willing to put up with and how bad it was originally. These questions need to be answered before an attempt for sure. |
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my ex wanted the divorce and for a long time I knew that if he snapped his fingers I'd go running back. As time has gone by though, I have started to create a new life based on how I want to live and not how someone else thinks I should. I kind of like not having to answer to anyone else.
So, though it would be very hard, I would have to tell him no. I can't go back to living life the way it was. |
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Leave the past in the past...
Just because someone is familiar, doesn't mean that person is for you... It will remain awkward due to the children, but an ex is an ex for a lot of reasons. The question is can you forgive and forget the reasons for not being with this person any longer? |
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My ex always wanted to get back together with me when things weren't going great in his life....
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For me, I can put up with alot But not betrayal.
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I'm going through the same thing right now. He oesn't seem to get that it is over, and its been almost 3 years now. It is a little easier for me since there is distance but i don't talk to him either unless i need to. I am proud of you that have kept things civil though. the kids don't need to be hurt any more than they already have. You've done good!
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I'm going through the same thing right now. He oesn't seem to get that it is over, and its been almost 3 years now. It is a little easier for me since there is distance but i don't talk to him either unless i need to. I am proud of you that have kept things civil though. the kids don't need to be hurt any more than they already have. You've done good! Thank you. My family and friends tell me I should be proud. I just look at it as doing what you gotta do. |
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Good for you man. My ex has told friends that she wants to come back, but knows better than to ask me. I made it clear that we could never be togather, there is no next time. She asked for the divorce, not me. When she first left I wanted her back, but one day it was like a light went off in my head and I said you know what I am a better person with out her now. One of the main resons I wont let her back into my life is because of the kids. They live with me and if I let her come back what happens to them if she gets another wild hair up her butt and leaves for the 2nd time. The kids could not handle that. I belive that you did the right thing. It is wierd between us to right now and more than likely will be for awhile.
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I recently had a conversation with my ex that I never thought I'd have. She asked if we could try again. Now, I'm a firm believer in the fact that it takes two to make a relationship as well as break it, so I have always taken my share of fault in our breakup. The way she went about it was ( let's say ) less than admirable. She brought up the fact that the kids would want it. She brought up the idea of an easier financial situation for both of us and she actually used the term, " The grass isn't always greener...". I turned her down. I told her that I'm fine with who I am and I can't go back to where we were. She was visibly hurt by this, but said O.K. with dignity. I also let her know that we've actually been civil to each other this way. Now when the phone rings and I see it's her, I hand the phone to one of the kids instead of just answering like before. It just feels wierd. I'm not looking for advice. I know what I want. I just want some reaction or similar stories. ( Just for those who don't know me, I've had my sons for 5 to 6 days a week for the last 4 years. So I'm not just living a swingers life. ) Chances are that once you've broken up with someone, the ship has sailed. It just ain't worth going back together as the same issues will invariably come back into play. And that will eventually mean another (probably more heated) break up. |
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i dont know about most people but we actually tried very hard working on our relationship the last two years we both just changed to much so there is no sence in going back when you have already tried fixing the problems and it didnt work the first time
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it's like your damned if ya do and your damned if ya don't
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Chances are that once you've broken up with someone, the ship has sailed. It just ain't worth going back together as the same issues will invariably come back into play. And that will eventually mean another (probably more heated) break up. I gotta' agree! |
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Glenn, you know your heart.
If love isn't there; marriage shouldn't be either. |
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Edited by
tomohawk
on
Thu 02/19/09 12:59 PM
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Glenn you sound like your doin ok without her.If you take her back and then things don't work out your gonna open yourself and your sons right up for hurt again.Your choice but i would leave things as they are.All the best whatever you decide
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My mind is made up with no question. I just threw thr subject out there 'cause I'm sure I'm not the only one here who's had this experience.
I appreciate all the kind words and support. |
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"he asked if we could try again" Hell Yeah.............. once he digs my dead infested maggot eaten body from my grave!!!!!  |
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Dude, you did right. My kids are a little older, 15&17 they understand why we got the divorce. At they seem to be doing well. Yeah it would be better for each of us financially to get back together, but it just ain't there anymore.
Divorce is expensive, because its worth it. |
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