I like Kyle's version of dealing with ineptness.....

it must be sooooo tempting to sign your name with a flourish....

Chevy

Soooooo life is fun again. My boss is running me back empty. Last nite in porter indiana I had a big bowl of green chili for dinner. And a couple of pickled eggs for breakfast. And I just ate 2 johnsonville bratwurst completely smothered in hot mustard and sauer kraut. Knowing this deadly combination well by 8 o'clock tonite I should have death farts. Those wonderful fragrant flattulance that most resemble a rotting corpse. Hmmmmm what to do with them. Oh I know. My bosses office. The linger should be sweet by morning. "My God! Who sh!t in my office"! 17 years buddy. Fart and smell it. Shawshank!

You know i love your death farts biker!

I'll pay you 10 bucks a jar.

followed by a distinctive ... ahhhhhhhhhh that feels better

Sorry dan my freind. These are bad. People vomit. We are still trying to cope with the brian incident where I farted one of these into one of those coffee can sized top tobacco containers as a joke to brian. Police, fire rescue, and government hazardous materials teams were brought in. Mel gibson calls me "Lethal Weapon 7".

Colorectal explosion of flavor!!! And you will see colors if you get a whiff!

Alrighty then .. it appears my mystery meat , baked taters , and beans ,washed down with beers, IS acallin my name , so ..into the GREY ,OVERCAST eve I wander
Post up later folks
Biker .. remember to leave the office door CLOSED when you're done

Come on Biker! Just ONE jar, PLEASE! My girlfriend caught me with a nasty dutch oven the other day and i really need to get her back. My farts are just not cutting the mustard these dyas.

Yeah diary, knowing I'm leaving a job I despise is now fun. I can't shawshank my boss until I'm gone but I can yank his chain. Think about it. The first thing you want to do is con and scheme as many things as you can from him as in favors, paybacks, and items owed and promised to you. I have a safety bonus due me and I intend to use it as leverage. Oh and everthing I do will be with a smile on my face.

...yes TTO, your wish is my command.

Even though they contain well dan I just can't do it. Its wrong. Brian made me fart a death fart in a mason jar once to see how long it would stay fragrant. One week later brian was in his auto garage with freinds who were getting rambunctious and a little out of hand. Brian opened the jar on them and sadly used my colon squeezings as a weapon. It was just wrong and mean. You see I don't normally have death farts. Only when I eat and consume just the right mix of foods. Green chili, onions, pickled cabbage, eggs, and pork sausage. Peanut butter and/or cheap beer make them worse. Like a rotting corpse rolled in charcoal. Colon check found all was well.

It might be wrong but they smell oh so right!

Everybody has a price. Just name your price. Money is no object when it comes to your arse honey.

I am immune to them myself, they just get me really high. They leave me with a hangover the next morning, but its well worth it.

Brian and I were coming back from new york once and in keeping each other awake on the journey got on the subject and he wanted to test my theory of people eating the same diet. So we stopped in indiana- both ate green chili. Stopped in chicago and ate pickled eggs. And stopped in milwaukee and ate bratwurst covered in pickled cabbage. By the time we got back to minneapolis brian had his children convulsing and vomiting and put his wife in the hospital. Sad but true. He thought it was funny, but somehow I felt I had just handed a 3 year old a loaded gun to play with. Know what I mean?

Dear diary........I smell english people and death farts!!!

Dear diary.......I often wonder if vegetarians dream about meat......




And then I wonder why Im wondering about vegetarians dreaming about meat.....

So amongst all the death farts, i still smell like PEOPLE!

How many people?!

You smell like 45 people....wearing purple shirts!!!

You have the anarchists cookbook dan. Eat those things in order- normal portions. Your girlfreind will never be the same again. I'm hold harmless and release myself from all liabilities therein.