your pudding should not smell like cucumbers
I always put my shoes in the same place then I can find them again I'm like that with the remote to

theres a place for everything and everything in its place

I used to be like that.........my job made me crazy.......and now I cant find my shoes!!!

my kids scatter everything

There is just something UNNATURAL about a lady not being able to find her shoes.



Is it a full moon?

its a half moon

I better not be!!!

first quarter today.........full moon feb 9

SIPPING

VODKA


A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.

After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.

The monsignor replied, 'When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip.'

So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice.

At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink.

He proceeded to talk up a storm.

Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on the door:

1) Sip the vodka, don't gulp.

2) There are 10 commandments, not 12.

3) There are 12 disciples, not 10.

4) Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.

5) Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.

6) We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.

7) The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Big Daddy, Junior and the spook.

8) David slew Goliath; he did not kick the **** out of him.

9) When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.

10)We do not refer to the cross as the 'Big T.'

11)When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, 'Take this and eat it for it is my body.' He did not say 'Eat me'.

12)The Virgin Mary is not called 'Mary with the Cherry'..

13)The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, Yeah God.

14)Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.

dear diary.......do you think its rude of me to ask someone if their teeth are real???

chevy and catch!

um...........I dont know ? some people may get offended some might take it as a compliment I would say it would depend on the person you where asking

Gypsy

Purple

Chevy

Catch

oh sure!!! It starts to snow NOW?!!!!

yes, my teeth are real fake !

(((catch)))
(((purple)))
(((gypsy)))

I havent seen you smile yet!!!