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| Topic: If You Got Re-Married Or..... | |
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An open heart,to be willing to love the child as their own. An understanding that the 'bio-parent' may have limits, ideals,and considerations that may have to respected above their own. A willingness to risk that the child may never love them like a child/parent relationship. To understand, that this probably is going to be a very different ride than what you thought it was going to be. 
That's all true, M. Michiganman.
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i dont think its settling and I dont expect someone to settle for me. nor do I expect someone to love my children as I do..but i do expect them to GROW to love them. and to respect my children as the little people they are.
that being said..I will not date a person without kids. I do not feel the need for my children to take part in a man that doesnot firsthand understand what its like to be a parent. and nobody is perfect. some first marriages arent exactly built on strong foundations. (obviously) and more than likely after going through something like a failed marriage...it does truly open a persons eyes on what they want/need in their own lives. |
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Married for the first time.... What qualities/characteristics would be important to you as a step-parent/parent for your child/children? Must like children. Had to have a healthy childhood,(or at least not be resentful toward parents). Loving Caring Compassionate Thoughtful Not afraid to show authority. Children need a parent to be a parent, not a friend. A sense of humor The ability to listen. Children ALWAYS need to be heard. Tolerant Honest No criminal history No drug or alcohol abuse Not addicted to sex. Porn is a big NO-NO! Patience Non-abusive past. Can't have anyone beating me or my children. So many more qualities, but these are most important. Heart, These are excellent points. Very well put. 
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Must be able to balance being a parent with being a spouse. Time together is as important as time with the kids. Also doesn't let the kid/s play one off against the other. I think that one's hard to do - balancing. I think as long as boundaries are established and maintained, anything is possible. Like anything worthwhile, you get out what you put into it. I think it helps to make dates with one another. Sometimes people forget to do that in the hustle and bustle of daily living. |
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Joe, I think HeartSoul raised some good points. I agree. Those are traits i would look for in any future relationship. All we have to do now is find a "perfect" person and clone them! My idea so i get the original!
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He would have to love and take care of my kids as if they were his and expect the same from me if he had any children. I would have the love to give to his children. |
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Must be able to balance being a parent with being a spouse. Time together is as important as time with the kids. Also doesn't let the kid/s play one off against the other. I think that one's hard to do - balancing. Yet that is what makes the relationship work.
Yes, it is and it's work. lol |
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i think balanace is extremly important...i believe that is one of the major reasons relationships do fail. between work and kids and friends and making time for oneself....a persons 'better half' is often left out of the equation. being able to juggle is also an important thing to look for.,...especially if you are with someone that already has kids of their own. I had forgotten how important balance was until I started reading these posts. |
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Joe, I think HeartSoul raised some good points. Selflessness covers the greater majority of the points. That's all I'm saying. It seemed more like the same thing over and over expressed in different ways rather than individual characteristics. |
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i think balanace is extremly important...i believe that is one of the major reasons relationships do fail. between work and kids and friends and making time for oneself....a persons 'better half' is often left out of the equation. being able to juggle is also an important thing to look for.,...especially if you are with someone that already has kids of their own. I had forgotten how important balance was until I started reading these posts. I have balance. It's a light on my washing machine. |
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What all of you have posted looking in a person, when taking your kids into account makes sense. It's the same qualities our ideal person would have even if kids weren't in the picture. Now time to take the "shades" off some of you happy parents. The person that chooses to be with you, is settling. Don't jump the gun and call the hounds on me till you read my explanation. In a relationship there is such a thing as a compromise and settling. Having childern with someone else, then expecting another person to love them as you love them isn't a compromise. You have made choices in your life for you ( and whoever you were with at the time), not for the person who now enters the picture. They had no say in those choices and yet now you "expect" them to conform to that life style. That is settling. Is settling bad? not really if the person you chose to do it with is worth the world to you. My whole point of this post is so that you proud parents understand the "flip-side" of what this person will be going through. While you speak of compassion and understanding, make sure you have penlty to give back to this person as well. Thank you for the reminder. I don't think of it as settling, btw. If I marry someone with children, I feel like there are more people to love. |
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Edited by
breathless1
on
Fri 01/30/09 12:29 AM
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I could go on for pages here, but in short:
she must and I mean M.U.S.T. be emotionally & mentally stable! I draw the line at having some baggage toting, whiney, OCD, pill popping, psycho drama queen raise my children. I'm picky like that... 
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Sorry, you lost me to fits of tearful laughter after reading the title. What was the question?
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structured
gentle yet firm kind and caring loving protective loyal brave reliable available physically and emotionally able to support himself and treat the family once in a while financially responsible liking to spend most of his time with family when not working good self-esteem |
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[Honesty, patience, understanding, compassion, sense of humor, a willingness to be a kid (play with them), be an adult - not their friend, and share the responsibilities. With these there shouldn't be a problem of a criminal record or substance abuse problem. They would be an adult. Good points. |
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Edited by
Winx
on
Fri 01/30/09 05:35 AM
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Good question. Someone that doesn't have a criminal history. No past drug/alcohol abuse. Someone that has a great sense of humor, patience, etc. I wouldn't settle for just any kind of man around my kid. Thanks, Hellkitten. 
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Edited by
TheOnceGreat
on
Fri 01/30/09 05:28 AM
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About a year after my wife died, leaving me with our 2 girls, 9 and 7, I met a woman with 2 girls of her own, they were 5 and 3. We really hit it off and were married. The one thing that we stressed to make the family work, was that we would treat ALL the girls as if they were our own. I am Dad to all 4, she is Mom to all 4. The girls are all grown now, we have 4 granchildren. Funny, once the last of the girls moved out, our marriage started to suffer, now she is in MA and I'm here in AZ. But the girls are happy, doing well and I count myself as extremly lucky to have found the right woman at the right time.
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First of all, it's gonna have to take one hell of a man to convince me to marry again. He has to like kids and all the chaos that comes with them. Loud noise and chaos reigns in my house. I have 2 boys 10 and 3. There is no such thing as peace and quiet unless they're gone. LOL Gotta like doin stuff outdoors fishin, muddin, etc. We tend to stay outdoors gettin dirty when the weather is nice, so no metrosexuals for us. Gotta like to eat, so no fitness freaks either. I'll take a good ole redneck country man!
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she would have to like adult kids
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Marriage
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