{{{{{judy}}}}} We have talked about this in depth and sympathize with your pain, but please keep this in mind, he will always be in your heart and you will always be in his. He won't always feel like this, once his training is done, maybe he will "find" you again. And when you do, it will be better than it was before.

I love you and I feel for you, but you know I am here for you if you need me.

***blows kazoo***

Devotion and commitment to achieve extraordinary goals/callings seem to be linking kindred spirits, in you (Fade) and this admirable gent.
Is that viking blood in your heritage?

You know that I can kiss ass when it suits my purpose, but I'm being sincere here.

If I were to return to the higher calling role, and devote myself to absolute achievement of duty, I would live the life of "Those who can, do; those who wish, won't."
That's just the way it is.
But women whose hearts adore such heroes choose royal ghosts for their desires. Even the best of ordinary men cannot fight ghosts to capture love in such women's hearts, always competing with the Ghost In Mrs. Muir.
It could become barrier between yourself and all men who would seek your love, forestalling them from having hope. There is cleanness of heart in not knowing that you are unattainable; but such men will now have to say, "I will prove to you that blessing from on high; that your best destiny is to be found by this love which is better than the one that got away."
I think that this complexity is a good thing, for the faint of heart never win the fairest maidens; nor should they. I pray only the best for you. Assuredly, now, only the best will suffice.

Yes honey, but not forever...I feel tht to the depths of my being.....Let him go and do what he needs to and then he will come looking and you can tell him then.....that you have always been his silent prayer warrior and soulmate even if it took him this long to figure things out....In the long run God will have the last say....

that is the biggest complaint i have about internet relationships, be they friends and or romantic interests: the ability to not be found.

regardless of the fact that is 'just the internet' i find that feelings do, or can, grow online, even without meeting.

when someone goes awol, and leaves no way of contacting them, i find myself wondering and worrying about them.

that's probably the biggest reason why i no longer allow myself to become vulnerable and make friends.

hugs judy

I guess that is why you ignore me, huh?

Anyhow, on the original topic, to be perfectly honest, and speaking just for me... when i fall for someone, I get goofy and tongue tied... when I make statements about our "souls meeting", I am trying to get in your pants.

Sittin Out here on the hood of this truck looking up
at a caramel colored sunset sky
checkin my watch doin the math in my head
counting back words to when you said goodbye
well those runway lights are gettin brighter

Im just sittin' out here watching airplanes
take off and fly
tryin to figure out which one you might be on
and why you dont love me anymore
right now im sittin' out here watching airplanes

I would've lied could've cried should've tried harder
done anything to make you stay
i wonder what you'd do if you looked out your window
saw me runnin down the runway just like i was crazy
that fence is too high so am i

so I'm just sittin' out here watching airplanes
take off and fly
tryin to figure out which one you might be on
and why you don't love me anymore
by now i know you're thirty thousand feet above me
but a million miles away, a million miles away
by now i know i outta act like you don't love me

but im just sittin' out here watching airplanes
take off and fly
im just sittin' out here watching airplanes
take off and fly
tryin to figure out which one you might be on
and why you don't love me anymore

yeah im just sittin' out here watching airplanes
go by, by, by
im just sittin' out here watching airplanes
baby bye, bye, bye

His eyes are cold and restless
His wounds have almost healed
And she'd give half of Texas
Just to change the way he feels
She knows his love's in Tulsa
And she knows he's gonna go
Well it ain't no woman flesh and blood
It's that damned old rodeo

Well it's bulls and blood
It's dust and mud
It's the roar of a Sunday crowd
It's the white in his knuckles
The gold in the buckle
He'll win the next go 'round
It's boots and chaps
It's cowboy hats
It's spurs and latigo
It's the ropes and the reins
And the joy and the pain
And they call the thing rodeo

She does her best to hold him
When his love comes to call
But his need for it controls him
And her back's against the wall
And it's So long girl I'll see you
When it's time for him to go
You know the woman wants her cowboy
Like he wants his rodeo

Well it's bulls and blood
It's dust and mud
It's the roar of a Sunday crowd
It's the white in his knuckles
The gold in the buckle
He'll win the next go 'round
It's boots and chaps
It's cowboy hats
It's spurs and latigo
It's the ropes and the reins
And the joy and the pain
And they call the thing rodeo
It'll drive a cowboy crazy
It'll drive the man insane
And he'll sell off everything he owns
Just to pay to play her game
And a broken home and some broken bones
Is all he'll have to show
For all the years that he spent chasin'
This dream they call rodeo

Well it's bulls and blood
It's dust and mud
It's the roar of a Sunday crowd
It's the white in his knuckles
The gold in the buckle
He'll win the next go 'round
It's boots and chaps
It's cowboy hats
It's spurs and latigo
It's the ropes and the reins
And the joy and the pain
And they call the thing rodeo

It's the broncs and the blood
It's the steers and the mud
And they call the thing rodeo

Judy time does heal I know

Aww thanks Merle, it's a lot more than what we talked about but it's good I know all that. It helped me find a kind of simulated closure that I pray to God won't be needed for ever.

I love you and Tom. Week from tomorrow.





Debbie I hold onto that hope deep in the recesses of this bleeding heart ..

How true my sweet friend. Altho, I could actually hunt him down at Fort Carson. Not doing that.

He needs his space, he'll have his space. I have to honor his request.

No matter how much it hurts me .. It will be seen be me as my giving back to a military I love so much. Yes that is what I'll see it as.







ps .. glad I became your friend before this decision on your part

I see not one hint of brown in this Scoundrel. I do appreciate very much what you have said. To be truthful, this heroic stance he has taken has warmed my blood and taken stars from our country's flag and put them in my eyes,. for him.

I have a hard time being pressed to really admire a man. I don't dislike them at all, just not usually 'impressed'. But this one, this true ((((((((( Braveheart ))))))))) that I have met is what I seek.

You are right. Men will be hard pressed to line up to this love of mine. But they need not try. I am forever sold. It's all about what's here inside my heart.

I assume you are talking to my friend Lisa and not me ..



And yes, that said .. I am sure you and he are very different. That's ok. To each his own.

Just for the record: the 'soulmate' was said on the way out the 'messenger door' .. not on the way into my pants ..

Thanks catwoman for the songs .. and Tina for the encouragement.

I so appreciate each of you and your attempts to ease my pain.

It's funny how many times on line someone gets hurt, and they deactivate .. cutting themselves off from many possibilities of healing.

As I said I've never shared something deep on here or any other site as I am a reserved private person about my personal business and especially matters of the heart. But this .. this took it's toll.

The pain was so intense, the wind so knocked out of me, I had to be put on oxygen.



You all have been my oxygen. Not just a tube an entire tent. I love you all

I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories

Remember the good times that we had?
I let them slip away from us when things got bad
How clearly I first saw you smilin' in the sun
Wanna feel your warmth upon me, I wanna be the one

I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories

I'm so tired but I can't sleep
Standin' on the edge of something much too deep
It's funny how we feel so much but we cannot say a word
We are screaming inside, but we can't be heard

But I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories

I'm so afraid to love you, but more afraid to loose
Clinging to a past that doesn't let me choose
Once there was a darkness, deep and endless night
You gave me everything you had, oh you gave me light

And I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories

And I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
Weep not for the memories

one herat will be added

Thanks sweetie

I know you do honey......and with time the pain will ease and then we will just be prayer warriors for him.....and you hold onto the fact that he does LOVE YOU...and you know that.

Yes actually I do.

(((Judy)))

I wish I could just give you a in person hug, but alas no. I have no words, just know we are all here for you.

Peace