17. "I finished the Oreos."
16. "Not to imply anything, but I don't think the kid weighs 40 pounds."
15. "Y'know, looking at her, you'd never guess that Pamela Lee had a
baby..!!"
14. "I sure hope your thighs aren't gonna stay that flabby forever!"
13. "Well, couldn't they induce labor? The 25th is the Super Bowl!"
12. "Darned if you ain't about five pounds away from a surprise visit
from that Richard Simmons fella."
11. "Fred at the office passed a stone the size of a pea. Boy, that's
gotta hurt."
10. "Whoa! For a minute there, I thought I woke up next to Willard
Scott!"
9. "I'm jealous! Why can't men experience the joy of childbirth?"
8. "Are your ankles supposed to look like that?"
7. "Get your *own* ice cream."
6. "Geez, you're awfully puffy looking today."
5. "Got milk?"
4. "Maybe we should name the baby after my secretary, Tawney."
3. "Man! That rose tattoo on your hip is the size of Madagascar!"
2. "Retaining water? Yeah, like the Hoover Dam retains water..."

And the Number 1 Fatal Thing To Say If Your Wife Is Pregnant:


1. "You don't have the guts to pull that trigger.

Want to go shopping for new cloths.

have a banana.

THE WORST THING TO SAY TO A PREGNANT WOMAN IS.....'NO'
I REMEMBER WHEN I WAS PREGNANT WITH MY YOUNGEST SON,I CRAVED THESE
BURGERS THAT WHERE 8 INCHES ACCROSS,HIS FATHER WOULD COME HOME FROM
WORK...ALL I HAD WAS THAT LOOK ON MY FACE AND WITHOUT A WORD HE WOULD
TURN AROUND GET BACK IN HIS TRUCK AND GO GET ME ONE,IT WAS KINDA FUNNY
AS I LOOK BACK ON IT NOW.

how bout while looking at the rose tatto saying," is that the stem to a
rose or the tail of a comet"

i don't think you should start calling her biscuit lol

theres more to add but really hell we all men need to watch what we
say,,cause hell next mite be our heads,,and that mean both of them,,,,,

you'd insult her unintentionally one night and you'd wake up in the
morning to that scene from OZ where that guy gets whacked and the guards
find him with his severed dick in his mouth lol

these made me kinda mad:
Honey can u rub my back its been a long day at work.
Do you want that order super sized?
Wow I havent seen u for years, have u gained weight?

at least they said years and not days

lol,,true,,,,,,:-)

I remember this one...
I was 8 months pregnant with twins.
I had just finished making dinner and cleaning up after my 1yr old and
3yr old and their 'wonderful' father... I'm sitting on the couch crying
because my wedding ring wont go back on my puffy ass finger and HE
says... "I'm going out."

Cookie I hope you told him he best return with body guards...cause that
would be the only way he would not take a fryin pan up side the head...
lol

Seriously tho the one I hated was "Just cause the Doctor said no sex for
you doesnt mean I have to wait"... very nice guy eh?

oh he got it back, 4 fold... We agreed early on that if we ever split
up he'd get the boys and I'd take the girls. We had 4 boys and split up
when the oldest was 10. He actually turned out to be a real good dad.

hmmmm

those "top 17 things" are funny!! i like 'em alot!! if any man says
those to their pregnant women oh, yeah.. somebody's gonna get their ass
whipped and it won't be the woman!! lol

what about "ummm...honey...I...ummm...lost my job today...but we can
stay at my mothers place ^_^"

(she walks out the door)

*sobs*....oh well, there's always free beer in da fridge!! ^_^

that's a good one, too, Chis!!