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| Topic: Application form to become an official Redneck | |
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Edited by
uk1971
on
Thu 01/15/09 05:09 PM
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Name:_____________________________
Nickname:________________________________ CB Handle:______________________________ Address (RFD No.)_____________--_________________________ Daddy (if unknown, list 3 suspects):____________________________________ Mamma:___________________________________ Neck Shade:_________Light Red _________Medium Red __________Dark Red Number of teeth exposed in full grin: Upper_______ Lower________ Name of Pickup owned:________________________ Height of Truck________________ Truck equipped with: Gun Rack ______4-Wheel Drive ______Confederate Flag _______ Cassette Deck ______Load of Wood ______Hijacker Shocks _______Radar Detector ______ Mag Wheels ______Dual CB Antennas _______Spittoon ______Camper Top ______ Air Horns _______Mud Flaps ______Toothpick Holder ______Mug-Grip Tires _______ Racoon Hide ______Big Dog Number of empty beer cans on floorboard or in bed of pickup:_________ BUMPER STICKERS: Eat More Possum _____My other car is a piece of sh!t too _____Honk if you're horny _____ If you ain't a cowboy you ain't sh!t _____Redman Chewing Tobacco _____Wave if you're horny ___ Define the following (must be 90% correct): 1. Grits 6. Sawmill Gravy 11. Cobbler 16. Tater 2. Goobers 7. Turnip Salad 12. Fatback 17. Pig Skins ?. Pinto Beans 8. sh!t-on-a-Shingle 13. Tote 18. Okrie 4. Collards 9. Redeye Gravy 14. Chickin' Fry 19. Shonuf ?. Sidemeat 10.Soppin' Syrup 15. Poke 20. Chitlins Favorite Vocalist: Reba McEntire ____Conway Twitty ____Loretta Lynn ____Hank Williams Jr. ____Randy Travis ____Ray Wylie Hubbard ____Tammy Wynette ____Slim Whitman ____Porter Wagoner ____Willie Nelson ____George Jones ____Box Car Willie Favorite Recreation Square Dancin' ____Possum Huntin' ____Skinny Dippin' ____Craw Daddin' ____Gospel Singin'____ 4-Wheelin' ____Drankin' ____Spittin' Backy ____Bill Chip Throwin' ____Honky Tonkin' ____ Noodlin' ____Other Name of son(s): Bubba _______Jim Bob _______LeeRoy ______J.D. Name of Daughter(s): PammySue ______Violet ______Paulette _____Daisy Weapons owned: _____Deer Rifle _____Sawed-off Shotgun _____Varmit Rifle _____Log Cabin _____Tire Iron _____Power Chain Saw _____Pick Handle _____Hick'ry Switch Number of Dogs:_____ Type:_____Blue Tick ______Black & Tan _______Beagle _______Bird Dawg > Cap Emblem: _____John Deer _____McCullock Chain Saws _____Budweiser _____Vo-Tech _____Skoal _____Coors _____NAPA _____Smile If You're Not Wearing Underwear Number of Dependants: _______Legal _______Claimed Number of Weeks Unemployed:__________ Number of Welfare Checks Received:_________ Memberships: KKK ___NRA ___Moose ___PTL Club ___AA ___Bass Club ___VFW ___Quiltin' Bee ___American Legion ___ United Sons and Daughters of the Confederacy ___John Birch Society Length of Right Leg:__________ Length of Left Leg:___________ Does your truck contain some part painted the official state color of Primer Red?Yes ___No___ How many cars do you have jacked up on blocks in your front yard?__________ How many kitchen appliances will you keep on your front porch?__________ Will you wear mostly double-knit polyester pants with snags?________ Do you own any shoes? _____Yes _____No If yes, how many?_________ What year did you last purchase shoes?_________ Are you married to any of the following: _______Sister _______Cousin ________Sow Do you know her name? _____________ Does your wife weigh more than your pickup?_________ Can you sign your name and get the spelling right every time?___________ Have you ever stayed sober for a whole weekend?__________ If so, why?_______________________________________________________________ Can you count: Past 10 with your shoes on?___________________ To 21 with your fly up?_________________ Do you know any words that have more than 4 letters?______________ Have you ever had more than one bath in a week?_______________ Medical Information: Do you have at least two of the following: BO ____Crabs ____Head Lice _____Rabies ____Trench Mouth _____Runny Nose _____Bad Breath ____Chafing IF YOUR APPLICATION IS TURNED DOWN, YOU MAY STILL QUALIFY TO ATTEND AUBURN UNIVERSITY. THEIR STANDARDS ARE SLIGHTLY LOWER.  
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LMAO
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Thank God I was borned thataway. (A Redneck)
It'd take me all day to fill out that gov'r ment form. 
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oh dear....
well luckily, many dont have to APPLY to be a redneck.. after all, they have to be able to read. and I LOVED the line about auburn standards! |
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