Ok, here's the scenario: You meet someone and develop a relationship to
the point that you think you could make a good life together. Their
divorce is almost final and there is talk about living together and even
marriage. Then some comments are made by the "other" that he/she is
ready to move in with you, but you haven't made any commitment. The
"other" makes very good money, but will be struggling after the divorce
is final losing home equity and 401K but taking on a lot of debt. What
do you do?

if u love one another, u could make it work if u want to, but i would
make sure u are financialy stable to where u would not be looking to him
for help in the $$$. just an opinion

Thank, but I'm more concerned about him looking at me for the financial
stability.

yes, that would be a big possibility, so be very careful

move in and help out but just remember you will have the pressure to
take or help them with thier debts but if you think it would work go for
it you can't learn unless you mess up

i wouldnt even think of them moving in until everything was final in the
divorce then i would also wonder once they are single are they going to
want too just do the single thing for a while.

also i dont think it is the best idea to just jump right into another
relationship that fast after a divorce.

Mark... just because the divorce is new, doesnt mean that the
relationship didnt end long ago... speaking from personal experience,
actually... but as far as the debt goes, so long as they are still able
to support themselves and dont need me for that reason, i would think
that is alright... he may not be able to buy me diamonds... but i would
never ask him to do that anyhow... so rich or poor, if he treats you
well, go for it!!!

maybe he should get his own apt for a few mos. dont go too fast

If it was me I would not move in together until his divorce is final.
Then with the understanding bills are split as well as grocery sorry I'm
not gonna support someone else or pay there debts. Unless we ended up
actually getting married. Other wise hey its a 50/50 split on the bills.

mdl, I agree with you about not jumping into a relationship so soon
after divorce. I wasn't even interested in dating for about 2 yrs after
my divorce. I have worked hard to make myself financially stable and I
think he's in a panic about his situation.

Onalark (((((jellohead girl))))
just be careful, when you gut feeling tells you something
is because you need to be careful!! love ya!!

I agree mdl, been there done that. IMHO, a person needs at least a year
on their own after a divorce before moving into another relationship.

There can always be exceptions of course, say if they had been
completely separated for a while, just hadn't done the legal divorce
thing. I'd still be really cautious about it, don't get in too deep.

((((((((((((Morena)))))))))))))) you making jello again? lol

Thanks, guys. He's a great guy but I'm beginning to wonder what his
true intentions are. I can take care of myself; I just don't want to
live my old life alone; I don't want to die alone . . . and we know, we
all WILL die eventually

OnALark I hear ya loud and clear on that one but we don't want someone
to take advantage of us either.

awwww (((((((txsgal))))))) thanks. Don't worry, I'm smarter than that.
I separated in 1999, bought my own home and have more stashed away now
than I EVER did when I was married. I don't feel the "need" to be in a
relationship; I'm afraid that all the hype, attention, etc. that he
bestows on me is really based on alterior motives.

I hear ya girl but for some reasons at times we get caught up in the
moment and don't realize what is going on till it is too late. So just
be careful and don't let it be known what all you do have lol besides
that is your nest egg if needed. Later might be a differnt story but
make sure and let him take care of his own debts for sure.

take a vacation and think this one over.

Hmmm, thanks, Duffy; think I can get him to pay for it? LOL

In Iowa, if a person recieves mail at an address, it establishes
residency. Canmake getting them out very difficult. Chg. this guy
rent, make a lease, get it all legal. When I have reservations about
something, I don't do it. Help him rent an apt. close by for the nxt
year & see what happens. Me, I wouldn't do it, thinking as you seem to
be.
Be careful, GO SLOW, be sure. Don't give him any money, pay a bill if
you want, but be prepared to lose it.

(((((Sage))))) I have read many of your postings and you are always
right on the mark. I know that this guy and I could make a good go of
it, even if it did mean taking in his children. I don't have any
reservations about that.

BUT, his soon-to-be exwife is taking him to the cleaners. She wants all
the home equity, but none of the marital debt. And they have a LOT of
debt ($80,000+). I have no debt and cannot go back to a relationship
where the man has no sense of what a budget is.

Thank you all for your kind words of wisdom. I just need to keep
hammering them into my head.