sometimes i surprise myself at how truthful i really am.

Sometimes daddies rape their daughters before they lay them to sleep. And some other lucky little girls are sung lullabies just as they drift off, tucked safe in their beds. Sometimes a bride and groom are killed in a car accident on their wedding night, and somewhere out there an elderly couple is celebrating their 65th anniversary. Sometimes a young woman wears extra make-up; not because she isn't pretty, but so she can cover up the anger her boyfriend left on her face the night before. Other times you'll find a man at a 24-hour convenience store, conveniently at 3 am, because his pregnant fiance is having another one of her lima bean cravings. Sometimes taking a whole bottle of sleeping pills, wouldn't do the trick for a young man, and he still lives, thinking even that task had failed. In other cases, the mentally and physically fit boy walking down the street is caught in a drive-by shooting. Of course he dies. Sometimes babies are born blind and never get to see the beautiful face of their mother. And others have 20/20 vision and grow up and chose not to be a pilot.
The world is not pretty. The world is not pleasant. I haven't really taken much liking to it, thus far. And I don't want to get started on the government. Maybe I just choose not to learn about politics and such things like that. but I know that if I did, it would just make me dislike this place that we live in, even more than I already do. That's why I'm hopping the border to Canada! Okay, I kid. but seriously, this is just The United States. There's a whole world out there and it amazes me when people get disgruntled about petty things when there's starving people in Africa. Okay, wow; I just sounded like one of those infomercials, but you could never get away from this. We can never solve all the problems we've made for ourselves. That's what's scary.
I truly believe that life is based on a hand of cards that you're dealt. and I'm not so sure God's the dealer. I'm not so sure he started out with a full deck, either. I could stand here today and say that bad things happen because "God wants to test our faith." And I'm sorry, but I screw that. God is said to be the only person that doesn't sin. He also supposedly has our whole lives planned out. Now, I'm not perfect, but I most definitely could not create a little girl just so the man I created 10 years prior, could slit her throat, just before having his way with her. Maybe that's just not my style. Maybe I'm a little too sarcastic. I do know that clearly I'm not perfect, but neither is he, even though everyone's claiming him to be this divine being. I do understand everyone's response to this is, "Well, golly gee, if Earth was perfect, then what would be the point in Heaven?" Very true. I'm not asking for perfection; nobody is. But sometimes I question God. Sheesh, maybe it is all Eve's fault, like John Milton explains in 'Paradise Lost'. That apple better not have been no granny smith. I say go for the red delicious! So obviously I don't take things in life too seriously, but sometimes you just can't.
I can truthfully say I've never prayed in my life. I was always the person who observed others as we sometimes randomly prayed at my great-grandmother's at the dinner table. I also saw the others who chose to keep their eyes open as well. It was almost like a secret. It's not that I doubt that there's a God. Sometimes I just think people come to a point in their life where they go towards the light or they stray away from it. Maybe I'm just bitter. And not to rationalize it or anything, but I think I have plenty enough reason to be. and I'm sure most people in this world, and room, do as well. I'm not saying there's not a higher power out there. Just look at us. The fact that we're able to carry one of our own inside of us and bring life into this world is just incredible to me. There has to be something more out there.
I am not a naive person, whatsoever. And quite frankly, lately, I can't stand some people. Even people that I'm in close terms with. It annoys me to no end how spoiled and selfish some people are. But then I have to think; this world has to be made up of all kinds because, really, it's what makes it go round and round. Maybe I'm just jealous of their ignorance. I'm sure that's a more plausible theory. Nevertheless, I just think that people don't appreciate the simple things in life. Actually, none of us really do when you think about it. Except maybe Buddhists. Ha. But this is nothing you haven't heard before, or nothing you don't already know. So basically, this is my World according to me. I don't know if I should apologize for being so vulgar, because I probably wouldn't really mean it. Because I am, after all, writing about this World. and how could you do that and leave out the vulgarity? It probably doesn't make much sense, but nothing in this World of ours really does.