What is your opinion on relationships?

They make us strong, we need them to survive... ^_^

with the right person there great.

I would like to be in another one

they are inescapable, you will always have a relationship with some one be it good bad intimate or passing

Well... I haven't had the best one yet, but I am still willing to bet that it is possible... so will continue to seek it and not give up hope. And in that quest I am learning to think outside of the box... one relationship idea does not fit all...

I dont think many know how to truly make them work any more... it's easier to give up so it seems

with the right person, empowering and wonderful

So true

i cherish them to that of gold

Over rated!!

I like being single. Now, having someone to call over to satisfy my needs when I want, that is awesome.

They're ways we learn about ourselves. We live, laugh, love... and we take something away from every relationship, no matter how it ends. I'm grateful for those who have crossed my path.

i like the feeling of knowing that someone always has your back.

whether or not they even agree with you, you know you have their complete support and loyalty. that's incredibily secure and comforting.

well thats the thing.we cant live without having relationship...sometimes we have to learn soooo many things to survive steady relationship.thats the hard part.i beileve if both parts mature enough,wouldnt be enough any problem.

it is look like building apartments.if you make foundations strong enough,nothing can break :)

Good, bad or otherwise...you can't avoid them and they all have something to offer in terms of life lessons.

Of the romantic variety? They are for those more competent than myself. It wont stop me from trying, however.

Friendships? Well, that's another story.

With the right person WOW , anyone else you can have it.

Relationships are great as long as both people bring out whats good in each other.

Marriage, however, is just pure evil

I agree 100%

IT'S A HUMAN THING

Or, Some Things I Learned on the Way to Becoming a Human Service Provider and Self-Advocate. by Dan Wilkins.



BELIEVE IN YOURSELF: even when others do not. (Especially when others do not.) You are the only one who is truly responsible for your actions and your future. It is absolutely O.K. to appear a little “quixotic” at times.

BELIEVE IN YOUR CAUSE: whatever it may be. Tied to a strong belief in yourself, you must also be true to yourself and your cause: what you believe will make a difference in the world. Don Juan says, “follow the path that has heart.” Make time to sit and listen to your heart's voice.

SEEK ALWAYS TO EMPOWER AND TO BE EMPOWERED, With every interaction we have an opportunity to grow and cause growth in others. Recognize the power you have within you to make change: not only in your life but in the lives of others. Realize what Ram Dass calls your “Natural Compassion”, your innate motivation to help others. By example we teach others to help themselves.

KNOW THAT FAILURE CAN BE POSITIVE: if we are able to learn from it. Nietzsche said, “That which does not kill me makes me stronger.” Instill in others and in yourself the recognition that there is power in knowledge gained from trying, failing, learning and trying again.

KNOW THAT THERE ARE ALWAYS FIVE OR MORE RIGHT WAYS TO DO EVERYTHING. Be creative. Be a question mark, not a period. The human condition is beautifully and fundamentally based on individuality. There is real danger in relying too heavily on textbook or “cookbook” solutions. REMEMBER: Theory is great in theory but usually does not translate well to reality. Although, as Woody Allen said, “Reality is still the only place to get a really great steak”.

DON'T TAKE THE WORLD TOO SERIOUSLY: Laughter and Joy are the true Elixers of Life. “You think too much,” said Zorba the Greek to a man who was taking on the weight of the world, “Clever people and Grocers, they weigh everything!” If we begin to take our jobs, our disabilities, our parenting, our stressors too seriously, they will ultimately consume us…we will become them and we will lose ourselves. Be Just…and Just Be.

ASSUME NOTHING: Assumption is the mother of all screw ups. If you or a committee you are on happens to be making decisions about a person, try to include that person in the decision making process. After all, he or she is the real expert in their situation.

IF YOU LIVE IN A TOWN THAT HAS A COMMITTEE, BE ON THE COMMITTEE. Hand in hand with the last point about “assumption”, as a consumer or self-advocate, you must remain in control of your own destiny. Do not allow yourself to be “dis-labeled”. To echo the rallying cry of the South African Disability Rights Movement: “NOTHING ABOUT ME WITHOUT ME!”

WE ARE ALL BOTH TEACHERS AND STUDENTS: There is a Chinese proverb: “Over every possessor of knowledge there is one who is more knowing.” Do not close your mind to the options put forth by others but watch, listen and learn. Of equal importance, do not limit yourself to just people but the whole of your environment: I have learned more about Rogerian Unconditonal Love and Positive Regard from my dog than from any Psych Book. To share of ourselves and to allow others to do the same are ultimately our most personal gifts to each other.

CHANGE MAY BE SCARY, DIFFICULT, NECESSARY AND POSITIVE: Many times we wed Change with “The Unknown”. We often tend to fear change because of the uncomfortable feelings we associate with newness; with the unfamiliar. Growth comes from change. Order from Chaos. Sometimes it may seem like “too much”; like a task too large. My stock retort is usually this question: “How do you eat an elephant?” One bite at a time. Embrace the challange of change.

SEEK ALWAYS FOR A CURE TO PSYCHOSCLEROSIS: That is: “Hardening of the Attitudes”. Rooted in Misconception and Unfounded Stereotypical Beliefs, Attitudes are the biggest barriers to Interdependence, True Understanding and Progress. Only through constant and repetitive education and, better yet, hands-on experiential learning can we truly make serious changes to the old systems.

STRIVE FOR MUTUAL SYMBIOSIS: Rock the boat but don't burn your bridges or shoot any messengers. Remember, as consumers and professionals our goals should be the same. Work together toward these goals. Lean on each other. Make use of each other's talents and strengths.

NEVER LOSE SIGHT OF YOUR CHILD-LIKE SENSE OF WONDER: This is the most important point and, sometimes, the most difficult to achieve. Find the beauty of the universe in Whitman's “single leaf of grass.” Try to live your life in a constant state of awe. Beware of the dogma. Don't buy into the status quo. Follow Frost's “road less traveled by.” Rent a kid to guide you. Blow a few bubbles.

LISTENING IS NOT JUST HEARING: Remember, to listen, to truly listen, one must use ALL of his or her body, including the eyes, heart and undivided attention. Only through real listening can we truly “hear” one another, thereby opening the door to understanding, empathy and mutual respect.

CELEBRATE YOUR DIFFERENCES BUT RECOGNIZE YOUR COMMONALITIES: The one thing we all have in common is that we're all different. Many times prejudice and discrimination (and their painful reprecussions) come from focusing on the fears associated with differences; with the unknown. We must work not only to see and appreciate these differences with an open mind but also to see beyond them to a human level where we have so much more in common.

AVOID RAM DASS' “HELPING PRISON”: Do not get locked into the “initial roles” which bring us together: Doctor-Patient, Teacher-Student, Administrator-Parent. To focus so narrowly on only one tangent of an individual, avoiding the myriad others that make that person whole, you may miss completely commonalities you share. These commonalities, i.e. sewing, football, mexican cooking, may be the ingredients necessary for another type of relationship: “friendship.” Do not concern yourself with “professional distance” or the possibility of “transference”. There is just too much to lose.

WE ARE ALL INTERDEPENDENT: No man is an island unto himself. We need each other. When we are fortunate enough to have an opportunity to provide selfless assistance, not only is the other person helped, we are too. We come away changed, feeling good about ourselves and what we have done. As Ram Dass said in his book, How Can I Help (read it, you'll love it!): “We are all just walking each other home.” I have never heard it said any better.

ONE LAST QUOTE ABOUT THE POWER OF INDIVIDUAL OR SMALL GROUP CHANGE: “Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it is the only thing that ever has.” - Margaret Mead

Go Now And Make A Difference

© 2000 Dan Wilkins and The Nth Degree. 800-241-8468. www.thenthdegree.com Email: wheelchairboy@glasscity.net