he took my photograph as i rose from the pillow of my four poster bed. i protested, no, it was too early, and he assured me i was beautiful just before the flash and just as i had smiled feeling agreeable to his notion.

he paid attention to me, opened my eyes to the music of the world and art and film, was my chauffeur to restaurants about town and little jaunts to other places with dancing and fun and meeting all sorts of people. i was a child of 12 years and he was my elder sister's soon to be fiance.

i could only imagine what it could be between the two of them if he was this way with me making me feel so special and filled with wonder and excitement for his company. he was so sweet with me and funny always making me laugh.. and he was in love with my sister who he proposed to on bended knee.

one day i would be a bridesmaid, witness to the happiness of promise and love found. one day i would hope for the same as i would fashion my own wedding within their sight. and one day i would break free from expectation finding my way through disappointment to a stronger, more individual self.

how so much darkness came from light is a many winded tale of tales.. relationships, abuses, births, deaths, money and business, divorce and movements, vice and deviation, all the whirlwind of life and various people and happenings.

sober we become. we think we become smarter.

years. time. waves of darkness and light.

we meet again. i am living far apart from sisters. we've all forged our different paths to new places and people, for me it was finally back home again.. i find him separated from his new family. she left too, the nice girl he had married several years back.

we meet and there is nothing that separates us as two lone adults now with a history of sharing (i eventually turned him onto charlie parker), admiration and respect for one another and having an intimate knowledge of one another's life paths.

he is older and softer, grayed hair. i am more youthful certainly surging with hormones and he generously likens me to 18, as he remembers it.

he puts the top down smiling after an initially quiet dinner with my parents. we are in fun or trying to be though the tension is unmistakeable. we are driving into town together.

waiting for him to kiss me as he held my chin right outside le bon temps roule on magazine st., every thought flashed through my mind of all that i perceive wrong and right. he kisses me slowly and nibbles on my bottom lip. i clear my mind and wait for it to be filled again.. as he continues to kiss me.. you are so beautiful, i could look at you all day.

later, i would stand before him unclothed. he would tell me how beautiful i am and we would embrace against silky sheets. he would continue his kindnesses, and i mine. those moments are some of the most truly beautiful we can experience. open, raw, honest and utterly surrendered.

to explain why i crossed that line of taboo much like i had some other time in my life are simply more tales of why i continue to tweak out experiences like these. perhaps it is boredom or a secret place in me of longing. we don't get to these points living perfect lives. what is it then.. a distraction, a diversion from life's course, from what i must face and what i must leave behind. these are thoughts.

the next morning, i bathed in his big claw footed tub slowly and peacefully. there is space and there is peace. no boundaries were crossed for us. neither us filled one another's head with script. we are smart enough for one another. there is no expectation. there is no drama. there is no horse drawn carriage at the end of this tale,

just the top down again on the convertible and a night out for margaritas on the horizon.

i will not be sad for dreams and fairy tales, for want of romance and love and everything in its perfect place. we had it. they are the only dark places now.

the unend

good evening, mirror

so simply stated with such clarity-the story drew me in.

always enjoy your stories...

how so much darkness came from light is a many winded tale of tales.. relationships, abuses, births, deaths, money and business, divorce and movements, vice and deviation, all the whirlwind of life and various people and happenings.