It was the summer between my freshman and sophomore year in high school
that my friend Doug and I were out at night patrolling the neighborhood
for a potential something to do.

This had been our nightly routine for some time now, and was basically
an excuse to walk around looking cool and smoke. The night was going its
usual pace and after an appetizer of kicking over a few garbage cans and
knocking on a couple of doors and running away, it was time for our main
course. Now when I say "main course" don't think that there was one
all-inclusive, high and mighty event that we use to close the evening
with. It was just the time of night that we did whatever it took to
exceed our prior doings for that evening.

It was then we saw our destiny. Across the street we spotted two
beautiful blonde girls walking together. We crossed the street,
approached them, and started our best 'slick-****' conversation to get
them to want to hang with us. Well whatever we said, it worked and they
went off walking with us.

I don't recall if it was Doug or I who suggested it, but we asked them
if they wanted to go have a seance in this dark alley with us. They
agreed and Doug ran home real quick to get a candle from his house to
make it official. Upon his return, we began to make our way down the
alley, already beginning to speak of death and demons to get the girls
in the mood. It's kinda funny how when you are a teenager and you come
across someone you want to **** (which was just about anyone), you
subconsciously do the furthest thing from sexual seduction possible. The
extent of a 'turn off' I was about to pull, was a horror that not even I
could predict.

We made our way to a flat part of the alley, sat in a circle, placed the
candle in the center and lit it. We began our best scare technique, that
was to the best of our teenage male minds, just what they needed to
scare them into sexual submission. Our attempt was meager at best and
would have failed to scare a toddler let alone teenage girls. It was
then out of desperation, that Doug had an idea that would send me to a
state of embarrassment and humiliation that is inconceivable. He leaned
over to me and whispered, "Why don't you pull down your pants and fart
on the candle flame. It will shoot out a big burst of fire and that will
surely scare them." Why that sounded logical to me remains a mystery in
my brain to this day but at the time it sounded reasonable.

I began the stealth fumbling to undo my pants and work my fart as close
to my anus as possible so it was ready to go. After I was all prepared,
I gave a look to Doug to tell him here it goes. In one lightening fast
move I stood up, pulled down my pants and positioned my ass over the
fire but when I went to fart I shot the biggest stream of diarrhea I
have ever created in my life, all over the place. It extinguished the
candle creating an exceptionally smelly vapor. It shot all over the laps
of the girls who immediately jumped up and ran down the ally screaming.
The screaming caused all the dogs down the ally to start barking. All
the dogs barking caused numerous back porch lights to come on. And there
I stood in the middle of it all, pants down around my ankles, ****
blowin' in the wind and **** running down my leg watching Doug run the
opposite way down the alley away from me.

It was at that moment I experienced the unbreakable pinnacle of
embarrassing moments that I doubt I will ever out do.

And Yes....the story is true.

That's
what you get!! OMG i bet you wish you could have just
disappeared!!

fortunately for me, its my best friends story, I just submitted it for
him cuz he aint on the site, ha ha

Oh my gosh! You poor thing. As I was reading this, I thought that maybe
Doug was going to take the candle and stick it in your ass! lol But,
this was way funnier than I imagined. Did you ever see the girls again?