Thats good Izzie

wish you would talk to me

wat a beautiful sweet face..........both of u...........im drinking a beer and thats not rite

By your words, you taught me to expect the best from others and to value myself as precious in His sight. By your actions, you taught me to accept and expect the worst so that I would not be disappointed, enraged, broken.

Then, you shamed me for it.

There was a disconnect there; and, being a child, I blamed myself. Came to see myself as the one who was defective. There was no way you could be. You were Ominipotent and Powerful. Awesome. I was born respecting you but you taught me you were not worthy of my respect.

Then, you shamed me for it.

I must remember that it was FALSE. I was never defective or broken. Whether you did it through your own ignorance or full knowlege does not matter. I don't judge you. I'll always love you - as a child does. However, I can move past you and the disconnect.

Help is what I need to show me how.

I am valuable and precious. I deserve the same in my life.

Help is what I need to remember this.

Percocet ROCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Percocet is overrated

I'll take what ever is behind curtain 2 please

Your a bad lil boy.....you know what happen last time I prayed about taking drugs.....lol...I won't...but you know.

k

Hope you realize that when I "say" things to you...I mean them.

That's wrong on sooo many levels!

By your actions and words, you both taught me it was wrong to show any anger or to stand up for myself.

Then you both shamed me when I did not with others.

You shamed me when I asserted myself and when I showed healthy anger towards you both.

Then, you shamed me when I was too passive with others and felt sad, regret, and self blame, instead of asserting myself.

So, I teeter between being shy and timid to being extraordinarily "in your face" and sometimes verbally aggressive. How can I not when I have no where left to go. You never taught me when or why or how. I only know that one way is wrong, but the other way is moreso.

How do you rewire a brain that has been connected through false channels; working, but not in the ways that it needs to flourish and grow. Not in the ways it needs to mature.

That's not something I can do alone. I need help to learn to live and cope with the damage that was done, intentionally, but most likely not. I know you both love and loved me very much. But, I need help to survive with the "handicap(s)" I have today; and you are not the ones who can do it.

I need to walk away from that past in my mind the best I can, with help from others. I just do not know if it is possible at this late stage, if ever.

Hey look at me too!

Im looking

Last I checked I have the right to my own opinion!! Don't judge me, not til you have walked a mile in my shoes do you have that right!!

.....if you only knew......

Au revoir et le bon débarras à de mauvais déchets