i am a disabled 48 yr old father raising a 14 yr daughter. she has had 3 moms leave her, i have had legal custody of her since she was 1 month old,(its a long story how i got custody, we are not related by blood), her birth mother walked out on her, when she was 2 months old. my first wife left when she was 4 yrs old, and my 2nd wife wife walked out when she was 9yrs old, three days before Christmas. i have found out that my 2nd wife abused her when i wasn't there. she has asked me why no moms love her and why do they all leave her. i dont know what to say to her, and there are so many things she needs to learn, that i dont know how to teach her, she is growing up way too fast. i could use some advice, thank you.

Hi and welcome, don't dwell on the past, be the best dad you can be and love her to death.

It’s not very common to have a father raising a daughter, but there are some of us out there. I raised my last two when they were in there teens.
To start you may want to look in to counseling for her. Some churches offer it free or reduced it if money is a problem. Best wishes to the two of you.

It doesn't matter what you say, that is hard for her. Just let her know that you love her, no matter what, and are there for her. I don't know if you are involved in a church, but maybe see if they have a mentoring program, or could get one. There is one we have used at ours called "Women to Women Mentoring". It is wonderful, and that would give her a woman's influence, and someone to talk to. If you don't have a church, maybe call around and see if you can find one that has a program like that. If you have close friends that would be willing to do something like that, then that would be a good idea as well. I wish you lived closer to me. We have such a wonderful bunch of ladies that are wonderful with girls her age. My heart goes out to you and her.

What about Big Brother/Big Siter??????

Or do you have any female relatives that show her about girl stuff???

I totally agree with the other people. church help and counseling...

its actually quite common for any child to blame themselves for a parent leaving.Their emotional mentality is not ready to grasp something that happens that is out of their control.
She needs counseling for the abuse and low self esteem and she needs to be shown that she can trust you through love,time and consistancy

1- I would say check into the Big Sisters of America for a role model for your daughter.
2- I would say take the time to find the right person for yourself and your daughter.
3- If you decide you wish to marry, ask your daughter her opinion on the matter and give her a few months to decide if she might wants this woman for a mother.
4- Let her know how important her opinion is to you as to both of your futures together as a family.
5- Do not let the woman come right in and try to be her mother (bossy or such). The woman that wants to be her role model, friend, counselor, confidante, and protector is the right kind of mother.

Find a church that believes in Jesus Christ’s salvation, and Go with her to that church. I have been in a similar situation. I can’t say that enough. The church will help you with raising your daughter. The women in the church can help when you need a women’s opinion. I can tell you from experience they can help. My daughter is 20 now and about to start her bachelors degree in psychology.

Hello there:

I am not sure where you live, but in some areas you may have a Big Sister Association and they are pretty good!.

Thank you.

T.

I agree with all of these people, but I beleive they are all missing one important fact... these women, with the exception of the first, left you, not your daughter. They made a conscoious decision not to be in your life. Your daughter needs to understand that her "real" mother may have left her with you because she felt you were better equipped to raise her, and the others did not have the option to take her with them. Since I don't know the whole story, I can't say for sure, but my opinion is that complete honesty is the best medicine for a screwed up teen...

If you would like to talk privately, I may be of more use as I have been that screwed up teen. I have also given a child up for adoption and have been the one to try to help many kids in situations like your daughter is in. I tend to love everyone's children, and can be a great big sister. I have lots of teens that look up to me and want to talk to me about things they cant go to their parents with.