Love and Hate are kinda binded together like
the Chinese philosophy of yin and yang (good and bad).
Good and bad exist in everyone. We have the capacity to
love unconditionally and the same capacity to just fuck
each other up with no remorse. I think when you think
of hate in a relationship at least to me it means you
hate the things they're doing, not necessarily hating
the person themselves. Now on the flip side we gotta
realize that we ourselves our loved by people who are
driven apeshit by things WE do and sometimes the thought
of hate enters into their mine. Yoda from Star Wars had
it right, don't give in to the dark side. See, there are
times when we may hate someone but if we give into those
feelings and become consumed by hate we only hurt ourselves,
not the one who has us pissed off. I think the key to not
giving in to hate is to have compassion and understanding.
Take me for instance- I've had a lifelong problem with being
late. I've never really been on time for anything. My wife
and I own a business together and I am very often late getting
to work because mornings are very rough on me. I feel down
and have to pump myself up with music and praying before I
get the courage to even get out of bed. My wife tells me
that I am late cos I'm lazy and that I purposely do it to
hurt her. She's told me she hates me many times. If she used
compassion and looked at where I'm coming from she would realize
that I'm not out to hurt her (I do confess to being lazy at
times tho so she's right there). If she were compassionate
and understanding she wouldn't be feeling those feelings of
hate. I too need to be compassionate and understanding and
work on getting ready faster in the morning so she won't
feel those negative feelings. As for me and feeling hate I
have to confess that I don't feel hate very much. I'm not
really the kind of person who gets angry easy but when I do
get angry I think I do approach the level of hate and that
scares me.

It sounds to me like one in the relantionship is blaming the other for
everything that has happen to them in there past relantionships. Thowing
the ax at the wrong person does not make the things that others have
done to them go away it just makes it worse by keeping the anger there
but pointing it towards the wrong person. Then when the other partner
can no longer take any more and threaten to leave they put the guilt
trip out on them and makes them feel bad. So they stay cause they know
the hurt the other one has been through and would do anything to help
make the hurt go away. Bottom line no one can help that person except
themselves for the only thing they are doing is pushing the one with
them farther away from them and sooner or later no matter how
understanding or strong that person is there is a limit of what they can
take. If you cant talk them into seeking help or seeing the whole
picture of what they are doing to both of you then you will have to make
the decsion to walk away and hope they will one day see for themselves
or you can stay and and come to the point to hate them and life itself
and before long they will have you thinking as they do hating all and
blaming them for what your problems are. It's much easier to blame
someone else instead of admitting we are wrong.

I LOVE YOU I HATE YOU I LOVE YOU I HATE YOU I LOVE THAT I HATE YOU I HATE THAT I LOVE YOU!!!!!!! hmmmmmmmm sounds codependant to me!!! What do I win Alex??? Monty??? Pat????

to me, the terms "passive-agressive & codependence" come to mind...

Its called Codependency.

Amen sister