well that would have been a totally different situation with a totally different outcome.. you know there is a saying...

How much pain have cost us the evils that have never happened.

why worry about it? what are the chances of that actually happened?
and this guy isn't worth spending another second on

I don't see what the problem would be if it was any guy that you reconnected with as long as he wasn't already involved with someone else.

it's just self esteem; that's what this is about. should i, in the future NOT send these pictures if i meet someone i like (NOT MARRIED OR INVOLVED--that was an isolated incident) ppl ask me for pictures, friends, and i want to know should i NOT send these?

or in other words, it was the wife and he didn't do this on his own accord? like one day just decided to stop. you think something precipitated the end? Busted...you said, before.

I don't see the harm in sending pics if people are requesting them.

well really.. how else would they know who they are talking to if you dont send them.. if they don't like what they see.. you both move on.. if they like it .. you continue...either way... if it came to meeting they would see you when you meet anyway.. so why be worried abotu a photo? and if they don't like you... who cares.. will be someone who does...

Sweetie your not listening you did not do anything wrong sending pics it was the stuff that happened because of the rest of the situation . Do what you feel is safe and right the next time and you'll be fine !

i have kids, and worry about how i look to others, having three kids really put a burden on my body and mind. the guy i'm with makes me feel really really bad about myself and never says anything nice to or about me, so after five years of giving to my kids and the abusive (before, physically) bf, i am unsure of myself.

pictures are important because i'm NOT going to meet anyone. i have no intention to. so pictures are all there is, until i get my new apartment and out of this bad/unhealthy rel.

thanks for your advice guys i will take it to heart and thanks for reassuring me i'm okie dokie

I always used to tell my ex who woried about strech marks and stuff look at the beautiful children you have and don't think about the superficial stuff you will always be beautiful to me and your children so who else should it matter too ?

whats your plan to leave? I know for many women they are dependent on a man.. the man that abuses them makes sure they are dependent on them so they can't easily leave... is there a womanspace in your area? you can leave right now and they will put you in a hotel or something.. you don't need to be with someone like that...

EXACTLY he keeps me FINANCIALLY dependent so that i need him. he doesn't share any money and the only thing i get are occasional deodorant, soap and toothbrush. i have really old clothes too. he likes to keep me looking bad to the world.

it's part of his plan i think.

i am working on getting income from various sources, and working on my education/career skills, but both babies are at home right now which is another way he traps me because i have those boys.

he doesn't hit me since his last arrest in 2004 but he isn't kind and doesn't share.

i have help and have connected with the abused women's shelter and all sorts of resources it's just about getting him out of the house long enough to move now.

Never ever accept that ! Please not for you or your kids . Please make plans to get out of that situation right away .You and your kids are important and beautiful no matter what he says . Get out now before something else happens please !

he doesn't work? can't the shelter have a police escort there?

Don't worry about physical crap that can always be replaced get yourself and kids out anyway you can ! those kids are counting on you !

yes i can, and i even know the deputy who will, but moving out of a controlling man's house is like dropping a bomb on him, that's how alot of women get hurt--the guy can't handle that she left him and he stalks her, so i have to have everything in place before i go, so i will need nothing from him, and immediately get a restraining order.

I really don't have much faith in restraining orders.. sure if he comes around they can lock him up.. but that piece of paper doesn't protect a woman from a psycho... I don't want to get too negative.... but don't slack and don't keep putting it off.. if you are so deep into this dependence on him you won't leave.. you could do this tomorrow if you really mean it...

whew i wasn't ready to delve into this mess...but i guess it happened anyway.

let me just put it this way. i agree. i am not falling for his 'fake niceness' when it so rarely rears its head, and i made this decision 2 years ago when counseling didn't work. but 2 kids and financial dependence is a hard load to kick.

let me get u all to understand; he is on probation he will not do a thing to me UNLESS I LEAVE. so in leaving i am putting myself most at risk, so like i said things have to be taken care of with careful planning and support.

well I will pray for you I hope all goes well and you folow through before he hurts you anymore or the kids