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Tangled, dense, heavy is my heart.
Once more, by choice, I slid down this hill, knowing that a sharp-toothed monster waited at the bottom.
Pain raises its hand against me, encompassing my mind and hindering my release.

Peace.

The tease,

I seek.


I cry out to God, but my heart is not there. Another want has taken his rightful place.
How do I, knowing what I know, continue to do what I do? What mis-leads my mind into believing that this time could be different?


I make these decisions. I accept that fully.


Forgive me for my foolishness. I am crying out, once again, for acceptance.
Untidy heart, I lay no claim to you. I rebuke you and reclaim my heart of joy.

No longer a toy. This man with the heart of a boy. I reject your ploy.

Soft and comfy inside but hidden in a shell of the strongest alloy.

My light shines forth, blinding those nearby.

I cry.

But they're tears of overcoming.

Overcoming this indignant desert that I chose to wander. My want of water has caused me to drink from the glass that was forever close.

I shove that glass away.

Not today. Today I pray.

Today I close that door and choose to ignore.

Untidy heart I sweep away the webs and spring clean the forgotten corners.

Words of power spoken into me by my father. Word curses hurled by an angry mother like David's stone.

Striking bone. Causing me to fall.

I stand up and choose to live. To give.

To forgive.

From now on my mind is a sieve.

Evil things pass through and I keep the good.

I choose to awaken, armed with the sharp tools that God has given me to succeed. To feed, to breed happiness.

That is my seed.

I plant it in fertile soil. A smile here. A hand there, spreading good feeling.

Think, Act, Feel. Thats the deal.

Change the way you Think.

Act like you choose to be.

And you will Feel the way you want.

Ignore the Devil's taunt.

He has no power over you.

Untangled now is my heart.


Once more, by choice, I Almost slid down that hill.

*** I have noticed, from talking to friends, that there inevitably comes a time in everyones life where we need to make a decision.

Do we continue to harbor feelings of blame against our parents for the way we were raised or do we decide to accept responsibility for the way we ARE now and forgive them for being human?

I've chosen to be responsible. The alternative is a very hardened heart that will never know satisfaction. I know people like this.

I choose to not be one.

That's deep

So very true, it is very freeing to forgive. Once you do, it is amazing that you no longer have that weight to carry. Embrace what your parent's have to offer and what you don't get from them, find within or surround yourself with loving friends that fill the void. Acceptance allows you to move forward.

Thank you for writing this.