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| Topic: Note to the guys.... | |
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Women do it too. Refer to the " OK....WTF " thread I started a few days ago...lol Some guys are just exceptionally lonely. Some guys are really insecure and need the validation of someone telling them that they wish they were with them. Some guys are just exceptionally bored and have nothing better to do. "Some guys"..."some guys"..."some guys"...some women, too! Sorry. " SOME " women do it too..lol It just seems that so many preconceived notions/habits concerning one particular sex may be a bit skewered. There are fouls on both sides of the line. Bad people are bad people, regardless of details. Yes Duey, I know you are right, but I seem to be getting a lot of these, always do. Why can't I find a normal guy not afraid to commit? I wish I knew.....or could help you with that answer. I just think it's important to NOT let the past, in any way, dictate the future. The "next person" should never pay the tab for the last. And I believe that. That is a great thing to believe. But can you honestly say that, having been burned before, you don't take any of the lessons learned from that experience and apply them to a new relationship? To say that someone has to " let go of the past " sounds all well and good. The problem with that idea is that our past is what makes us who we are. To " let go of " it, would be to disregard all the things we have learned in our lives, and keep making the same mistakes over, and over, and over again. The definition of insanity is to keep repeating the same actions, always expecting a different result. |
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Edited by
keepthehope
on
Tue 12/02/08 12:53 AM
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Because an awful lot of guys have gotten severely burned when they committed to someone. Therefore, the guys that aren't afraid to commit, are generally the ones who aren't old enough to be bitter yet. Marriages...losing 1/2 if not more of what you own, even if you owned it before the marriage...getting tour heart stomped on a few times... Those things all contribute to a man being more willing to BE committed ( like...self hug jacket committed ) than to be " committed " to one woman. The willingness to commit to one person doesn't really seem to be the " normal " thing anymore. I can understand that Guy, but I have been in a relationship and been hurt as well, but I don't think that means I should treat someone like a piece of meet, or as disposable. I understand being hurt, but turning around and hurting someone else, it's not right either. |
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I wish I knew.....or could help you with that answer. I just think it's important to NOT let the past, in any way, dictate the future. The "next person" should never pay the tab for the last. And I believe that. That is a great thing to believe. But can you honestly say that, having been burned before, you don't take any of the lessons learned from that experience and apply them to a new relationship? To say that someone has to " let go of the past " sounds all well and good. The problem with that idea is that our past is what makes us who we are. To " let go of " it, would be to disregard all the things we have learned in our lives, and keep making the same mistakes over, and over, and over again. The definition of insanity is to keep repeating the same actions, always expecting a different result. |
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I wish I knew.....or could help you with that answer. I just think it's important to NOT let the past, in any way, dictate the future. The "next person" should never pay the tab for the last. And I believe that. That is a great thing to believe. But can you honestly say that, having been burned before, you don't take any of the lessons learned from that experience and apply them to a new relationship? To say that someone has to " let go of the past " sounds all well and good. The problem with that idea is that our past is what makes us who we are. To " let go of " it, would be to disregard all the things we have learned in our lives, and keep making the same mistakes over, and over, and over again. The definition of insanity is to keep repeating the same actions, always expecting a different result. I have also learned lessons, but I also try very hard not to let them affect someone else. I try to let someone new show me what they are like, then make up my mind about them based on what they do, not someone else. |
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Because an awful lot of guys have gotten severely burned when they committed to someone. Therefore, the guys that aren't afraid to commit, are generally the ones who aren't old enough to be bitter yet. Marriages...losing 1/2 if not more of what you own, even if you owned it before the marriage...getting tour heart stomped on a few times... Those things all contribute to a man being more willing to BE committed ( like...self hug jacket committed ) than to be " committed " to one woman. The willingness to commit to one person doesn't really seem to be the " normal " thing anymore. I can understand that Guy, but I have been in a relationship and been hurt as well, but I don't think that means I should treat someone like a piece of meet, or as disposable. I understand being hurt, but turning around and hurting someone else, it's not right either. I agree with this also. But you asked why you can't seem to find a " normal " guy who is willing to commit. It isn't a case of there being no such thing ( unlike me being able to find someone " perfect " for me, but that's something else altogether ). It IS, however, a case of those guys being very few and far between. It's gonna take an awful lot of " weeding " on your part to get to that " right " guy. But chances are, he's not gonna be " normal ". He's gonna be outside of what is considered the norm these days. |
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I wish I knew.....or could help you with that answer. I just think it's important to NOT let the past, in any way, dictate the future. The "next person" should never pay the tab for the last. And I believe that. That is a great thing to believe. But can you honestly say that, having been burned before, you don't take any of the lessons learned from that experience and apply them to a new relationship? To say that someone has to " let go of the past " sounds all well and good. The problem with that idea is that our past is what makes us who we are. To " let go of " it, would be to disregard all the things we have learned in our lives, and keep making the same mistakes over, and over, and over again. The definition of insanity is to keep repeating the same actions, always expecting a different result. I have also learned lessons, but I also try very hard not to let them affect someone else. I try to let someone new show me what they are like, then make up my mind about them based on what they do, not someone else. But no matter how hard you TRY to keep those lessons from affecting someone else, they always do. Those lessons are what tells you to either go ahead and be interested, or keep your distance. It is neither good nor bad. It simply IS. |
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I agree with this also. But you asked why you can't seem to find a " normal " guy who is willing to commit. It isn't a case of there being no such thing ( unlike me being able to find someone " perfect " for me, but that's something else altogether ). It IS, however, a case of those guys being very few and far between. It's gonna take an awful lot of " weeding " on your part to get to that " right " guy. But chances are, he's not gonna be " normal ". He's gonna be outside of what is considered the norm these days. By normal, I don't mean perfect or not unusual, just a guy who is willing to overlook my perks, and give me a chance to overlook his. I know we all have them. |
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Women do it too. Refer to the " OK....WTF " thread I started a few days ago...lol Some guys are just exceptionally lonely. Some guys are really insecure and need the validation of someone telling them that they wish they were with them. Some guys are just exceptionally bored and have nothing better to do. "Some guys"..."some guys"..."some guys"...some women, too! Sorry. " SOME " women do it too..lol It just seems that so many preconceived notions/habits concerning one particular sex may be a bit skewered. There are fouls on both sides of the line. Bad people are bad people, regardless of details. Yes Duey, I know you are right, but I seem to be getting a lot of these, always do. Why can't I find a normal guy not afraid to commit? Because an awful lot of guys have gotten severely burned when they committed to someone. Therefore, the guys that aren't afraid to commit, are generally the ones who aren't old enough to be bitter yet. Marriages...losing 1/2 if not more of what you own, even if you owned it before the marriage...getting tour heart stomped on a few times... Those things all contribute to a man being more willing to BE committed ( like...self hug jacket committed ) than to be " committed " to one woman. The willingness to commit to one person doesn't really seem to be the " normal " thing anymore. An awful lot of women have been burned, too. Shoot, read the threads! Propably the majority of PEOPLE (not one sex) that are young and haven't been burned, are the one's not bitter yet. I understand the 50% divorce rate; I've very unfortunately contributed. And some of those that didn't get married, have still experienced a heart stomping. Sometimes more than once, as you said. Those things don't contribute to a woman/man doing anything other than learning and growing. Life can be a b!tch, and no one promised anyone a prize. I will agree; "The willingness to commit to one person doesn't really seem to be the " normal " thing anymore." I just know that 'the normal' can be affected by you and I. And I won't give up on love until I don't have breath. |
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I agree with this also. But you asked why you can't seem to find a " normal " guy who is willing to commit. It isn't a case of there being no such thing ( unlike me being able to find someone " perfect " for me, but that's something else altogether ). It IS, however, a case of those guys being very few and far between. It's gonna take an awful lot of " weeding " on your part to get to that " right " guy. But chances are, he's not gonna be " normal ". He's gonna be outside of what is considered the norm these days. By normal, I don't mean perfect or not unusual, just a guy who is willing to overlook my perks, and give me a chance to overlook his. I know we all have them. But that's not really what I saw being asked either. Most people have no problem overlooking some of a person's little ( I'm gonna assume you meant ) quirks. That's usually not that major of a thing. But finding someone who is willing to commit to that person, and that person alone, IS a major thing. When I say " normal ", I'm not referring to mentally normal. I am referring to what is considered normal in today's society. |
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Women do it too. Refer to the " OK....WTF " thread I started a few days ago...lol Some guys are just exceptionally lonely. Some guys are really insecure and need the validation of someone telling them that they wish they were with them. Some guys are just exceptionally bored and have nothing better to do. "Some guys"..."some guys"..."some guys"...some women, too! Sorry. " SOME " women do it too..lol It just seems that so many preconceived notions/habits concerning one particular sex may be a bit skewered. There are fouls on both sides of the line. Bad people are bad people, regardless of details. Yes Duey, I know you are right, but I seem to be getting a lot of these, always do. Why can't I find a normal guy not afraid to commit? Because an awful lot of guys have gotten severely burned when they committed to someone. Therefore, the guys that aren't afraid to commit, are generally the ones who aren't old enough to be bitter yet. Marriages...losing 1/2 if not more of what you own, even if you owned it before the marriage...getting tour heart stomped on a few times... Those things all contribute to a man being more willing to BE committed ( like...self hug jacket committed ) than to be " committed " to one woman. The willingness to commit to one person doesn't really seem to be the " normal " thing anymore. An awful lot of women have been burned, too. Shoot, read the threads! Propably the majority of PEOPLE (not one sex) that are young and haven't been burned, are the one's not bitter yet. I understand the 50% divorce rate; I've very unfortunately contributed. And some of those that didn't get married, have still experienced a heart stomping. Sometimes more than once, as you said. Those things don't contribute to a woman/man doing anything other than learning and growing. Life can be a b!tch, and no one promised anyone a prize. I will agree; "The willingness to commit to one person doesn't really seem to be the " normal " thing anymore." I just know that 'the normal' can be affected by you and I. And I won't give up on love until I don't have breath. But see. That 50% that you referred to is one very big reason why the " normal " thing to do is no longer to commit to one person in any way other than a LTR. In no way am I against committing to one person. But I can promise you that it's gonna take a VERY special woman to make it happen. You and I have basically no effect at all on what the " normal " in society is going to be. We can take comfort in having set an example, but there is absolutely nothing we can do that would influence society as a whole to follow that example. There are just way too many things working against it. |
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Women do it too. Refer to the " OK....WTF " thread I started a few days ago...lol Some guys are just exceptionally lonely. Some guys are really insecure and need the validation of someone telling them that they wish they were with them. Some guys are just exceptionally bored and have nothing better to do. "Some guys"..."some guys"..."some guys"...some women, too! Sorry. " SOME " women do it too..lol It just seems that so many preconceived notions/habits concerning one particular sex may be a bit skewered. There are fouls on both sides of the line. Bad people are bad people, regardless of details. Yes Duey, I know you are right, but I seem to be getting a lot of these, always do. Why can't I find a normal guy not afraid to commit? I wish I knew.....or could help you with that answer. I just think it's important to NOT let the past, in any way, dictate the future. The "next person" should never pay the tab for the last. And I believe that. That is a great thing to believe. But can you honestly say that, having been burned before, you don't take any of the lessons learned from that experience and apply them to a new relationship? To say that someone has to " let go of the past " sounds all well and good. The problem with that idea is that our past is what makes us who we are. To " let go of " it, would be to disregard all the things we have learned in our lives, and keep making the same mistakes over, and over, and over again. The definition of insanity is to keep repeating the same actions, always expecting a different result. I would NEVER say or imply that I don't take the lessons learned from that experience and apply them in the future. However, there is a fine line, but a VAST difference between that and carrying baggage. The next person DOES NOT owe the tab of the last person! I won't say one should let go of the past; you're right! The past experiences make a big part of who we are. But they connot DICTATE us, that's what's happening. Certainly, don't repeat the same failed actions. But by the same token, but too many good people are sitting on the sidelines because of a few failed plays. |
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The next person DOES NOT owe the tab of the last person! Nope. They don't. But they usually wind up paying it anyway. I won't say one should let go of the past; you're right! The past experiences make a big part of who we are. But they connot DICTATE us, that's what's happening. But no matter what, those past experiences DO dictate. The extent of the dictation is entirely dependent on the person involved, but there will always be something that makes you keep an eye out for red flags. That's more along the lines of what I am talking about. Some people DO allow their past to completely control what they do. Most do not. But the past always has SOME influence on your actions. Certainly, don't repeat the same failed actions. But by the same token, but too many good people are sitting on the sidelines because of a few failed plays. No argument from me there.  And on that note. I need to head to bed. Work beckons tomorrow. |
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Best wishes...I enjoyed the conversation.
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Because an awful lot of guys have gotten severely burned when they committed to...getting tour heart stomped on a few times... No more gender related than anything else in these "why do men always" or "why do women always" threads. Having been burned, having had good experiences - neither knows gender. Do women and men have some different outlooks and behaviors "hard wired" - yeah, probably, but that doesn't mean the differences are bad...just different. |
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Women do it too. Refer to the " OK....WTF " thread I started a few days ago...lol Some guys are just exceptionally lonely. Some guys are really insecure and need the validation of someone telling them that they wish they were with them. Some guys are just exceptionally bored and have nothing better to do. "Some guys"..."some guys"..."some guys"...some women, too! Sorry. " SOME " women do it too..lol It just seems that so many preconceived notions/habits concerning one particular sex may be a bit skewered. There are fouls on both sides of the line. Bad people are bad people, regardless of details. Yes Duey, I know you are right, but I seem to be getting a lot of these, always do. Why can't I find a normal guy not afraid to commit? You're not the only one. I think a lot of us get a lot of these types of people. |
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Was his English terrible? He might have been Indian.
Not trying to say anything bad about Indians but they come from a very sexually repressed country and seem to think talking to women like that is acceptable. I get messages from them all the time =/ |
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Ok, just to let you guys know, a 5 minutes conversation with a real woman, looking for a real relationship, is not gonna want to spend too much time with someone who wants to go from 0 to 100 in 5 secs. Ok. They are going to want to find out about you, get to know you, etc., before they start thinking about you and wanting to spend time with you. And they definitely don't want to start talking about kissing either. Makes it difficult for those of us who actually DO know how to have a rational conversation.... Like I always say, the world is full of idiots. And they're all either on dating sites, or driving the car in front of me. |
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Was his English terrible? He might have been Indian. Not trying to say anything bad about Indians but they come from a very sexually repressed country and seem to think talking to women like that is acceptable. I get messages from them all the time =/ The English sounded fine. He is his late 20's, very insecure to me. |
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