Ok, since I apparently have no sane friends anymore, I am going to have to rant to all of my mingle friends! I have found out in the past few weeks that my so-called best friend is heading into depression, but he looks to other outlets for help. I would be GLAD to help since we've known each other since the third grade, but I guess he doesn't think of me as a good friend all of the sudden. His background story:

He and his wife have been together since freshman year in high school. They were married a year ago this last october, and I figured they would be happy. I guess his mother saw this coming...she never liked his wife. Anyway, I could see that they were having some kind of problem because they were constantly fighting, so much so that I couldn't stand to be in their house for more than five minutes. His wife mostly started the fights because she is the type that ALWAYS has to have the last say - she always HAS to be right. She's been spoiled by her parents from day one so she STILL thinks the world revolves around her. Mind you, she is 22 now. Anyway, they have no decided to see other people. Not just go out on a few dates, but SHE has gone out and had sex with 4 different men. I guess it was an agreement between them, but HE hasn't even tried. He keeps getting more depressed about it every day, he complains that his wife is going out and screwing other guys, and he doesn't want to waste time on the cheap hookers at the bar.

I tried to help him, I told him that he needs to talk to his wife and tell her that he is not comfortable about what is happening. He said he tried, but she just told him to grow up and stop being a "poosy". From my history of knowing her, she is manipulating him and stomping all over him to get what she wants. I know it was probably her that came up with the original idea of seeing other people. He won't come to me for help, but tells other people he is depressed. His wife found out what I think about her, and she has tried to turn this all on me. I said screw it and told her I'm glad that I'm not the one being walked all over, and she needs to stop USING her husband. Anyway, the jist of the story is - I am pissed.

On another note, I witnessed something horrible with a couple of my other friends. I was hanging out with one of my buddies this saturday at the bar, while his fiance and another one of our friends that is a girl were at another local joint. Well, the friend that was hanging with his fiance saw her take her engagement ring off of her finger and put it on her right hand. She says she LOVES it when all the guys hit on her. I feel so bad for my buddy, because he loves her unconditionally and would do anything for her. On the other hand, SHE has been known to be a compulsive liar.

UGH I don't know what to DO in these situations. I am not necessarily looking for advice, I wanted to rant a little bit, but if you have some input, please feel free.

Well I was in a similiar situation except I was the depressed friend. My advice would be to just keep reminding him that if he needs anything, even if its just someone to vent to, that he's your bro and you got his back. My friends did it for me and eventually I came out of it. He'll come around. I can honestly say this because I thought at one point that if the woman I loved threw me away like yesterdays garbage then everyone else would too, and when they didn't I realized that although I thought I was alone I wasn't.

step back and let the train wreck go on without you. I have tried being helpful in situations like that and it always makes things worse. Let the universe take its course and be there for your freinds when it all goes down hill. As for the depression, he should seek proffesional help if it is hindering him at all.

First thing you can do is tell your buddies to grow a spine,you teach people how to treat you. It's not your place to fix anything. Best you could do is just be there for him when he needs someone,don't judge and listen when he talks.

wow ok get it published

dude..you will make yourself sick internalizing other peoples crap
take a chill pill..and be aware of your own precious soul

This all seems like insanity when compared with my close friends and their wives. One thing I'll say is that each and every one waited until they were much older to get married. I say do nothing and let them live and learn. However, depression hits the damnedest people--I'd keep an eye on it.

damn!!!! honestly i think you need to get a life of your own...of course none of this stuff is good, but i think you need to put you energies in yourself rather than letting others suck them outta ya! ps. your married friend needs some space hes admited he doesnt like it all you need to say to him is.." so bud? what are "you" gonna do? " It is up to him to do something not you! when "he" is ready. obviously he is miserable and his wife doesnt give a sh**. He realizes that and the time will come... Just listen basically and tell him that is wrong but let him make his own ddecisions or conclusions .. Maybe he isnt comong to you because he feels you are controlling?

Thanks for your words all...

Honestly, I have tried to move onto some other friends, but for some reason all they talk about is the drama thats going on between everybody else. Maybe I need to get out of this group and make some friends that don't even know these people, but it's really hard when you are in a small town. Maybe I SHOULD just move back to Denver. I don't know...it's hard to deal with.

maybe it rubbed off a little on you? read your original post then read this remark

That is our point I think it should not be any problem for YOU. I understand the wanting to help your freinds and feeling sorry for them and all but is the drama of it all worth it?

I'm not sure why I would be controlling, because I've never been that way. I know he is the pushover type...obviously, but I haven't tried to control anything.

What rubbed off on me? I don't understand...

oh yea and if i were 23 or so and single what a handsome younging you are! no im not weird i have a daughter a yr older than you lol but sometimes we need to be told that ya know? what a great nose so unique and handsome too..ok i really dont want to be 23 again but if i were single and a 40+ man with your looks I wasnt trying to sound mean btw! i only know cause ive been in your shoes and i stopped being that way

I'm not sure why I would be controlling, because I've never been that way. I know he is the pushover type...obviously, but I haven't tried to control anything.
[/quote
remote control baby...is all in your head

You have their best interest at heart......... but who is looking out for you? take care of #1 first!

Honestly, I have tried to move onto some other friends, but for some reason all they talk about is the drama thats going on between everybody else.


Ok, since I apparently have no sane friends anymore, I am going to have to rant to all of my mingle friends! I have found out in the past few weeks that my so-called best friend is heading into depression, but he looks to other outlets for help. I would be GLAD to help since we've known each other since the third grade, but I guess he doesn't think of me as a good friend all of the sudden. His background story:

He and his wife have been together since freshman year in high school. They were married a year ago this last october, and I figured they would be happy. I guess his mother saw this coming...she never liked his wife. Anyway, I could see that they were having some kind of problem because they were constantly fighting, so much so that I couldn't stand to be in their house for more than five minutes. His wife mostly started the fights because she is the type that ALWAYS has to have the last say - she always HAS to be right. She's been spoiled by her parents from day one so she STILL thinks the world revolves around her. Mind you, she is 22 now. Anyway, they have no decided to see other people. Not just go out on a few dates, but SHE has gone out and had sex with 4 different men. I guess it was an agreement between them, but HE hasn't even tried. He keeps getting more depressed about it every day, he complains that his wife is going out and screwing other guys, and he doesn't want to waste time on the cheap hookers at the bar.

I tried to help him, I told him that he needs to talk to his wife and tell her that he is not comfortable about what is happening. He said he tried, but she just told him to grow up and stop being a "poosy". From my history of knowing her, she is manipulating him and stomping all over him to get what she wants. I know it was probably her that came up with the original idea of seeing other people. He won't come to me for help, but tells other people he is depressed. His wife found out what I think about her, and she has tried to turn this all on me. I said screw it and told her I'm glad that I'm not the one being walked all over, and she needs to stop USING her husband. Anyway, the jist of the story is - I am pissed.

On another note, I witnessed something horrible with a couple of my other friends. I was hanging out with one of my buddies this saturday at the bar, while his fiance and another one of our friends that is a girl were at another local joint. Well, the friend that was hanging with his fiance saw her take her engagement ring off of her finger and put it on her right hand. She says she LOVES it when all the guys hit on her. I feel so bad for my buddy, because he loves her unconditionally and would do anything for her. On the other hand, SHE has been known to be a compulsive liar.

UGH I don't know what to DO in these situations. I am not necessarily looking for advice, I wanted to rant a little bit, but

tell me this... is this not what you are doing your very own self?

OK, you're right maybe it has I didn't look at it that way. I guess I didn't consider creating my own drama, I was just trying to find a way out by posting it on here and getting some opinions.

yes! thats what im talking about! take care of that beautiful person that you are!!! be there for your friends but dont suggest what to do to them... just ask them what they are gonna do and let them know how you would feel if it were happening to you...example" john i know if i were you i would feel horrible too im putting myself in those shoes if i were in that situation i would do this....." I wonder what the other options would be john can you think of any?" " so john.... what are you gonna do? dude im sorry for if i were you, i wouldnt be feeling so well at all im here for you bud.... let me know if you need anything or just to talk or vent...