So my ex and I have been seperated/divorced for a year and a half now, and my son is still very uncomfortable with the idea of me even speaking to another man, much less dating one.

He's 12 and has always been very protective of me, and I get the whole "my parents should still be together thing" BUT his daddy gets to date, and he's cool with that! Actually Daddy never stopped dating other people, so maybe it's just typical to him.

How can I help him change his mind, or at least become more accepting of the fact that I need a friend too?

just one question, who is the adult here?

There was one thing that my son said to me and it changed how I looked at me dating ( not that I stopped dating ). He said...I dont want you to be with someone as stupid as ( enter latest womans name here). He was afraid that I would date loosers like his dad did. Once I explained to him how dating works, go out to get out of the house and to meet people. He was a little more accepting of it. Talk to your son, tell him you are GOING to date and that you deserve someone nice to go to movies and dinner with. And untill this "someone" is in your life for a while, and you think he's the one, then introduce said fella to family and son. Other wise its best to keep son out of day to day dating life. JMO Good luck.

When my kids asked me not to date, I said OK.. but if I did not get to have a social life, neither did they. It wasn't long before an invitation for a slumber party came. I said, oh that sounds like it would be fun! Too bad you have to stay home and spend time with me. The ban on my dating was immediately lifted.

Actually my children never know when I am dating someone and when I am single. I never really involve them in my social life because its none of their business. I don't want them around any of the men I date unless I think its someone special that I am going to have a relationship with for a long time.
I think what you have to remember is this...they are the child and you can not really involve them in the "adult" situations. You are still the parent and not their friend. Do not bring men around and put your son in the situations like your ex obviously has done. Its very obviously that your son respects you highly and you want it to stay that way..thats why you don't want him to meet all the men you date.
When your son goes to his fathers or to his friend for the night, this is the time you go out on your date. Your son is still a young man that doesn't need to know every thing about your life...some things are better left unsaid, and I think this is one of them!!
Good Luck

just one question, who is the adult here?


I'm the parent, and he knows it. But I respect him enough not to drag someone into his life if he's uncomfortable with the situation. His relationship with his dad's gf is horrid(She treats him like a 4 yr old and speaks badly about him to anyone who will listen)and I've been the one who has to pick up the pieces.

I have always been honest and upfront with him and because of that he knows that I have an interest in dating. I appreciate the suggestions to only date when he's with his dad, and to keep my private life seperate. I think it truly sounds like the best way to handle it. Thanks!

i am guessing he lives w/you

thus he is threatened of having to share you

I think the issue is particularly difficult when it comes to sons and moms. Not sure of the reasons behind it though. I would get a few opinions on this from people you trust and then try to make the best decision for you and your son. Good luck to you.

Son are protective of their Moms & are also possessive. (they want you all to themselves) The better Mom you are the worse it is. The thing is to let them know the person you are dating is not taking you away from your son. They are just helping Mom have adult time. Just like his has time with his friends. Whatever you do though explain your intimate level with the other person to your son long before showing affection to each-other in front of your son. Even if things are hot & heavy with the other person cool them down in front of your son. For a while sitting together make room for him until bedtime. Unless he is older & at a higher level of understanding. Then kiss, show affection, have discussions, & remember so these in complete moderation. Show him Moms dating side little by little for what he can handle & what is appropriate. It will help him love you having YOU time & accept whom ever you are with, D.

He probably feels like the man in the house, and protective of you, and he doesn't want to give that up. He doesn't need to be the man at his dad's house, so it doesn't bother him for his father to date. He may be afraid of loosing you to another man in your life.