((((enforcer)))

good luck

sonofab!tch.

Didn't make it cause I got stuck talking to the ex about the lawyers and the divorce and his green card.

He's pissed cause the divorce affects his green card, and he might not be able to come back.

Oh well.

He f*cked up, right?

So now I have to pray I get to court tomorrow morning. And this is just to SET up a court date and ask for an extension.



This month is going to be SO tight financially with that damn ticket and everything else that got thrown in with it.

Damn it.


My bar better pick up more business or I am leaving and going home to California.

I know it will f*ck up school, but I have family I can stay with out there.

I just don't know what to do.

My rent is paid until February.

That is the only thing keeping me here, really.

Already started cleaning out my life from here. Throwing away a lot of stuff. Getting rid of furniture. LOL The damn car will be next.

Minimize.

I have to minimize my life and get a grip on it again. I let it run away with me trying to build one.

I should take a lesson from my dad. He lives in a house but never bought a dresser. He keeps everything in suitcases, cause you just never know.

I am so worried.

I just want Engraven to get here before February.

So I can have even just one night with him.

Even if that is all I get. I just want to know one night of love and happiness and to forget everything and all else.

Is that too much to ask?

Ugh.

Control.

Have no control.

Tired.

I am always tired.

I can't keep doing this. School, then work, then waking up early to talk to my daughter and never getting any real sleep.

I am crashing.

Control.

I need to take it back.

And my princess?

OH!

What the hell?

All of a sudden she doesn't want to talk to mommy any more?

WTF?

Who twisted her mind so much that mommy no longer matters?

*sigh*

This is fate.

I tried to be a good person and this is my reward.

I am in love with a man far away. My daughter is gone. She doesn't want to come home to mommy. I am losing control of my life. I am losing sleep. Nightmares are coming back again. I can't stop singing one song, Od Yavo Shalom Aleinu. It is in my head for the past 4 days.

I just don't know what to do.


Oh well...

Sorry for going

Just needed to get some stuff off my chest. There's a lot moer, but I am trying to deal with them privately.

F*ck me.

I should go out and make some friends in Wichita. Screw it. They all suck here because they treat me like some diseased being. I am tired of when I say I am a surrogate mother and a Jew I hear, "Oh, I never met one of YOU people before."

Thanks, white trash rednecks. Thanks for making me feel SOOO special and loved.

One of MY people. And whom would that be? I always considered myself an individual.

Get MY people are out there running around somewhere and I need to find them and catch up.

Is Engraven one of MY people?

A few words.
Thats all Im going to say


**** them All.

G-d that is so cute!

I was going to say good afternoon... Um not so sure it is...

good afternoon (((((princess)))))

some one ate all my cookies !

(((Enforcer)))

I am sorry, Chevy.


They were just laying there, so tempting....


I can make you more though....


((((chevy))))

((enfocer))
((princess))

(((Chevy))) ok off to another meeting.. I'll catch up with you guys later...

tc, hun

sorry I eated your cookies, ((((chevy))))

((((everyone)))))

hows this evening going..

((enforcer))) TRUST me!! i KNOW what you mean!!
it sux. but your daughter loves you, shes young.

((((izzie))))


((((everybody))))


I know.

It's just so horrible having her come online crying and tell me, "I don't want to talk to you"

Especially after staying up for the past 2 nights waiting eagerly for her.

I felt like a dumb a$$.

Oh well.

She is still young.

I am just glad I gave her the opportunity to be with her father again. I know she missed him horribly. If that is the last thing I can do for her, then I am happy if she is happy.

(((Izzie))) (((Enforcer)))

Evening all. Hey Enforcer. Sorry for all your crap. Hi Princess and Izz.

(((((princess)))))

I am only here to grab a quick dinner, wash my face and reapply the make up before heading out to work.


I am so happy to have y'all in my life! You have cheered me up when I was down and helped me through some pretty sh!tty times!

I guess what I am thankful for is for finding JSH and then Mingle2!

Thank you guys!

Someday I hope to be able to repay you guys for your friendship!

YUM!!!!!

(((Tng))) (((Fak)))

Enforcer, that is what friends are for, no repayment required...