For you, human!

wow Lilith, some people are just ______ {insert appropriate word(s) here}

This is truly something I cannot understand, why is it that some parents think they can avoid, or get away without being financially responsible for their children. Truly baffles me.

Does the child stop eating, growing, and needing because they chose not to be in their childrens lives or chose to change present living conditions?

Here are the exchanges, in order....




December 14, 2008




Can _________ please stay with you throughout the weeks. We are separating, hopefully temporally, as we go through counseling. We have already spoken to ________ and explained the situation to him the best that we could. We also told him that we will be asking you to keep him during the week and that we would see each other every other weekend. We will still be doing things with the boys as a family. We understand that this is short notice but we truly think it is the best thing to do for ________ so that he can continue to have stability and less change.

We would like to have ________ the weekend 12/27-12/28 and every other there after. Ex will pay for half of _______ before after school care cost, just let him know how much it is.He will pay you on the Friday's that he picks _______ up. We would really like to keep the Holiday schedule the same.

Please let us know if you are able and willing to accommodate this change or have any questions and/or suggestions.

Sincerely,

Lilith's Ex and his wife

My reply:

Ex and his wife:

Are you still planning on picking ________ up on the 24th at 9pm? There is no school on Monday, December 22 and Tuesday, December 23. The deadline to sign ________ up for Fun Days is Friday, but I called this morning and got him on the list already. If payment is made before 12/19 the cost is $24 per day, or a total of $48. If payment is not made by then, the cost will be $28 per day, or $56, which must be received by the date of the first Fun Day, 12/22. You may need to contact the daycare to verify what I'm saying is accurate, as I don't have the form with me. The regular cost of daycare is $73 a week (due to you having a membership). With weeks school has days off, obviously this amount fluctuates.

There is no school nor a Fun Day on Friday, December 26th, and I must be at work that day. You must make arrangements for ________ to have child care on that date. Please let me know as soon as possible what arrangements have been made.

Will you be taking ________ on Wednesday nights for the mid-weeks? I think he would do better if you were able to do that.

As well, I told you that I am introducing _______ to someone I've been seeing. I said he would be over on Sunday night, but since you won't be picking ________ up that day that won't take place. He will be out of town for the holidays, and I'm not sure what day he is leaving (as he has not made definitive plans yet himself). I will do my best to make sure you have the opportunity to meet him as soon as possible.

I will be scheduling an appointment for _______ to see Dr. C__________ after the first of the year, at his request.

The last time _______ was with me every week, I agreed to accept only half the cost of childcare. However, the cost of all my bills increased and that was a burden for me. Simply put, I need more than the daycare amount in order for ________ to have everything he needs. As I'm sure everyone is hoping this situation to be temporary, there is the chance that it might not be. I would prefer to not to handle the financial aspect privately. This is in everyone's best interests, as well as to keep conversations about money out of the picture. Therefore, I will file a request with CSEA to open a case for _______ and collect the funds through them. Again, this is not in any way to cause problems, but rather alleviate them as well as assuring that ________ has what he needs. When/if you two reconcile, I will immediately stop whatever order is in place. I am not going to contact the courts, this is simply a financial issue. Anything permanent can be addressed later. I hope you both understand my position.

I wish you two the best of luck.

Sincerely,

Lilith

And here it gets good:

Lilith,

Yes, We will be picking ________ up on the 24th. We will will discuss other options rather then _______ being with you full-time to alleviate any financial burdens onto yourself. Just assume for now that the schedule is remaining the same until notified otherwise.

Sincerely,

Ex and his Wife

anxiously waiting to read what they replied

Ex and his wife:,

I do not have any problems keeping _______ full time.

There is a lot of adjustment to assume that the schedule will now remain the same. I have already made arrangements.....

Please contact the daycare to let them know of your decision, in order to remove him from the Fun Days for those days. As well, I already told his teacher of the situation, so she will need to be told as well. Also, since you already discussed this with _______, you will need to talk to him prior to Sunday.

________ is quite upset, and he has already been told that his schedule will be changing, effective immediately. It is not my place to notify him of yet another potential change in his living situation. Nor is it really fair to expect me to have to make all these arrangements, then expect me to change them right back the same day. I am willing to be as flexible as you two need me to be, but it is unreasonable to expect me to absorb the financial cost of those changes. To keep changing what you have told _______, especially when he is in my care, will not give him the stability and less change you said you were striving for.

Lilith

.

The final reply to me:

Lilith,

We were asking for your help in our time of distress for ________'s well being and your concerned with the monies. Sorry if the financial part of this was the last thing on our minds. This situation was obviously not planned, separations never are. We assumed that you would appreciate us trying to prevent more distress in _______'s life. Instead you are concerned with the financial distress that it will cause you. This causes us alarm and obviously arises questions as to if this arrangement "would" be ideal for _______.

Ex and his wife

Ex and his wife:

The finances are not at all my focus, but it is a matter I need to deal with. If you'd noticed, it was the very last issue I addressed in both my e-mails. Everything else dealt with childcare, mid-week visits, and Dr. C_________. The financial aspect is simply a housekeeping matter that I cannot ignore, and thought I'd explain so you two understood the other side. There are always two perspectives, and I was hoping you'd understand mine was a reality and not a motive (as I understood yours in accepting the immediate change in schedule and contacting the school and daycare to make adjustments). I could have just gone to CSEA and not said anything, you know? I can't be sorry that I'm not willing or able to pay for your separation. Frankly, I'm a bit surprised you think I ought to pay for it. I cannot help your perspective, but I simply was as honest as I could be.

My son is my first concern. I will always be there for him, as I always have. Again, I'm sorry for your situation and I really do wish you the best of luck.

Please let both myself and _______ know what his schedule will be, and contact the school and daycare if you are not using the schedule in the first e-mail.

Lilith


This was my Monday. Then my car broke down....

Lilith

Lilith I truly think whole situation sucks not for you (well maybe a little ) not for your ex nor his wife, but for the little one.

Kudos to you for telling them, as they changed their minds they had to inform your son.

Fran you are EXACTLY right. My kid is very sad.

They told my kid he was staying with me without asking me... and they have not called my son yet. He still thinks he is staying with me full-time.

Aren't they peachy? I have no idea if they are picking him up Sunday or not.... since they have yet to reply. I'm just going to tell him he can stay with me whenever he wants and that he is always wanted and welcome.

I thought I was way too nice to them.

I have never been in a similar situation, but just by reading the texts/emails I agree - too nice and too accommodating, they acted without any regard to your or your schedule, and pretty tacky to advise you via text/email.

but jmo

I got this e-mail Monday, and it was to be effective ASAP.

But I stood my ground at least.

They are not guilting me into paying for their problems. And think I'm selfish because they don't want my son to be supported as he is entitled to by law.

Lilith just take full custody and then deal with the rest. I think this will make you and your child happy. Let the rest fall in place.

I know you would be happier also. It is always better for a young one to be in a stable place which I know you provide.

Mrtap, I'm trying to take full custody, they asked me to!

I actually just got off the phone with my ex, who was apologetic about the mails. He apparently had limited communication with her on the phone. I advised him to print and read them, and then get his own private e-mail account ASAP. We had the best conversation ever, since we were married. I even told him he could visit with our son at my house during the week, since he'll be staying an hour away. Do I think that will be fun? No.... but my son needs it.

Congrats MaryAnne......I wish you and the professor much luck!!!!

My hats off to you Lilith, atleast you are trying to be fair. Good luck with it all, i know you will find the right middle ground for it all.

Aww Turtle Dove, thanks! That Gilligan's thought has entered my mind....


MrTap,

Thanks. I just want to make sure my kid is secure and feels loved and safe at the end of the day....